Came Out at Work

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I have been working the same job for about 13 years and decided to slowly let people know once and for all that I am on the Spectrum. I literally had nothing to lose at this stage because I am completely burned out and need a change anyway. I figured it was worth the risk in that someone interviewing me might give me some slack and understanding. If not, I am in the union anyway and already am very well respected in my niche so I never have to worry about losing what have.

So far the results have been pretty positive and I will never forget the reaction of some coworkers when I told them all at once: nothing. In short, they probably assumed something similar all along and I just confirmed what they already knew. One positive is that they have been more willing to share THEIR issues with me. Two have told me they have ADHD and one told me about her son with Tourette's and similar misunderstandings of that condition. I also told a specialist Doctor (who mainly works with children) and she looked at me and said "okay.... you must have a very mild case of it then", which further shows that "experts" can be the most ignorant of all.

I wouldn't see that last person as an ignorant expert. She just meant that your symptoms of aspergers aren't so noticeable. I get that all the time. People say to me, "Are you sure?" "You don't seem to be?" ----as if they were reading up on the subject!! ! Everyday people know very little about this unless they have a child who was diagnosed for school, etc... Sometimes, the good thing about disclosure is that people feel free to tell you stuff. You begin to realize that you are not alone at all. I had an adult neighbor who blatantly made fun at my child for riding the van to school. When her own granddaughter was diagnosed with autism, life took a big turn. Now, I'm a source of constant information for her. I still think that she is an ignorant a**hole though ... but I'll help her out.

First of all, good for you for choosing to disclose at work and I'm glad it went well for you.

Secondly, the response from that doctor: I think if someone said that to me, especially a healthcare professional, I'd probably say something like: "Well, you don't see me and see what I can or can't do after I finish a workday and a day of masking and doing what I need to do to function "normally"." I consider a comment like the doctor made to be insensitive and presumptuous (thinking that how you appear on the outside is how you feel on the inside). To me it's no different than a person suffering from major depression who holds it together enough to appear "fine" in public being told they must have a "very mild case of it then." because they're not bursting out crying.

We should have a thread to share ideas about how best to respond to people who say such things to us.

I totally agree: I recently discovered that I have severe anxiety and depression and nobody would ever suspect it if they didn't know me well. For example, when I was a member of Toastmasters I won the "most enthusiastic" award more than the other 30+ members combined! I will grant this Doctor is probably used to children who are much more obvious (she specializes in allergies and asthma) but she really shouldn't assume I am "mild" because I can function on my own. Put me in a loud building or a place where I have little control (like a crowded jail cell) and you will quickly see it's anything but mild. I pretty smiled, told her I was an expert and hiding it and after doing something like a networking event it would be much more obvious rather than sitting in a quiet office with someone I trust. Having said that I have noticed many Specialists I have seen over the years are very likely undiagnosed Aspies as they have zero social skills, not great bedside manner, look like bumbling idiots yet are wickedly smart about their area of expertise and I will be forever grateful for their knowledge that led to a proper diagnosis of an extremely rare (but not serious) condition I have and that I wasn't a hypochondriac or attention seeker.

Getting back to the topic at hand, it was certainly a lot better reaction than I got years ago when I was a part of a local sports and social club: even though I had been there for years they treated me like I had leprosy and never invited me anywhere again. Maybe they thought I was just making it up for attention? For an excuse? That I was a pathological liar? That I was telling them because I was planning on killing them? Who knows.


Absolutely. It was quite surprising to discover that the average person seems to believe:
Autism= out of control, screaming prepubescent boy who bangs their head against walls
Tourette's= teenage boy screaming obscenities
Schizophrenia= someone who is violent, delusional and mentally unstable.
Even when I told the insurance company about getting an ASD test (they refused to reimburse me until I told them why I spent "an unusual amount of time" at a Psychologist at once) I had to explain twice that it wasn't for my baby but for me. Yes, adults can have Autism and they can also have families too!

I now understand what a former boss said to me when one day we were talking and he said "now I understand you. I get you. I am happy to support you." completely out of the blue. I didn't understand at the time what on Earth he was talking about but now I understand he probably had a child who just got diagnosed!

THIS ^.

"Well it must be mild ..." These types of comments are patronising and dismissive of the struggles we face day to day. People think they're being polite and complimentary, when it actually comes across as rude. They're essentially saying "your invisible disability doesn't matter very much unless I can validate it in a snap judgment".

When doctors say this, it's especially hurtful. They should know better than to perpetuate stereotypes and undermine patients' true diagnoses.

Would a random person or a medical professional be polite to say "Gee, you don't look like you have cancer. It must be mild. Are you sure you're actually sick?" I sincerely doubt it.

I'd want to say "Gee, are you sure you're actually licensed to practise medicine? You don't sound like it."

That sounds like you guys got to know each other first which allowed you to open up about your situation rather than when it would have been 6 months down the road. Not everyone needs to know you are autistic other than human resources at most.