Overtime

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Some of the guys at work do overtime until 8 or 9 in the evenings and also come in on both Saturday and Sunday. I'm so jealous of them!

If only I could get overtime. Yeah I'd get more money but money isn't the main reason I'm in this job. I'm mostly there to boost my deflated self-esteem because my snobby aunt called me lazy. Also some of the girls I wanted to date said I was a lazy unemployed welfare bum.

So that's why now I have a job. I want to become a workaholic in order to prop up my fragile ego and so that no one calls me lazy ever again!

But I still feel unworthy. If those other guys are asked to do overtime it must mean they're very important. Indispensable even on weekends. I'm disposable. The office still runs efficiently while I'm not there.

Technically these other team members who do OT still have the same job title and the same position as me. They're just much better at it.

I'm slow at work and easily confused. Imagine if I came in on Saturday but then did less work then everyone else. I'd feel so embarrassed that they're paying me time and a half yet I did less work than everyone else.

I work slower on normal days but if it happened during overtime I'd feel even more guilty because they'd be paying extra for my underperformance. My slowness is not worth $42 per hour.

The manager always has trouble getting more project hours for us from the BA even during non overtime hours so I'd feel so guilty if I made it harder for him but underperformed the way I usually do.

Today I came close to requesting permission to stay an extra hour but I chickened out when I realized I'd done less work than everyone else and if I did OT they'd wonder why they're paying me for an extra hour when I did less work in a 9 hour day than most people can do in a 8 hour day.

I was worried that doing OT would call my underperformance into question. The manager usually just ignors it but this would give him a reason to scrutinize it.

I felt so bad going home at 5pm today when some of the other guys stayed there longer. Like I'm lazier than them because I only work 8 hours per day. As I left I overheard the manager talking to them about how many hours they should do on Saturday and Sunday and I felt so worthless compared to them! You know how many hours I have scheduled this weekend? Zero! Same as every weekend

But if I did get to do evenings and weekends I'd feel so much more important and valued there. And even if I got really tired and exhausted that would make me feel more tough that I could endure that. Then I would no longer have to be jealous of those Asian school students who have the amazing ability to study for long hours without giving up, even when they're exhausted.

As for the money... there's this one guy in my "peer group" who especially does a lot of overtime. He's always really stoac and never complains. Anyway he was already doing quite well financially even before he started doing overtime. Now he has overtime pay on top of that.

Meanwhile, I have massive debts while I'm only getting the standard wage. If I got overtime pay I could use that to pay off my debts. My need for extra hours is greater than his. Yet they're giving him extra hours even though he has no financial problems.

How can I get overtime without the manager thinking I'm unworthy of it?

You need to become more efficient at work so that it is cost effective for your manager to give you overtime.