I have work soon and I don't know if I can do it.

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They are desperate. Short staffed. They need an extra hand. I can't say "No" as I need to try to get back into things. But at the same time I don't know how I will cope. I told him that I will give it a try and see how things will go.
Fortunately I will be out the back assembling bikes next to a big air conditioning machine which I love, as though it is noisy, I am in a world of my own as it drowns out all other sounds. If the other guy is not there, then I get this prime position to work in.
My problem is that I am getting partial shut downs when I tried to work on a friends bike at home. Hopefully the shutdowns will leave me alone! I am generally not feeling that strong. Actually feeling weak. Umm. But unless I try... I have to try. They need me!

Good luck MG!

I feel like you will do well, Mountain Goat.

I'll dona decade of the rosary for you, and consider you if I go to Mass tonight.

Assembling bikes sounds like a good thing to do. Good luck.

Thank you people. They need to get permission from head office to employ me. They have the allocated hours to employ... Just not permission yet.
I am waiting for them to get in touch.
To be totally frank and honest, I am easy either way in that yes, the money will come in handy... But if it is a "No", I am not dissapointed as it saves me from the stress of having partial shutdowns which are certainly not nice to get, and I am likely to get them daily... "Grrr!"

I went to the dentist today just for a check up. I was soo nurvous. All is fine. I have been nurvous about this date for a few months.

I hardly slept last night...

Now tomorrow I think there is nothing on so I just rest. The day after is work time. I don't feel at all ready to start work but I have to try, as I need to try to pull myself out of this rut. Ok for now I am safe in the rut... But "Grrr!" What happens if I can't cope? Is not coping in life called burnout, where I am not up to doing anything much? Is this burnout? If it is I have it!
But I must drag my body and try to subdue the nurves. Try my best to avoid partial shutdowns. "Grrr". So difficult. "SWITCH" Must be all conquering and positive... I'm positive I don't feel like working! Erm... No. That's not it...
I can do it... I can do it... I must do it... I can do it... I'm the greatest bicycle mechanic I know! I can do it! I can work on bikes! Helping new bicycles hatch out of their little boxes.... They need my help! I'm coming little bikies! I'll be there! I'm coming! Don't worry little bikies. I will assemble you! I love you bikes!
I must carry on... I must carry on. I MUST. I MUST. I MUST!
Get up body... Shake yourself... Wake yourself... Get some "GRRR" into you! "GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

"HELP!"

It is tomorrow... And strangely I am a little more relaxed. I have worked out why I seemed to be having partial shutdowns due to panic when working on bikes for friends... Well. Prior to this I had shocked myself as when another staff member was trying to speak to me I was coming out if a partial shutdown and it was just not going in, and I made a mistake.

Ummm. Some workplaces don't want human beings. They want human doings. I don't feel much of a doing.. At the moment physically I am not that strong...

Hope your job is going well MG

Thanks. It was all on the computer and some to do at home as ran out of time... But I can't do it as hard to see on the tablet, and is so frustrating. Is something kiddies would be good at... I am not a kiddie. I just gave up! Grrr. (Not the job. The tasks I am supposed to catch up with at home).
I hate these educative courses which one does not learn at all. Is about clicking things in the right sequences! Grrr. FRUSTRATING!

