Work based rant...

Post Reply New Topic

Well, another job slowly turns on me. This morning i was filled with that dread i used to have going to NT school. Remember that feeling? Awful.... another day of feeling so uncomfortable, puzzled, excluded, lonely.

Anyway, I work in a nursery (plants, not kids thankfully!). Nearly a year now. A year seems to be a turning point. Most of my jobs end up this after 12 months or so. Some quicker...

The rest of the staff (only about 3 or 4 people) had Easter egg hunts over the recent holiday. Was I and my partner invited? No... Everyone else has moved to summer hours (8 to 5) while I am still on winter hours (9 to 4). No explanation, just excluded again. We could really use the extra money too.

Since school, through every job, things go like this. Always on the outside feeling singled out, excluded. And when i realise it's happening again I get that old, old school dread every morning. For five days a week my daytimes are just something to get through until I can bolt home and feel comfortable again.

I have never had a job I have enjoyed, the whole work ethic has been poisoned for me by these experiences. Sometimes I long to be unemployed, safe at home. People who have jobs they, at the least, don't mind going to, fill me with envy. I equate the world of work with exclusion, sadness, embarrassment and social difficulties. It's the same old story every time and this latest job looks like it's going the same way.

In the morning I will ask my boss why I am short hours. Everyone else must have had a little sit down meeting and been told the new summer hours applied. No one else has had to slowly become aware they are being treated differently, no one else needs to ask why they are being excluded.

Anyway... it's the way it's been since infant school, through the British education system and into the world of work. Same old story, same old pain, tears, puzzlement, humiliation and exclusion. And that same cold, fearfull dread in the mornings.

Thanks WP... needed a moan.

Les

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I'm starting to question any autie who says that they enjoy work and it is going well for them. I have so much anxiety on interviews even that I have just ran out of an interview before when asked a question. Even though I made excellent grades all through college and always tutored nts (ie did their paper work for them), they're the ones who get the good jobs making a lot of money.

Sometimes I try to make myself feel better by saying it is just because I'm female, but in reality I know that that's not the case. I try to act NT in interviews at work and it just comes out awkward and strange, resulting in my last job being "fired" from even though they couldn't legally fire me (I did all the work I was supposed to) and almost all of my interviews going poorly. I'm so sick of seeing my ideas but not being able to articulate them in interviews and in the workplace, and on top of that being passive and shy, getting walked all over by nts and even some aspies or people who claim to be legitimate scientists but who do not even know how to put into action what they are talking about. I'm just the technician. And on top of that I'm strange. And most people whether they admit it or not do not want to deal with anything they cannot categorize or do not understand.

God, I wish I was the "normal" one.

Nice to know it's not just me...

It's no easier being male, sometimes think if i was a cute female it would be easier...

Anyone with ideas, thoughts, different ways of doing things seem to be ostracised. It is somehow cool to be stupid lately. Read new scientist, know a little about the world / science / language etc and your weird!

I'm normally glad about the way i'm put together. At home, with my partner or out and about. But in work / social situations it's really hard. I know what you say by wanting to be normal though. How about a switch so you can decide when to be aspie and when to be NT?

Cheers statschica.....

Les

i know how you feel i have been taken advantage of in my job! (they moved someone up beyond me in seniority, actually it was about 8 people)

No, it's not just you. It hurts to read your post, it's so spot on (is it ok for an American to use that phrase?)

You write a powerful, aticulate, evocative piece. Just my opinion, you could be a writer!

I got the chance, with an inheritance, to "be unemployed, safe at home" Briefly. But the money's almost run out - time to go suffer all that bad s**t again. Along with the guilt that I've squandered my heritage, and have nothing to give my children.


I've thought that, too. But getting hit on by obnoxious creeps, & bosses, along with all the other AS stuff? Wouldn't that make the games more complicated... and like, eww!

Yes! I wish there was a way to show the NT world that we're ok people too, and get some of the understanding and acceptance of the physically handicapped. We don't need special ramps, just empathy and a little slack.

That seems to start at the top now; don't get me started on our stupid, spoiled prez who couldn't do a real job if he had to (and who's dumbing down and perverting science.) I read someone's theory that he's the perfect image for dumb Americans - they see themselves up there, one of them that made good.

But this has been a frightening trend here for a long time. They're just capitalizing on an epidemic of stupid and greed. God help us.