How to keep sane when looking for work

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I have been unemployed for a few months now and it's been very rough. I'm now beginning to get to a point where I can start trying to look for work again, but I still have ongoing mental health problems and I need to walk a very thin line right now.

I hate being unemployed and it feels like I have no future right now, so I'm applying for any job that comes up. However, I'm still haunted by the fact that my former employer let me go because I couldn't live up to their standard and I'm terrified it will happen again. It seems that I burn out very easily in stressful environments and a job demands a lot of your mental energy (especially if you have to make a lot of decisions and problem solving). I also have chronic executive dysfunction issues (I'm currently being assessed for ADHD) which makes me much less efficient. I'd really like to be able to hold down a job but I don't know how to improve. I worked very hard in my last job to get it right and no matter how smart I worked or how hard I worked I was still not good enough. I couldn't learn the ropes fast enough and I ended up being an inconvenience for the company.

I know that I need to not beat myself up so much and try to maintain some cautious optimism, but how do I do that when I know I was fired for being crappy at my job? I can expand my knowledge and do a course, but that doesn't change my difficulties with executive dysfunction.

Also, how do I start forming better habits during my job search? I am having major difficulties with doing basic things like waking up on time and sleep as well as finishing daily tasks. I know every unemployed person has this problem with creating a routine, but how have you stuck to something?

I want to focus on developing my skills while looking for work but timetables and lists haven't been helping. What else is there to try?

Essentially, how can I keep my s**t together?

PS: I am not receiving any CBT or counselling at the moment, for anyone who recommends I go to therapy. The NHS is suffering badly due to cuts and privatisation of services and talking therapies require a long wait. Because I am still in the process of a diagnosis, I think my psychiatrist wants to tailor any therapy towards that. In the meantime, I am taking a higher dosage of citalopram. I'm trying to apply CBT techniques anyway but as you can probably tell it's very difficult for me not to fall into negative thought processes.

Just know that many times (you'll be surprised how often this occurs), employers seeking employees will call six months after you've submitted an application.

It happened to me.

In the meantime, have you considered "temp" work?

Yep. I also volunteer regularly. Like I said, I'm just taking anything that's going. I'm limited to my city as I am not in any position to move. My city is certainly a big one but it has high poverty and unemployment rates, so I know not to expect anything right away. I also hand out CV's to just about anywhere, whether they are looking or not.

I was suggested to to an internship, but I'm not about to do that because usually they are unpaid (which is illegal but they still do it) and even if it's unpaid it might still be considered employment by the DWP. I, frankly, can't afford to borrow from the bank of mummy and daddy to fart about making coffees because it's "good for my CV" and "gets your name out there" (it doesn't). Plus, why should I volunteer for a company when there are registered charities I can work with?

A friend of mine is passing on my details with a charity that helps developmentally disabled adults. She wants me to do media stuff for them, which is exciting to me and it keeps momentum going. Because it's volunteer work, it can give me work experience and not sabotage my ability to eat.

So really I'm just trying to commit to a proper schedule for my job search, which is difficult because my day is dominated by whatever my family decides to do and we are notorious for not planning anything ahead. That and I'm really bad at making plans in general.

treat the job hunt as a job, reserve a time slot in working days (like: 2-5 PM) to commit to jobsearching, and communicate this to your family; do not accept any plans during that time unless it's an emergency.
Filling your time with volunteering is still a good idea, even if it doesn't get your name out there, it will help you with sticking to a routine and waking up in time, and it is still good for your CV.
Not the fact that you volunteered in and of itself, but at least the fact that you got off your ass while you didn't have a job.

Yup, I have time slotted everyday to apply for jobs and look for opportunities. Whenever I am needed for my family it is for something important and the fact I'm living under their roof means I really ought to do stuff for them anyway. My problem is that I struggle to create structure despite setting basic goals like "I will do X for an hour". That's mostly because I'm incredibly terrible at being organised. I can't make traction if I can't commit to a plan and trust me, I have tried just about every tool and trick to stay motivated and organised. But then part of my problem is that I get easily overwhelmed when there's a lot of pressure and I think maybe I just put too much pressure on myself to do everything perfectly that I shut down and can't commit to a schedule. I mean, you're your suggestion to commit to a 2-5 job search is actually pretty reasonable. I just over complicate things, I guess.

As for volunteer work, I already volunteer. I just refuse to do an unpaid internship because it's blatant exploitation and it destroys the industry in question by making people's skills less valuable in the market. Plus, a business should be able to pay its interns. I volunteer for a registered charity and, granted, it is semi-commercial but it also does a lot of free stuff and gives back to the community consistently. That's why I have no qualms with working there.

I believe your family should create optimal conditions for you to job-hunt. This means allowing you your space in this pursuit.

