Stepping down as a manager

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I am an accountant and I manage 4 other accountants. I have been at my job 10 years. I do the accounting for joint ventures (partnerships with doctors) and at first I did all the accounting by myself. As the number of companies grew, I had to add staff and I was stuck managing them.
I have always had fairly high turnover. I have had two experiences accountants who last longer 5 years for one, then 3 years for the one who replaced her. People in the other positions have generally lasted 1-2 years.
In fall 2014 I had two people leave at once, one really had more of a business degree vs accounting and was only there because of a reduction in force and was looking for a job the whole time they were there. The other said she was scared because of the reduction in force and because of changes to the benefits. Then I lost my veteran of three years in Jan while I was still trying to replace the first two - three out of four positions open.
My boss allowed me to use a couple of temps, but it is not the same. So I had the stress of managing temps and trying to find new employees.
My boss is pretty good, but she kept trying to make me a better manager, more organized, and trying to get to the bottom of why I had so much turnover.
To step back for a minute, About 8 years ago my daughter was diagnosed with Aspergers and at the time my wife and I went in to hear the diagnosis and as the doctor was describing the sysmptoms I was thinking that is me she is talking about. Then the doc said usually one parent shows signs my wife immediately turns to me with that light bulb turns on look.
It seems like from that point on things started going down hill. I started getting more introspective. I was doing more managing at work and the stress was climbing. Eventually my son was also diagnosed then a little over two years ago my doctor recommended I start therapy and start on Lexipro - big mistake. I should have gotten a diagnosis before I started therapy.
I ended up firing my therapist and it took a while to get a new one. In the meantime the lexipro made me go from suicidal thoughts once a week to almost every day, so I had to go thru withdraws from the medicine. And my doctor moved so I had to switch docs too. And on top of all that my mom almost died and was in a medically induced coma for a couple of weeks. And the CFO (chief Financial Officer - m bosses boss and my biggest fan/critic) who thought highly of me left and was replaced by a nitpicking guy.
So I have been struggling thru that and I finally got all of my slots filled. Now we are in the middle of budgets and I realize that the most "experienced" of the three is the worst accountant of th three and probably the second worst accountant I have ever supervised. The worst I had to fire. I told my boss we might have to fire this one. She said we had to give her a chance and I had to document everything very carefully. So not only do I start out behind, but I am falling farther behind due to working with her and giving her a chance, I have to document her failures, which is not a strong suit of mine, and I feel like I basically have to argue her out of a job, which arguing is not my strong suit either. And I am Depressed with a capital D - anxiety attacks every day.
My wife and I had a heart to heart a few nights ago and decided it was time for me to step back from management.
I had breached this subject with my boss before and she said if I chose that path there would always be a place for me. but my thoughts are :A) how much money - I make 4 times what my wife does and we need every cent to pay for drugs and nurturing activities for our kids. And my wife works part time because she is the only NT in the bunch and she bears the burden of keeping all of us on track emotionally.
so I am going to start looking for work outside and tell my manager that I do indeed want to step back.
My ideal would be to stay on here, train my replacement (there is a lot of specialized knowledge and details) and I wish I could stay and do the accounting work with the joint ventures. I would be as productive as 2 people and the Joint ventures love me. But it might be hard for the new manager to be in my shadow.
Also there are 2 managers - me and the person over the Hospital accounting. that person just left a month ago and they have not been replaced. There is an internal candidate who is a shoe in for the job. but still my manager is stressed to the gills replacing her.
I know I will have to put my duck feathers on, but any advice, encouragement, prayers etc would be encouraged.

God bless you all and may you be understood and may you understand.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

You're taking to many responsablities, imo, and try not to think for others, who have their job to do too.
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/preventing-burnout.htm
check out the Coping with job burnout - part

That is helpful traven
I am not sure I have reached the point of burn out. I still care a lot about my job. Actually one reluctance I have is that I have put 10 years of blood and sweat into this job and I want to see the fine work I have done on the accounting side continue. Also the goodwill built up over the years with the managers of the joint ventures.
I try to take 10-15 minutes each morning to pray and ground my focus on what is important and read the bible while eating breakfast. My wife has made a sacred cow of Wednesday night D&D for me so that I have something I love that I do each week.
I recently started talking to a friend from our church about my suicidal thoughts because I dont really feel comfortable burdening my wife with this (although she knows and I do have a therapist)
I think at this point we can make it on a little less money and the ability to be there for my family and wife is more important.

You could freelance, right?

What concerns me is the health insurance, actually. Do you have good health insurance where you are?

