Performance Review Questions

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Can my employer make me submit a performance review without an interview?
From what I understand of PPR policy, this is incorrect procedure.

And how exactly am I supposed to guage my performance?
I'm doing my job and no one's complained.
Am I supposed to make up some BS to write in there to make it look like I'm amazing?

What are my goals?
I don't know.
I don't have any.
Goals make me lose focus.

How about, "I would like you to leave me alone so I can get on with my actual job?"

I would ask other co-workers or the manager what exactly you need to do.

Be polite and patient even if you don't quite understand.

Try and inform your boss of what you have, so he might understand why certain things aren't as easy for you

Yes and no. Put anything in that shows that you add value to the company, roll your eyes and come up with some things to work on (goals), and use a tone that shows you are happy to work there. Yes it's a sales pitch, but not one that's overt, you want to show seriousness and dedication to your job, not necessarily how great you are.

Thank you for your replies.

I'm always very polite and patient at work.
I don't know why anyone would think otherwise

What if I write something along the lines of: I have been successful in meeting all outcomes, as can be seen by [insert evidence here]. I have shown initiative by working independently on [insert evidence] and also as a valuable member of the team during [insert evidence]. I've shown myself to be adaptable to many different roles within my job description [evidence] and I have displayed tact and sensitivity in dealing with difficult situations [evidence].

Goals: Continue to improve interpersonal skills through nominated professional development opportunities and by seeking feedback from relevant stakeholders where applicable.
Find a way to get money without going to work [(kidding.) Not really kidding].

How does that sound?
Anything I should add?

I applied for another job today
I should hear back soon if I've been successful or not.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Hmmm, brings back a few memories......

At my last 'performance review' (in 1999), I remember telling my 'appraiser' that I hadn't a clue who my 'line manager' was, and remarking that it sounded like something you'd find in a car factory.

When I was asked what I thought the point of a basic part of my job was, I said I couldn't see any point to it.....

A few months later I was out of a job, and haven't worked full time since (and I don't regret it).

Instead of saying you met "all outcomes" I would say something less strong like "met goals" or even "met major goals, continuing to fine tune performance in [whatever areas]." The rest of what you said sounds perfect.