Having to help your family is no more than reasonable; i was in the same situation not too long ago, but they respected my timeslots and didn't ask me to do anything during the 'job-hunt hours'; i'll assume that yours will be similar, as long as you are stable in the hours and spend them actually looking for work.


For me personally, there was the extra motivation that i needed to perform 2 application actions each week in order to draw unemployment benefits. These actions could be sending an application, but a phone or physical interview also counted.
Could you suggest something like this to your parents? like giving you a small allowance after X "actions" each week (or withholding it if you don't manage that amount)?
It can be as simple as having pizza for dinner on sunday, but it can work as extra motivation to be productive during slotted hours

It isn't motivation that I lack. I have plenty of motivation to go out and look for a job. My problem is that I lack the resolve to handle uncertainty and push past my self doubt. I'm terrified of messing up like I did with my last job and I'm scared I won't be capable of even holding down a job and I am constantly in doubt as to whether I can even get it past the interview stage. I worked really hard to make it work at my last job and it cut me deep when I was let go. I put so much of my life into being good at my job and the rejection hurt like nothing I have ever experienced before. The stress and panic in the months preceding my termination made me so ill that there was blood in my stool and I had to increase my antidepressants to the highest it has ever been in years. I was seriously contemplating suicide and that is terrifying to me. I don't want to burn out like that again and I don't want to let my life get so consumed by a job ever again. I still get upset and angry about it even well after the fact. I know I need to move one and let it go, but after everything I went through I feel like I can't take that risk again.

Also, I lack the discipline to create structure. I can't really blame my family tbh. Also, my family are not really in the best financial situation so it's not fair to ask for a reward from them for being an adult. I am just stuck in a rut and stuck with my thoughts constantly and I don't have any means of catharsis (aside from distractions like watching trashy tv). I feel like I am wasting my potential by being so damn scared all the time and I just want to be able to suck it up and get on with things, but every time I do I always seem to take a million steps back.

I hear what you are saying. Job hunting is never fun.

When you say you have motivation but you lack discipline, what are you saying? Is it that you're motivated by the bid outcome (the job) but unable to be disciplined to do the small steps at the specific times you've set?

For me, I have to keep remembering not to be put off by each lack of success - often really good people go through lots of job applications before getting one. And especially not to be put off by the possibility of lack of success!

Try to apply CBT methods to how you think about your last job - the fact that it was hard work and you still didn't get where you wanted there does not mean that will be true in every job. Companies are different! People are different! And some of them are frankly hostile to people not "like" them. Other people are OK.

Maybe look into free 'back to work' courses in your area.

Like the ones listed on this site

It might help you to form work habits again, adjust to a set routine, manage your time, practice interview skills,etc. It could also boost your self confidence to take on a small challenges and succeed each time, because the goals are realistic.

Yeah, pretty much. I am really bad at managing myself and sticking to routines, though I am trying to overcome this.



Yeah, thanks. I do believe attitude plays a big role. I think I need to practice more self compassion about my last job. Even my shrink seems to think that they put too much pressure on me. They even had to change the job description after I left to include somebody who had experience with "maintenance and web design" so I suppose they now see that they need somebody who is actually qualified to work there. Plus I don't wanna work there anyway because the place was a fire hazard. The fire door was always blocked and I don't think they even had any fire extinguishers! There was a lot more wrong with the place, but I won't go into that.

I suppose I ought to be glad that I have the experience and knowledge of the software to transfer to a new job. Also, I have applied for something really exciting involving my art and if I get in I'll get paid for the 2 months I participate. If I was still working at my last job I wouldn't be able to do that so I guess I'm glad.

Sorry for the double post!

That website seems cool, though I don't know if it will list jobs near to me as I am Scottish. However, I am using a bunch of job sites that list jobs in my area and my university offers job hunt services for graduates which is something I only found out recently.

I think I need to practice my interview skills and writing applications. Most of the time when I has been interviewed I get told that I am lovely and charming but appear to lack confidence. I try to fake it but it tends to seep through anyway so I need to work on making it more convincing. I think most of it is down to the language I use to describe my attributes downplays my abilities.

I am in the same boat as you are, I haven't worked in nearly 3 years. The last job I had I was only there 2 weeks. Looking back if I was trained more I think it could have worked out. I have applied for numerous jobs in that time span and only have had one interview. In the US I am working with a vocational councilor and a employment specialist. I have applied for 9 jobs but not even an interview. Life with autism can have it's ups and downs. I look for jobs multiple times a day it has been frustrating. I'm still hoping to find a good job, pay off debts and buy things that I really want. As for me keeping sane I do things around the house and workout twice a week. Me personally, I am at the age (35) where I am considered "young" but I have to ask myself is it worth looking at age 36, 37, etc? Most people my age are working and I am not and it upsets me a lot, but like you I still have that fear that if I do find something can I last 2 weeks? It's always on my mind.