You're probably still having fallout from the Lexapro. How long ago did you stop it?

Is dealing with people supposed to be a major part of your job? Is there a way you could compartmentalize the people parts of your job and automize them?

For example:
Let's says you work 8-5, monday-friday.
Spend 8-9 am doing a work task that you like, keep something soothing around you. A stim toy (something to fiddle with) and/or a favorite drink maybe.
From 9 to 10, do people related tasks.
From 11-2, do more work tasks that are okay, or that you like.
From 2-3, take care of any other people related things.
Spend the rest of the day doing things you like.

That way there is a fixed starting and stopping time for anything unpleasant and it's compartmentalized away from the rest of your day.

I dunno, I wouldn't be quick to throw in the towel as a manager. You seem to be having a tough time now, but that should pass. Try hard to find a counselor that you feel comfortable talking to. Or just a friend, even. That should help.

Off lexipro about 15 months

Oh yeah, it can't still be in your system.

Are you positive you can't deal with being a manager anymore? What is the stepdown position that you'd take? Is there a way to transition into a "knowledge expert" kind of role where you wouldn't deal with people directly but you'd have management authority of technical systems?

I don't do well in management positions, either. Pushing paperwork is OK if I am left alone to focus. But once I can't be left alone, the paper scatters. I also cannot stand making sure everybody does their job right because I can't stand being watched and micro-managed myself. Unfortunately, a lot of people cannot be trusted to do their jobs and need the constant supervision. I want to be able to say it *once* and have it get done.

I would find the job you have incredibly stressful, and I would also want to go back to being "just an accountant." Do you really think another manager would have a problem being in your shadow? Do you think that you would try to interfere with that person's job or criticize that person? Could you try out that kind of situation? I personally would try to stay where you are, do the accounting under a different manager, and see if it works. If it doesn't work, then look for another job.

I also agree with the person who mentioned freelancing. Working for myself works well for me. I don't fit so well in systems. (In my case, my other option is teaching in a public school rather than privately. I'll take privately, thanks!)

I am as sure as a nervous, self doubting person can be
Not sure I will find out MOnday when I tell manager.

I am 99% sure I can find a job making at least 75% of what I make now. My manager did say there would always be a place for me, and about 5 years ago I applied for a lower stress job in the hospital system and the then CFO talked me out of it. He said I was needed to much in my current position.
I wold love to do the accounting work I am supervising right now. I could almost do it all myself, but not quite. but I think if someone else was supervising we could improve the department and maybe even cut staff one person. But then the new manager would have to deal with an employee who has been doing their job for 10 years and has their clients love and respect.
I am part of a professional organization of health care accountants and there are 4 hospital systems in our city. And I dont have to find a job in healthcare either
Insurance would be an issue, but worse case we could cobra, w e have savings by God's grace.
My wife could also go full time - her company has good benefits.
If nothing else I could go back to the accounting consulting place I worked for 3 years before coming here.

COBRA can be expensive. Much more than civil service insurance, definitely.

If I were you, I would make a pitch for not a step down, but a "transition to a better fitting role." It's important to use the right words so that you're setting the tone for what you want to happen.

Don't say you can't handle it or it's too much. You don't think this role is good fit for your skillset. You could ask to keep your current salary and have a new job title and pitch exactly what you could do. What you said about being able to downsize by one position is important. It shows you're looking out for the company. Plus, if you had that position cut, there would be more leeway to keep you and put someone else as the manager.

You give very good advice here.

Thanks. I've known other autistic people in this situation. One in particular pulled this move and it worked out well. I thought it was pretty smart.

I just spoke with my boss.
She wants to think about how to reshuffle things. She wants me to make a list of everything I do or review, and a list of things that would have to be taken off of my plate (or added).
She said that if the other manager had not recently left it would be easier because she would have had that person oversee my area too, but the replacement she is looking at does not have enough experience to take that on and my boss is too busy to take it on herself. So I am not sure if she is thinking of hiring a replacement for me or just having me be a senior financial analyst and splitting oversight between herself and the new guy.
She also gave me some help prioritizing stuff for the short term.

Things I am concerned about:
1) She will try to oversee with the management staff they have and try to simplify things. - I am afraid that will fail

2)I will continue to struggle because of the failing new hire I have to spend extra time training and documenting her struggles in case we need to fire her. My boss helped me with that some. We have to give her a chance to make it, we dont have to bend over backwards and beat ourselves silly trying to make her succeed. If I can show I gave her guidance and she did not take advantage of it like you would expect a trained experienced professional to do, then it is on her.

No real resolution yet, but a start towards that end.

...Huh .