having a job ruins my life ?

Post Reply New Topic

hi everyone, I’m new to WP, and through a lot of deliberate work on self-discovery i have only recently concluded i have strong aspects of autism

this self-diagnosis was brought on all the executive dysfunction i was experiencing. i went to college for one year and flunked out, even though i was accepted to a prestigious school. and then, when i decided i would just work, having a job drained me so much that i would have frequent meltdowns upon coming home, and became so severely unhappy that my partner encouraged me to quit after 6 long months.

this job involved taking care of dogs, so i didn’t even have to communicate with people that often, but it was still so often, and taking the bus was so stressful, and everything in between—that i just had no energy at the end of the day. i was a shell of a person with no interests or desires. i became more aloof than ever and stopped socializing, stopped thinking, just because id run out of spoons so god damn early in the day.

i know this was brought on by the sensory/social overload by having a job, plus the stress of being clumsy and bad at following verbal directions. I’m so easily overwhelmed, even though i love learning new things and the process of working.

I’ve been unemployed for over three months now and am quickly running out of money, so it’s imperative i begin making money somehow.

because of my inability to keep a schedule for myself, i know i cannot be self-employed. i have thought about walking dogs, babysitting, selling art….. but i have strong adhd symptoms as well and cannot force myself to regulate time. I’m working on the schedule and routine thing but at this point in my life i have not developed enough skills to give myself a structured day.

i don’t know how to not be miserable at any job i get. any job has bosses and coworkers, and though i love having friends, acquaintances terrify me, especially if i have to see them regularly. i have a lot of anxiety about pleasing people and frequently have nightmares about messing up at work. i still have nightmares about the job i quit so many months ago.

the pressure of being on time, and also having NO TIME (job becomes only priority therefore becomes my only “interest”), wearing a horrible uncomfortable uniform, being pleasant and friendly towards everyone (sooo f*****g draining), maintaining a consistent personality every day, doing my work in the interest of other people, doing work for more than 3 hours at a time, ignoring my sleep/eat cues, being unable to stim as much… it’s STIFLING. I’m TRAPPED.

I’m terrified of getting a new job. i don’t want to be miserable again. I’ve worked so hard to not be miserable. i have anxiety and depression and have made incredible strides to cure both, but only through unemployment. i don’t know if i qualify at all for disability, since my autism was never caught as a child and I’m so falsely high-functioning.

i don’t know what to do, and i always feel so guilty and lazy for not being able to make myself keep a job.

even if it comes to i have to find any easy part-time job, and you don’t have any other advice, words of encouragement and motivation would be very welcome.

Work for most people is boring, draining, stifling, stressful and so on even for NTs. For now I think you should look at a part-time job and eventually ease into a full time job. I think very few people have jobs they really enjoy and love and look forward to every day.

Is there any chance of going to school now?

One way out is to get qualifications for a job that isn't so sociable.

There are plenty of jobs that do not require uniforms or social interaction.
One which is often recommended for those on the spectrum is data-entry; where you will get, for example, a stack of paper results of those market enqueteers, and it will be your job to put them all in a digital system.

Such jobs are done in the back-office, where you will never meet any clients, so a uniform isn't required, you can go work in your PJs if you are so inclined, and the collegues and other social interaction is minimal.

I am 38 and have experienced much of what you have for my entire life. You explain it so well regarding all of the different challenges that seem to meet you at every turn when working a full time job. Trapped indeed. The concept of having to have a job has sometimes made me suicidal at times. It's not so much that I'm "lazy" (though certainly plays a factor if I'm being honest with myself) but it's more that I start to think about how high a percentage of my life is being wasted doing something I don't even care about. Then, as you said, it takes so much out of me that I can't even do other stuff. I overhear, and have overheard people I've worked with talk about doing things after work, cleaning houses, cooking dinners, running errands, watching TV til midnight then showing up to work with a friggin smile. I go home after 8 hours, only have the energy to smoke a bowl, and basically pass out in a heap. My life is literally my non-sleeping weekend hours. That's what it feels like I live for.

But, this thinking must be ignored as much as possible. Just ignored. Tell yourself to stfu and just do what needs to be done. This is what it means to live. It sucks, but you have to. To more you do it, the easier it gets, but it will probably never be "easy".

Also have faith. I once had a job that I loved, made awesome money, and did show up with a smile. I got laid off due to no fault of my own. If you find that, a job your comfortable in, the energy it takes otu of you would be far less. You life would improve. And you'd get a feeling of accomplishment that I'm sure is lacking as you struggle to get by.

I currently work data entry as was suggested. It sucks, but sucks less than many things would. I require zero human interaction. Even my supervisor knows I don't like to talk and just emails me even though she sits two seats away. It's easier for me to read an email and respond at this point in my life. I can be so verbally articulate, but am very uncomfortable doing so.

The biggest challenge in data entry is the repetition. Time moves so slow it's torture. The work is so boring. Nothing to wrap my mind around at all. Maybe if I were data entry in an organization who's business was interesting to me, but I am not, nor have been at any of my previous data entry jobs.

Maybe consider trying to get into a job that works outside. Like a delivery driver or something (if you can drive). Something where you are independent, and your tasks vary. Where your job is always clear cut and there's no room for over-analysis fueled anxiety.

A data entry job would be my dream job, little to no human interaction and the repetitive tasks are something that I could get along with. But such is just a dream and nothing more.

I either need a degree in accounting or business, or 5+ years of experience and seeing as I only have a month experience in admin which I would say I didn't do well in, its a dead end for me. Frustratingly, living near a city should in theory increase my prospects of a job but its just as hard as if you were in the countryside.