New job and new relationship

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Hi everyone,

I think this topic applies to both the "Work and finding a Job" and "Love and Dating" subforums.

First of all I'm not diagnosed with autism but me and some friends of mine think I do have some form of autism.

About nine years ago, after I finished my studies (information technology) I got a job as a software engineer (web developer). After 1.5 year I quit that job as I found it very hard to work 8 hours a day behind a screen in a small room with five people, 32 hours a week. I had difficulties to get along with colleagues as well. In the beginning everything was new and fine, but after I got chronically tired social problems started to arise. For instance I couldn't handle the radio that was playing all day. I just can't concentrate when (unpleasant) music is playing. This, together with tiredness, led to bad relationships with my colleagues and finally my job ended after 1.5 years.

I managed to get a freelance project and I have been working on that project for over seven years now. Although I just earned enough money to survive, I was very happy as I only working 2-4 hours a day and I'm very flexible in planning my work. One big passion of mine is long distance bicycling as it keeps my mind clear and I had plenty of spare time to bike.

Recently I got a girlfriend at the age of 35 - I never had a relationship before. I was very surprised - and happy - that a women was interested in me, we met through an online dating website. Our relationship is doing fine as far as I know, Recently we had a nice holiday together.

Unfortunately the freelance work is declining - right now I'm forced to find a new job. This makes me very stressed and nervous as I remember how it was when I had a regular job: I was chronically tired, not interested in work and colleagues, I didn't have any energy during the weekends so no bicycling or any meaningful spare time. Back then at least my job was in my hometown whereas right now it seems more difficult to find a part time job in my home town. Adding traveling time will make things even more strenuous.

My girlfriend thinks, because of my good papers, I can get a well paying job. She stimulates me to apply to jobs. I know this is well-intended but it makes me feel stressed. I don't want to loose her but I don't know what she expects of me when it comes to work and career.

We live about 60 km apart and she told me she would like to live together, preferably at her place. So I have the option to find a job in her town. It's a bigger town with more jobs / possibilities. But at the same time to me it feels very risky to find both a job and a new place to live. Two big changes in my live at the same time.

Because of stress I have some difficulties with sleeping and being positive.

I'm wondering how you people think about this situation and do you have any advice? About work, about communicating my problems with my girlfriend, and about getting an autism test.

Kind regards

It can be very hard to recognize good job skills on your own. It is easy to discount skills because they come so easy. And over-value skills because they are hard for you. Soccer and baseball are basically kids games, but the very best get rich playing them.

Thanks for your reply.

Today I got an invitation for an job interview next week. This job has a minimum amount of 32 hours per week. Yesterday I found another vacancy which is 25.2 - 36 hours a week. I prefer the last option as this could become a 3 days in a week job (no guarantee about how many hours it will be) rather than a 4 days in a week job. I think it is more realistic for me to work 24 rather than 32 hours a week as there is also travelling time invloved and I used to get very tired from working 32 hours a week. Another (big) advantage of the 24 hours a weekk job is that I can keep my freelance project.

The problem is that I have an interview for the 4 days in a week job next week, and one week after that the (possible) 3 days in a week job vacancy closes.

I prefer to apply to both vacancies before submitting to one. But what if the first (32 hours a week) one want to give me the job?

I find it very hard to plan and synchronize these things.

A job interview should actually work both ways. You should be evaluating how suitable the job is for you. Which job has the easiest commute. Which job has lower stress? Typically working in a cubical under bright lights and noisy co-workers is much harder than working in your own office in which you can turn down the lights and shut the door when your co-workers are talking too loudly. Some jobs are very hectic, while others are boring because there is plenty of time in which you are waiting for work to show up.