"Not caring what others think" and the work world?

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MathGirl
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24 Mar 2017, 9:01 pm

I am just curious as to how the proponents of the "stop caring what others think" ideology fare in the workforce.

I personally find I cannot be successful at work without being super concerned about how others perceive me and adjusting my behaviour based on this knowledge, constantly. It is exhausting, yes, but I find that when I stop doing this, I lose grip of what is going on and mess up quite majorly. Like suddenly getting fired.

Because I often do not pick up on things, I need to keep asking questions about what is going on and what others are thinking to remain in good standing within the team. My idea of how I might be perceived, which I always need refreshers on because it is different in every environment, guides the questions I ask.

Is there any way to stop caring what others think and get along with others at work, that I am not aware of? I am getting really fed up with counsellors telling me to stop doing this when I've learned my survival depends on it.


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BTDT
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24 Mar 2017, 11:22 pm

If you are lucky, you can trade job responsibilities for those you find easy, but normal people find difficult.
For instance, I can write an technical description in fifteen minutes that would taken my co-workers hours.

Which is different than getting stuck with undervalued work that nobody wants. You don't want to do that. 8O



MathGirl
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25 Mar 2017, 12:18 am

BTDT wrote:
If you are lucky, you can trade job responsibilities for those you find easy, but normal people find difficult.
For instance, I can write an technical description in fifteen minutes that would taken my co-workers hours.

Which is different than getting stuck with undervalued work that nobody wants. You don't want to do that. 8O
But I don't want to do things that are just easy. I don't want to limit myself. I seek information to expand myself and my skills and get this "advice". Bleh.

I think the people who say the system is designed to make you perpetually stuck at the bottom, especially the adult system, are right. Solitary work may be fulfilling and completely satisfying to some Aspies, but not me.


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BTDT
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25 Mar 2017, 8:02 am

Most Aspies get in trouble with black/white thinking and taking words literally. Which is why, as you have found, to copy what others are doing. Perhaps it may be sufficient to just ask what you should do when something new comes up. No reason to ask about the new stuff. But, whenever a situation comes up that you have to do something new or different, then you ask. Even if the answer seems obvious or the customer has a convincing or logical argument.



MathGirl
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25 Mar 2017, 9:16 am

BTDT wrote:
Most Aspies get in trouble with black/white thinking and taking words literally. Which is why, as you have found, to copy what others are doing. Perhaps it may be sufficient to just ask what you should do when something new comes up. No reason to ask about the new stuff. But, whenever a situation comes up that you have to do something new or different, then you ask. Even if the answer seems obvious or the customer has a convincing or logical argument.
It goes beyond things that just come up, though. You need preventative measures before something really bad comes up.

For example, if you know others perceive you as standoffish or cold sometimes, you could say "I don't mean to be standoffish or cold" in situations where you think you might come off as such. Which can be really hard to decide, but at least the knowledge of what people have thought of you can help guide you along better. You can also catch yourself better and not say something that might offend someone when you have a better knowledge of the fact that it might offend them (again, thinking what others are thinking about your behaviour).

Copying others might not work when your tendencies are really unique.


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Leading a double life and loving it (but exhausted).

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