I have to vent

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I worked as a Massage Therapist for two years. My autism was a strength when offering the service; I was very technical and passionate (hence, my special interest) and people gave me very positive, glowing reviews. My co-workers and boss were very impressed with the work I've done. However, I can barely do it anymore. The social aspect is very challenging. I dread going into work everyday; it's hard to know what to say to the front front desk worker coming in other than "hi" and "how are you" and they find me so predictable that they just nod and not give me much eye contact. My co-workers find me odd and have a hard time understanding why I say/phrase things the way I do sometimes, why I seem somewhat stressed/anxious, why they cannot emotionally connect or build a relationship with me. However, I am fortunate that I haven't faced any bullying. My co-workers like me a little bit but they generally are just confused and uncertain about me. My clients are also a little uncomfortable around me as well; they don't know why I'm overly polite, so articulate, and putting up such a big presentation. They don't understand why they can't have an immediate and consistent connection with me. Some of them want to talk during the massage and they don't understand why I just want to talk for part of the time and not the whole time: it's a lot of energy for me to do heavy physical work AND talk. I've improved a little bit socially over time but I don't know if I have much hope to be honest. The burnout is really getting to me. It hurts and is so isolating to be misunderstood.

I'm thinking of going into a computer job. I'm not the best with computers but I'm thinking about general transcription. If anyone knows about transcription and how to get started, let me know. I know it takes a lot of time in order to make a decent income (if you're good at it). I'm honestly tempted to go on SSI because I just... feel at a loss of what to do. But I don't know if I would even qualify to be honest. If anyone has any tips on how to cope in general with the work world, let me know. Thanks!

Maybe you just need a change of scenery. Have you thought of being a Massage Therapist with a different company?

Or change the atmosphere in the room where you currently work so clients will expect quiet relaxation and minimum conversation.

Interesting subject. Not long after I got diagnosed, about ten years ago, I gained access to a disability job network. They had me complete an aptitude test on a computer.

The results, in descending order were:
Working with plants
Working with animals
Massage

Then a wide gap to the next score. So wide, I don't even remember what they were.

I liked the idea of massage. Still do as long as I don't think too closely. Unfortunately, I struggle with other people's body oddities, blemishes, etc.

Ah well... Still, a nice idea.

Maybe, you could work on a couple sentences that you could use when you first introduce yourself to a client, saying that you don’t talk much but prefer to focus on a relaxing and meditative experience. It’s all about selling your way of working as a positive alternative to the chatty workers.
Don’t project your worries about what other employees or your clients are thinking, it’s ok to be a quiet person. If you can quell your self analysis and worries, would you enjoy your job?