Very Unpleasant Job Search Memory

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I just remembered something very unpleasant about my job search in the past. It all started in January 2000, during my senior year of high school, when I started looking for a semi-permanent job. Since my experience was limited to "teenage jobs", I looked mainly in retain, clerical, and seasonal jobs. In addition, I also looked for work on campus, after college started. Mind you, I aimed very low, applying only at places I knew I was qualified for. Well, guess what? I couldn't find work until June 2002, when I got a job at a brand-new swimming pool. During the whole job search, I must have applied at over 100 different places: stores, offices, and numerous jobs on campus. Although I had a grand total of four interviews, not a single place would hire me! I was so outraged, I came close to being hospitalized after a meltdown I had one time (long story). I felt very stupid, inadequate, and worthless, since it's unreasonable not to get hired for 18 months.

In retrospect, the answer is very clear: Asperger's Syndrome. I must have been doing something very wrong whenever I asked for an application. So they'd let me fill that thing out, then throw it in the trash as soon as I walked out the door, thinking "what a f'ing loser". And so, it happened at every place I applied. That brand-new pool was probably really desperate to get up and running, so they disregarded my AS traits.

If I believed in regrets, a small one of mine would be that I didn't follow my urges to learn how to make a living in a solitary fashion. For many years I thought that I just needed to tough things out, get myself fixed, find the right situation and people to work with etc. No matter what the job, I always got to the point of not being able to take it anymore, meltdowns, or just not going back. I sometimes would get physically ill and not be able to go back. Sometimes get fired because my distaste would show. I sure wish some smart person would start an agency to help people like us find the types of jobs we can excel at. I keep coming up dry, whether it is Voc rehab, psychologists, counselors etc etc. Doesn't matter if they supposedly are dealing with the autistic all the time, same old stuff, different day, different year. Oh well, in many ways I feel we are too delicate for the world, not flawed, just different, which just makes me resist those that want to fix me. Aspie friendly workplaces, where are you?

i agree with finally fiddling. you need to have a long term goal of self employment. my biggest vocational mistake has been not seeing that. i was undxed most of my working life, just thought i was unusual, so it was hard to know where to go with the work thing.

Do not always assume that just because you have aspergers, that it is the cause of all your problems.
I have known many NT's who have been longterm unemployed despite best efforts, skills and good presentation. there are likely many other reasons why you did not get a job at that time.