Lost job #41

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I freaked I lost my job again. Here is the short of it. I had had diarrhea since 4am. Came into work, the same place a week ago I had my wife pick me up do to panic attack that escalated to full blown respiratory alkolosis. The workplace where even the mere voices of some of my coworkers was absolutely intolerable. (I didn't realize at the time but the meds I use to take the edge off on bad days. Literally goes down the toilet with that symptom, so I was dealing with all this under the worst possible circumstances) I politely asked the worst offender(worst meaning loudest and who enjoyed making loud noises to see me jump or shutter) 3 times that morning to not talk to me. After the 4th "slip" I exploded. "Shut the $#$$ up!" It escalated until it became a screaming match. Management did nothing. I was one step away from stabbing the guy in the neck. Left and never came back. I am a bad father not earning income, but I would be a worse one from a prison cell. Now I fill out job apps from home. In pure terror of the next job. I never received a letter of termination and unemployment needs one. I freeze up and get nausea if my wife even brings up calling my old work. It is so bad feel like I am going to die. I would almost rather die than walk into an interview again, or call the old place, or tell my wife I can't do it. But I have no choice, I am losing it here. I swear the intestinal destroying, erratic mental blender, gut wrenching state I am in is the worst PTSD ever in my life. I am going to die or watch all my meager cash disappear and my utilities all get shut off, same thing really. What in hell... no wonder people on the spectrum die early.
Anybody else get this?

I’m a lurker, made an account just to reply to your post. Not only do I “get this”, but I just went through it ...again.

My wife found my boss’s number and called just to see what went down. I used to be fearful of not being hired because of my scattered employment history - now I’m terrified of what the next job will bring. That said, I’m ready to try again (even if it’s the anxiety and desperation to pay bills). My first therapy session is soon, so hopefully that helps, and it is really my only suggestion.

You’re not alone. Hopefully we can all find the tools to succeed.

I find myself staring down the same barrel. I posted on here telling others about finding a job with minimal people and maximum "entertainment." I thought I had it but it changed into a new position. Now I'm supposed to supervise a production area and no matter how hard I try, I can barely understand the basic flow of the department and I'm already overwhelmed at all the things I'm told I'll have to manage. The people, the 4 different areas screaming, "We need it now." supply management, my management, all without a degree. I mean they bought my BS because I was in an area that I'd worked in for years...now I'm in a place I've never seen and the thought of being solely responsible for it kept me home today. I made it all the way to work though and just sat in the car. I knew if I got out I would've passed out or thrown up. Idk what I'm gonna do. We'll see and I guess I'll keep you posted. But yeah, you're not alone.