Is it bad that I don't have a part time job at 19?

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My stepdad really wants me to get a part time job, as I'm off university for the summer and don't have much to do. However, I'm really unwilling and feel very pressured to do so.

Basically, there's a long line of reasons that I think are leading up to me feeling resistance towards getting a job. I am very hard working generally, and love my studies, for example. However I had a trauma with bullying while in my last year of sixth form (age 18) before uni, and my main goal according to my uni mentor is healing from it. I've really suffered from some PTSD symptoms, as well as recently receiving my working diagnosis for Asperger's, and I feel there's a lot to process with everything that's gone on in my life, as so much has changed and I really just want a summer to have my therapy and relax after my first year at uni.

However, I am getting up really late, and not doing an awful lot other than eating, reading and sleeping, and because I get so much time off it exacerbates this idea that I'm lazy and just lounging around, which isn't the case most of the time... so my stepdad thinks deep down I'm being lazy and I can feel him resenting me slightly for it. I also want to live on campus for my next year at uni which is expensive even though they could manage, it would be scraping by and I do acknowledge it's a bit selfish of me to want them to pay for that and me not contribute at all.

The idea of getting a job for me just feels so wrong, and I went and tried to work at an icecream shop for a day, but the boss quite rude and I was awful at it, getting everything wrong and the hours were really long. I am doing quite well at uni, with a few firsts and I really don't know how to work hard with the more 'practical' side of life, and i feel as if my academics don't really count in this sense and everyone is forgetting that I do work hard, just not in that way of practicality.

I told my parents I will stay at home and commute, so I don't have to get a part time job, because it just feels so wrong to me.

I just feel it would be best for me to relax and just heal from everything and try and get my head together, but my stepdad thinks a lot differently.

Should I feel guilty or is it okay?

Would your step-dad accept the compromise of doing a bit of volunteer work some place you might enjoy? That could be less stressful than regular work, but still get you a bit of experience.

I think he'd be fine with that, luckily the matter is a bit settled now but I still feel bad for not getting a job and my parents having to pay. But they're not entitled to any 'hardship funds' and I've been told by my therapist it would be really good for me to get some independence.

I think I might volunteer at a mental health hospital as there are some vacancies!!

Thank you so much for the reply

People do judge by what time a person wakes up, of course they shouldn’t, but they do.

As a second factor, I’m a big believer in pre-studying. For example, a scientist might oh-so-casually skim through a topic before a conference and get so much more out of the conference that way.

So perhaps combine the two just a little, and experiment with earlier waking up and then afternoon naps?

And if the pre-studying appeals to you, maybe a part-time job during the school year if you feel you’re ahead of the curve. That would be more in flow with the whole greater school environment, and some chance of finding a friend or two, although I’m sure like me you’ve learned that friendship possibilities don’t happen on any particular schedule.

* you might have plenty of friends, but it’s often been an issue for me

In any case, I wish you a successful coming year at school, both academically and personally.

Is It Bad That I Don't Have A Part Time Job At 19?

My answer would be "It is Good to have a Part Time Job at 19".

Many Aspies complete there University Education and then find out that a job is not magically waiting for them. Sometimes they begin working in a career only to find out that they hate it or cannot adjust to it and soon quite.
Working is the first step towards independence. It helps to prepare you for a career.

I worked part time during high school. In high school I worked as a clerk in a small “5 and dime” department store and then in construction during the summer assembling outdoor metal storage sheds.

I worked jobs (20 hours per week) whenever I was in school and (40 hours per week) during the summers, the entire time I was in college. During my four years of college, I worked:
* in the main branch of a bank balancing daily receipts.
* as a postman in the downtown mail sorting station.
* as a parking lot attendant.
* as a warehouseman in a large department store storage facility.
* as a night shift operator on a cyclotron.
* with a supercomputer performing heat transport modeling.

I became financially independent at around the age of 20, around the time I completed my first year at college.

