OMG I sound so "off"

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When I speak it sounds normal to me, but I just did a digital interview for the bank where I had to record my answers. Man do I seem "off" somehow. Like my voice doesn't sound right for some reason and my gestures are so strange... Will they hire someone like that? IDK but I'm thinking about recording a video and posting it just to show you what I'm talking about...

you must be referring to the "uncanny valley" visual and aural presentation common among so many on the spectrum. I have the somewhat odd or missing/inappropriate body language and odd vocal prosody, as well. you are not alone.

I actually made that video:

https://youtu.be/TP3YcvAAxMo

I have known people that you remind me of, in the army. in the video you seem to be shaking, do you have something akin to Tardive Dyskinesia?

Yes, I was diagnosed with Parkinsonism tremors related to my psych meds

I hope you are feeling alright. I useta have an "intentional tremor" when young, I shook like a leaf, until I was prescribed atenolol [beta blocker drug] which stopped the tremors in my case. but the side effects were harsh at times.

The tremors used to be 10x worse than that... This is much improved

glad to hear that. so did the pdocs give you different pmeds or ones that directly improved the symptoms?

One pdoc tried everything but removing the lithium but when a different doc changed the lithium out my tremors went down a lot.

I was not sure which one had the reputation for giving the shakes. now I know. had you tried beta blockers before?

I'm so sorry about the tremors. I had a run-in with Geodon back when I was misdiagnosed as bipolar. I miraculously escaped tardive dyskinesia (though it stopped me sleeping any time except micro sleeping while driving, it's a miracle I never had an accident, and the withdrawal was hell and the OD of lithium they gave me during withdrawal triggered permanent tinnitus).

Which is to say, a) neurotypicals being judgy about personal presentation sucks, especially in HR, and b) psych drugs, especially if it was a totally wrong diagnosis because the doctor has never seen an autistic verbal adult (especially an autistic woman) can really suck. Sending good vibes! A bit of hope: many NTs who don't have on-camera experience look unnatural in those video clip interviews too.