I have a part-time janitorial job cleaning at a retail store, and the company I'm employed by is being sold to another company. A week ago I was told about this, and that my last day of work would be August 26th. Today someone from the new company came and offered me a position with them, working at the same store. This took me by surprise, and I told him I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, so he gave me a business card and told me to submit an application online if I was interested.
The thing is, I'd been planning to quit my current job sometime within the next two months anyway, because I can't handle another holiday season working in a retail store, even if I'm not directly dealing with customers. We had three people taking shifts to clean the store - one full-time worker, me, and one other part-time worker. Last year, the other part-time worker quit the day after Black Friday, and for most of the holiday season, no one to take over his position. Since I was the other part-time worker, I was asked to cover every shift he would have been working (seriously, every one, every week). I always took one or two extra shifts every week, but I felt inadequate because I couldn't do more than that (I was also fostering a service dog in training and had to be with him a certain number of hours). The stress and stuff is probably what brought my depression back this time, and is absolutely what got me started cutting myself again. Recently I've also had suicidal thoughts returning, and I'm afraid that I wouldn't make it through another holiday season if it was anything like last year's.
However, it took me six months after graduating from college to get even this job, and I've been looking for another job, or at least another part-time job so I can afford to live on my own, while I've had it, which has been over a year. I applied to over thirty different places during that first six months, and only ever heard anything back from two of them (one of which gave me a preliminary interview, which I promptly failed because I have a tremor that makes me look much more nervous than I am, and the other of which had no interview and gave me my current job). My dad also seems to think that having any sort of employment gap looks absolutely horrible on a resume, and was extremely opposed to the idea of me quitting my job so I could devote all my time to getting a better one when I mentioned it to him. Whether he's right about that or not, he's probably going to yell at me about how I clearly don't care about my future and stuff if I don't take this job, and I can't handle that right now, either. He has a tendency to yell stuff like that at me when he doesn't like something I suggest or the way I've handled a situation, and I'm very afraid he's going to do it again - and I'm already struggling with thoughts of feeling worthless and inadequate, so I really don't need him telling me that, too.
So my question is, should I take the job offer while I have it, since at least it's something, or not?
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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"