Why were these part-time/summer jobs important?
* I developed a rock solid work ethic and a positive attitude.
* I learned what is acceptable in the workplace and what will get you fired. (normally a career ender)
* I learned to be a productive employee. (The first few months of employment in a career field sets the tone for the rest of your career – therefore keying into this trait prior to establishing a career is a key attribute.)
* It opens up new skills and allows one to sharpen their skills. Work is another form of learning experience. It is essentially a different type of school.
* Managing money.
* Navigational skills in getting to work and finding my way home.
* Skills in marketing oneself.
* Mature your work style.
* The ability to exercise flexibility, adaptability and resourcefulness.
* Sharpens out-of-box thinking and problem solving.
* Overcoming shyness and practicing extrovert qualities.
* Work incorporates both educational skills but also real life skills.
* Evolve time management skills, executive function, theory of mind, organizational skills and common sense logic.
* These jobs also helped pay my way through college.

I passed this tradition onto my daughters.

My oldest daughter was 13 years old when she started working a summer jobs detasseling corn. It was very hard manual labor. She was building a strong work ethic. It was important that she learned that without an education; this is the type of unskilled labor and low paying jobs available to her. You can be a ditch digger but do you really want to work that backbreaking profession for the rest of your life?

When my youngest daughter was around 13 years old during the summer she volunteer as a full time hospital volunteer (pink lady) for two summers. She wanted to become a medical doctor and this was good experience. Later she began to work in a store similar to a Wal-Mart. Before she even turned 18, they offered her a top management position in the store but she declined because she was going to become a medical doctor (and she did).

If the main problem is your stepdad thinking you're lazy and you want him to know that it's not the case, how about starting with housework? You know, taking over bit by bit simple every day things that he or your mom usually do. Also, if your family is tight on money and still going to pay all your necessary things, it'd be best if you never asked for money for anything that wasn't necessary, like movie tickets or for going out to eat. It might feel unreasonable if you're used to those things, but if your family has it tight and you can't contribute financially, at the very least try to be as small of a financial burden as you can.

I like what the others posted before me. I will add that I don't know how things are where your at but the way they are here in the US, it may be next to impossible to find a summer job 1ce summer starts. Lots of people going to skewl or graduating tend to look for jobs before summer starts. The companies may not be hiring again for anything you'd have a chance of getting & doing until skewl starts back up since the people they hired for the summer will be going back to skewl. jimmy is rite about a job being very beneficial for developing independence in lots of ways. However since darkwaver suggested volunteering & your trying that route, I will say that lots of the skills jimmy mentioned that you could get from having a job, you could potentially also get from volunteering. What Fireblossom said is really good too & helping more with housework would help develop independence skills & it will help show your stepdad your trying. Maybe you'll be more ready for a job next year if you start looking a couple months before skewl starts & have some volunteering experience you could put on job apps.

I think that summer should be spent doing some kind of physical exercise. A perfect job seems to be a landscaper's assistant of some kind. Hard physical work to get some sun and muscles. dealing with pretty flowers, grass, rocks and maybe one or two people. That sounds to me like a perfect job. Another surprisingly high paid job is a flag-man on a construction site. If you have a state (municipality?) jobs website, there are often short term jobs. One year when I was a teenager, I spend the summer helping to make pathways for handicapped people (in wheelchairs) so that they could relax in the forest. It was hot grungy work, but I really enjoyed it.

I don't think I had a part-time job until I was about 23. I was in school most of that time.

However, that doesn't mean that they didn't try hard to get me to find a job every year when I came home. I put in a few applications here and there. Nothing came of it. I did manage to have a volunteer position one summer working with children (Thought I wanted to be a special education teacher).

It wasn't until after 5 years of college; transferring schools between 2nd and 3rd years; and a miserable 5th year, both academically and personally; I decided to leave college all together and move back home.

Well, since I didn't have school anymore, I had to do something and I couldn't just veg out on the couch anymore. That wouldn't fly, so I walked all over the neighborhood, filling out applications. Finally had 2 part-time jobs (one in retail, overnight job that I loved, and the other in the food industry).

IMHO lazy is highly underrated. so is late awakening. a lot of working folk, no matter how early they started working, surely didn't do it for fun, and pretty surely think at least now and then, of how nice it would be to just be able to sit on one's tuchas and do absolutely nothing for a change.