"It's not what you say, it's how you say it."

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Anyone else been told this in the workplace? I get so frustrated by it...I don't know when I'm saying something the wrong way. That's one of the main criteria of AS! Just today, I was told that I raised my voice towards someone even though I didn't think I did.

Yup, I get told this often. Mostly from emails I've sent, which I can never see what I said wrong in

Often there just happens to be no acceptable way to say it. But why acknowledge this is the case, instead of blaming you and wasting loads of your time making you look in vain for a magical way of telling them what they don't want to hear? It's just too good as a power trip to forgo it.

I try to think of the best way to say something, and they say I'm "over-thinking."
I try to tell someone what they said, and I get asked "Who is they?"
Multiple people. I can't list the names, because this will further exasperate a person, especially NT.
I look for the best solutions, and they say I'm "trying too hard."
I go to the manager, and they say "Why are you so sensitive?"
I tell a therapist I am depressed, and they ask "Why??"
I go to a mental care unit at the hospital, and the doctor says "I don't know what to tell you because this bizarre."
Then someone reads a post like this, and tells me I am self-centered, because of the instances of the word "I" in my post, even though I'm not sure how else to reference my own problems, nor go about seeking help, without telling people that "I" was involved.
We can change the tense, and mood, and conjunction of the verbs:
You'll try to get a job, and the person will say "Why do you want to work here?"
You still, to this day, have not found the right answer to this question.
But, these conjugations don't work, because I have no way of knowing your experience, let alone the right to put the word "you" onto experiences that are my own.
For all I know, I could be the only one on Earth experiencing anything in the post I've just typed.
So, I'm sorry for I.

Yes. And that is precisely who "they" are. Illogical, unreasonable haters, who are becoming more and more of a minority in this increasingly-objective society.
Thank you.

If your officially diagnosed bring this to your HR's attention. I would recommend speaking with your Clinical psychologist first and when speaking to HR mention that you require accommodation on this issue. Now if you haven't sought accommodation yet do so because they can fire you and according to the EEOC they would be within their rights.

Example 19: Tom, a program director, has successfully controlled most symptoms of his bipolar disorder for a long period, but lately he has had a recurrence of certain symptoms. In the past couple of weeks, he has sometimes talked uncontrollably and his judgment has seemed erratic, leading him to propose projects and deadlines that are unrealistic. At a staff meeting, he becomes angry and disparaging towards a colleague who disagrees with him. Tom’s supervisor tells him after the meeting that his behavior was inappropriate. Tom agrees and reveals for the first time that he has bipolar disorder. He explains that he believes he is experiencing a recurrence of symptoms and says that he will contact his doctor immediately to discuss medical options. The next day Tom provides documentation from his doctor explaining the need to put him on different medication, and stating that it should take no more than six to eight weeks for the medication to eliminate the symptoms. The doctor believes Tom can still continue working, but that it would be helpful for the next couple of months if Tom had more discussions with his supervisor about projects and deadlines so that he could receive feedback to ensure that his goals are realistic. Tom also requests that his supervisor provide clear instructions in writing about work assignments as well as intermediate timetables to help him keep on track. The supervisor responds that Tom must treat his colleagues with respect and agrees to provide for up to two months all of the reasonable accommodations Tom has requested because they would assist him to continue performing his job without causing an undue hardship.





Practical Guidance: Ideally, employees will request reasonable accommodation before conduct problems arise, or at least before they become too serious.52 Although the ADA does not require employees to ask for an accommodation at a specific time, the timing of a request for reasonable accommodation is important because an employer does not have to rescind discipline (including termination) warranted by misconduct. Employees should not assume that an employer knows that an accommodation is needed to address a conduct issue merely because the employer knows about the employee’s disability. Nor does an employer’s knowledge of an employee’s disability require the employer to ask if the misbehavior is disability-related.



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Example 20: An employee informs her supervisor that she has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. A few months later, the supervisor asks to meet with the employee concerning her work on a recent assignment. At the meeting, the supervisor explains that the employee’s work has been generally good, but he provides some constructive criticism. The employee becomes angry, yells at the supervisor, and curses him when the supervisor tells her she cannot leave the meeting until he has finished discussing her work. The company terminates the employee, the same punishment given to any employee who is insubordinate. The employee protests her termination, telling the supervisor that her outburst was a result of her bipolar disorder which makes it hard for her to control her temper when she is feeling extreme stress. She says she was trying to get away from the supervisor when she felt she was losing control, but he ordered her not to leave the room. The employee apologizes and requests that the termination be rescinded and that in the future she be allowed to leave the premises if she feels that the stress may cause her to engage in inappropriate behavior. The employer may leave the termination in place without violating the ADA because the employee’s request for reasonable accommodation came after her insubordinate conduct.



SOURCE: https://www.eeoc.gov/facts/performance-conduct.html