hi, everyone. long time lurker, first time poster.
i want to preface by saying i am aware how privileged i am to obtain and maintain a full-time job in today's (american) economy. i am incredibly grateful to earn enough money to live alone and make a decent life for myself and my cat.
that being said, working with the same people 40+ hours a week is driving me crazy. i have this coworker who has the loudest, most annoying voice, and for whatever reason she feels the need to reply to emails out loud and have an extensive discussion about literally everything that happens. she asks the same questions over and over, and gets butthurt over any personal criticism, even if it's a mistake she didn't even make.
usually, i would be able to ignore most of this, but most of my job requires communicating with her and making sure our work gets done correctly. she doesn't hear very well (which i know is why she's so loud), so i have to repeat myself and raise my voice, and she gets upset when i inevitably lose my patience and "snap" at her. this in turn upsets me, because i have spent the past 10 years studying communication and social psychology to improve interactions like this, and all my recent autism diagnosis did was make this an instinctual neurological reaction that is beyond my control, which upsets me more.
my boss is tired of hearing me complain about coworkers being loud and inconsiderate, and told me so in no uncertain terms the last time i tried to bring this up to her. the person above her is not sympathetic toward anyone who is "different" and someone i prefer to avoid at all costs. i don't think i have to go into why it's impossible for me to just quit and get another job, so my only option is finding a coping method that will help me put up with the natural hustle and bustle of an office without losing my cool when i get overloaded from all the sensory stimulation and social interactions.
i have a number of stim toys at my desk. i wear a floppy hat that minimizes the fluorescent light from burning my eyeballs and diffuses some of the noise. i have ear plugs and big cushiony headphones that i can't wear all the time because i need to be able to hear what people are saying to do my job, but they are there in case of emergencies. i have a white noise machine and a seat cushion and essential oils and literally everything i need to make myself as comfortable as possible given the environment and extensive amount of time i have to spend with the same damn people and their quirks.
i have tried desperately to improve the communication in my office, but i am a lowly (underemployed) office b***h and most of my suggestions are not taken seriously, or in the event they are implemented, they are not followed. i have a business degree and a psychology degree, but i am seen as a complainer and my ideas self-serving despite insisting how they would benefit the entire office and boost overall morale.
it has gotten to the point where it's degrading my own mental health. yesterday was particularly bad, where i was considering paying the $250 copay to go to the emergency room and voluntarily check myself into an inpatient facility. i took a mental health day today, but no matter how much i relax and detox this weekend, i will still have to go back on monday and every business day until i can retire or die, whichever comes first. nothing will change unless i can find a way to exist in a world where my brain is not compatible, which seems less and less likely with each "situation" that leaves me hating myself and everyone around me who makes the problem about me and not their loud, annoying behavior.
11 Aug 2017, 10:45 am