Sending you a big hug MG

Thanks Teach51. I know that if I didn't come away from it when I was soo frustrated, I would get a build up of pressure inside. I used to have that when in school where I couldn't always come away from it... I would have to switch off my brain and go into daydreaming about trains to let off the pressure. I was thinking about this this morning while in bed. Is it something rhat I do or is it common to everyone? Usually I find when I reach challenges that I can't tackle if I try to push myself my mind goes blank. Nothing. I can't think of anything at all. I have to mentally step back and go around the problem. I either ignore it to avoid the pressure (Hence daydreaming about trains) or I sit there stuck at the mind blank stage (Which when in school I would usually put my hands over my ears and try to stop any more information hitting me... But I later developed a way I could switch off my hearing to some extent... Does not always work!) or I would scoot around the problem (If it was something to do with something I could latch onto) and I would then explore avenues aroud the problem where I ignoted the problem itself, but by exploring around it, the problem itself would then slot into place. This could take many months of thinking every avenue out carefully to do... But in this situation I don't have months... "Grr!" The question... Well. I am logically minded so the subject itself I either know or could easily tackle. However, the way these computer questions are where one has to tick the exact right boxes in the right places one after the other in the section to pass and the logic to it (As there is no logic if one can't think in the way the one who set the questions can think) is sometimes warped, so I have to then ignore the questions and try to answer it like a complex form of the board game "Mastermind" but instead of just four variables, here I have about 20... And these sort of puzzles hurt my brain!
Where the problems stem from is the paragraphs we read to get the information to answer the questions are written so the questions themselves often can't be answered directly. For example (And I'm simplifying here) if I said "The cat is red" I could easily answer a question on "What colour is the cat?" However, if the question refers to the colour of yhe cat in an indirect way I will be stumped, even though the question is a very simple question to work out? I think it is along these lines I am getting the issues.
If I was being asked by a person and not a computer I would be fine as I can question further. I hate computers in this way! I never fit in a tick box society! "Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"

I hope that a diagnosis will bring you a deeper understanding of yourself MG.
It wasn't till I had to fight the system for my ADHD kids that I realised, after they were diagnosed, how serious my own ADD is. Then I became more tolerant of myself and my own difficulties. It is nobody's fault to have disabilities. I just learn how to live with myself in peace, my best has to be good enough, though it's a struggle. I was told that I was lazy and stupid as a child, now I know that I miss a great deal of what's going on due to a wandering mind and an inability for abstract thinking. Motivation and hard work have earned me two professions, and my ability to focus and be efficient takes an unbelievable effort. I am very unconventional in my approach and do very well with my students who are ND's.
I ensure that I get enough rest, avoid draining social situations, prefer one on one gatherings and provide myself with a calm environment. It really helped me to learn my own limitations and how to organize my life to suit my needs.

I stopped nursing because I couldn't stand the way other staff cut corners and were negligent, and I couldn't get the patients out of my head when I was off duty, I couldn't separate their pain from myself.

Have you finished with the computer stuff that you hate MG? Was it just a preliminary requirement for the job?

Thank you both for the kind or in agreement replies. Well. Today I went in a little early so I could try to sort the computer things out. I did a little more and somehow managed to get all the sections right first time. Then the shift started and I had things to do. I found I am ok again at assembling bikss, which is a relief. With the first bike though I broke into a sudden sweat. It was ok as I was on my own doing what I enjoy... so I soon calmed down. (It would have been embarissing if it happened in front of people!)
Then I started getting into the swing of things again. I assembled a few bikes, and then someone was struggling with a wheel, and you know me... Wheels are my speciality! I soon had it sorted even though the rim had sprung... I was able to persuade the rim to find itself a more naturally central position before I trued it up. This is where experience comes it, though technically its simple. It is all about know-how if that makes sense? I hope his wheel lasts ages!
The last twenty minutes or so I came on the shop floor as I had run out of bikes to assemble, but I am a bit unsure of myself... It is not that I don't have experience. I have years of sales experience, and once for a couple of years I was in charge of a bicycle department. But for me though I can do it and do it well, being behind the scenes with just me and the bikes... I am in my element.
There have been a few changes to the way the shop is run since I was last there. I won't go into details as it would not be fair for the compant to reveal its secrets, but I will say that these days everything relies more on ordering from a big central warehouse rather then keeping everything in stock. My first job was very different.A small bike shop which kept a big stock of everything... We had genuine parts going right back to the 1930's, though his shop started in the 1980's. He bought stock from a previously closed bicycle shop. Sadly my first boss died around eight to ten years ago. The idea being was to always keep an abundance of everything you could, as if you didn't have it, you would lose a sale. Very different today, except one good thing. You could be waiting weeks or even up to six months to get certain items in stock. Today it is next day where even manufacturers act quick and make things to order.

Anyway. I am going iff on tangents again!