You've got to be ''picky'' when you have a disability

Post Reply New Topic

A lot of people tell me that I can't be too picky when looking for jobs, but when you have a disability, of any sort, you have to be more picky than the average person. It's no good me applying for a job in a noisy bar, selling drinks to rowdy youngsters, just because it's the only job advertising. Because I suffer with social anxiety (which makes me socially awkward), and have attention problems, and I stress a lot and can be quite slow at some things, I have to be quite picky when looking and applying for jobs. This makes it a lot harder, because I lack confidence, and I need to find a job where I am not exposed to lots of people (like being under pressure to communicate with the public), and I need a patient boss who understands my needs when being trained or learning new things prior to the specific work environment. Sometimes I can learn tasks on the first time being shown, but other times I can be slow and confused, and I also get anxious a lot. I do find work daunting, and so I need a job in a rather Aspie-friendly environment.

But people say that I am being too picky, and that I can't be picky. But it's not like I'm choosing to be picky because of laziness or being too finicky. I am picky because I am anxious and lack some things that most NTs take for granted. Suppose somebody with no arms was looking for a new job. They'll have to be picky to find a job that's suitable for their needs. It's no good them applying for a job that involves tasks where arms are essential. They may still be able to find a job somewhere, but the boss needs to understand that they have no arms, so some things might be harder or even impossible to do because of their disability. So same with me. I may have arms and legs, but I think I only have half a brain. I hate my AS. I am too ''able'' to be eligible for any benefits, but my AS is more afflicting than what the government thinks.

You're right, but unfortunately, employers can be picky too. You will most likely have to compete with NTs for any job opening and may only be able to get jobs that aren't a good fit for you. I sympathize....

Hi Joe,

Perhaps it might be useful if you increased your qualifications. Maybe do something like X-ray technician or something. You're a bright person.

I don't really have a lot of time between my current job shifts to do learning courses and stuff.

I don't like my current job (at a care home), I really do not like medical stuff and care. But I need to move in with my boyfriend soon, and so I need a job closer to where he lives. I will be a very, very good worker if I am happy and interested in the work I am doing.

My ADHD and AS seems to affect me more in the career world than anything else. I can look after myself, go out by myself, make decisions, attend appointments, get public transport, purchase things, etc, all by myself, like the average able-bodied NT can. But when it comes to employment, I completely shut down. I feel discouraged, highly anxious, can't focus, and can't make up my mind what I want to do. And I feel that nobody understands.

This is actually why I am skeptical about retail. In addition to the higher amounts of customer interaction that come with retail, the schedules can often vary as much as a politician's positions on something. As I need more of a routine, retail is LAST on my list, but, sadly, seems to be the vast bulk of the jobs around here that I can get into.

So wrong, Illinois does NOT help with autistic wages or anything for that matter of fact. Just moved out after 26 years of torcher. I had to live homeless in that state, in between living with grandparents. Working full time jobs while going to college just to get a degree and demoted from my jobs because I was autistic. I don't have the answer but be smarter than I was. GET OUT OF ILLINOIS!! !

I totally agree with what you said except the having "half a brain". I don't think I have "half a brain" and I doubt you do. Neither literally (you physically have whole brain, don't you?) nor metaphorically (an idiot wouldn't be able to write this). Our brains are developed differently than NTs but our brains are whole brains too and we are equally capable as NTs, just in different things. AS is both a curse and a gift. It's not like we are mere idiots. We are gifted idiots. LOL

But aside of that - you are totally right. We need to be "picky" or else we wont be able to stand the work environment.
However there is a trap in it. A lot of the possible shortcomings we see seem too big due to anxiety.

Sometimes you never know until you try.

I honestly wish I could just go to work for a day to see if I can stand it or not before deciding I want to be hired there. And I think it would also benefit the company - they would see how I actually work instead of just hearing what I say at the interview and deciding they want to hire me or not based on that.

I already had two chances like that. And they actually wanted to hire me when they saw what I am capable of.
One time I agreed(and I was working there for a half of year, till they told me they want me to be in charge of phones and I resigned).
The other one I refused due to an unfriendly coworker (it was only a trial day and I was already bullied, what was that supposed to mean?).
Unfortunately it was only 2 out of about 30 job interviews I had so far(all other ended in "we will call you").
Trials are rare.

And well. It is also hard enough to keep anxiety in check while deciding if you are able to survive the trial day...
Anxiety makes every little problem seem huge.
For example the "not exposed to lots of people" thing. Are you sure you wouldn't be able to do that? Well, perhaps it is the case for you but not for me. I also have the "I don't want to be exposed to lots of people" anxiety but I also know I can deal with lots of strangers just fine - as long as the situation is right. For example I can imagine myself being an Information worker - answering people questions, guiding and explaining stuff. I do it anyway(I often help other customers at shops). I just don't want to be a cashier - I don't want to deal with money while taking care of customers, it's too much of multitasking.

Joe90 I sympathize and I agree, we do have to be pickier than most when considering which jobs we may be able to simply stand, as not considering these things is only going to result in very fast burnout and losing the job anyway, either because we walk out or get fired.

For years and years I was determined to just go for whatever jobs were out there and just do them, gritting my teeth and forcing myself to just put up with whatever bothered me about them. I was undiagnosed for most of my life until recently, and although I realized I had a ton of issues I couldn't understand about myself, I spent my whole life resigning myself to the idea that despite all the stuff that really made things feel like hell for me, I just had to push on with it and take the consequences to myself in terms of stress, burnout, shut downs and melt downs later at home.

I don't think anyone should have to live that way. I think we should do anything we feel we need to do to ensure that whatever we're going to spend every day doing is not going cause even more stress than if we had been able to select something that plays more to our strong suits, whatever an individual's strong points may be, and these will differ.

Keep looking for something you know you can handle better than the ones you know right away are going to be hell on wheels for you. I know now I just cannot do good work as a bar tender, wait person, or retail personnel, or anything of those natures. I know it makes your job search even harder and longer, but it's no good trying to shortcut into the very least fitting job and then winding up melting down, shutting down, being fired, or running out in high distress and having to explain that on a CV.

If you can handle noise and are reasonably fit you might be able to work in a distribution warehouse. You don't necessarily have to be big to do this--I know someone who does this and she is only 5' tall.

The only noise I can't really handle is the sound of toddlers in shops. Any other noise, like machinary, doesn't worry me.

When I said "half a brain", I didn't mean it literally lol. I was just being hard on myself.

Through past experiences, I have discovered that I find it really hard to be in autority, to take charge, of people. I know why and when to be upfront, but I am too passive. For example, when I worked in retail before, I found I was being haggled by some customers. I knew that I was being haggled, but I couldn't find the courage to argue back, so I ended up meekly letting them have something cheaper, or even for free. Luckily it was just a temporary voluntry job, but I still got a taste on how retail works, and I didn't like it.

I'd rather have a job where I don't have to deal with people (except co-workers, I don't find interacting with co-workers hard). I can multitask if I am working in a smaller space, but rushing back and forth all over a large building and having to essentially remember 10 different things at once does stress me out. I'd like to work in an office, where all my tasks I need to do are all on the computer in front of me. Dealing with people over the telephone is easier for me than having to talk face-to-face. But office jobs seem to be so hard to find.

I've had experience in lots of things, because when I was unemployed for 4 years, I used that time to do some volunteering, and I even went on some courses. But although all that is on my CV, I still have no luck getting anywhere.