Arrggh! Need help/advice at work.

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Ok, I've been working with our Web developer for a week or so on setting up a demo of a web forum. The software has been buggy as hell and refused to do what the manual says it should do. So I punted to the Web Dev and had him try.

So yesterday morning he comes into my office and demands I give him our local admin password. No reason or why for; to me it felt beligerent. So I was confused and asked for clarification. "Huh, why do you need the password?" He said to install the Forum Software. I responded that he has domain admin privs and shouldn't have any problem. His response was that it was needed to install the web board. Ok.. so we're finally getting somewhere for my piece of mind. To me it still doesn't make sense. So I ask why this would be and point out the lack of differences in abilities and permissions on a domain member server. He gets all red and storms out before even allowing me to give him the password.

He comes back a few minutes later and starts yelling and screaming at me. Being very verbally abusive. Ok, extremly verbally abusive all the time standing over me (I'm 5'10" and sitting, he's 6'3" and standing over me) bright red clenching and unclenching his fists. (you get beat up enough even I learn to look for these clues)

I calmly tell him that as long as he's being abusive and yelling at me I'm not going to give him anything.
After about 10 minutes of this rant, he calms down enough to ask me for the password again which I give to him. He acted normal the rest of the day. I of course never changed my behaviour during this or afterwards.

So any ideas on what I should do? Some of the things he said were very hurtful and having my difficulties that I do, more than close enough to home to make me doubt myself and really upset me.

I wonder if he thought you were treating him like a crook? If it was me, I would see that as request for info, but maybe he didn't see it that way. Which might explain his anger? Also he might have been reacting to similar situations with others. I really don't know, I'm guessing. Could this be a situation for "How to lie like an NT" - maybe like this?

Him: Could you give me p/w.
You: <smile, open body language, receptive> Sure! Hang on now, where did I put it <rummage in desk> so that's for the ... ? (looking at desk while you busily search for p/w)

Him: It's to do the xyz.

You: Oh yeah, sure thing. Ah, here it is! (produce booklet or something from desk and flip through it). "Lemme see, lemme see ... the xyz? <still flipping pages, obviously about to give him p/w> How does that go again? ("again" is because it's softer sounding, implying not that you want to justify his access but more like you just forgot something trivial)

Him: It's abc.

You: Oh yeah, if I had a brain I'd be dangerous. Here it is! <big smile, give him p/w>

That's a lot of trouble, isn't it? NT's complicate things. And there's no reason to think I'm right. It just seems familiar, I spent decades working in offices with NT's.

Good luck.

I think you did a great thing by remaining calm and refusing to give him anything until he stops being vebally abusive. You clearly had more control over the situation and proved it. If what he said really bothers you, I think you should talk to your manager about it.

I always hand out passwords and stuff without comment. If you do not give out the password to a co-worker trying to get something done, they see it as you being a pain-in-the-ass. It's a trust issue. It implies that you're not a team player. Besides, what's the worst that can happen? The guy's a hacker and you honestly say, "I gave him the password because I thought he was trying to be productive. I didn't know the guy was a thief!" And what are the odds your co-worker being a thief? How much do they have to gain? Maybe you see it as weak, but you shouldn't. It's a trust and cooperative thing.

I might have a calm talk with this person, very cavalier. Hey I didn't mean to give you a hard time but...describe your thoughts and feelings. I once worked for a large company that had all kinds of password issues and I left because I didn't want to deal with the hassle and the feeling like I was a thief or an idiot who couldn't be trusted. The guy above on my current job me gives me his password sometimes and I appreciate it because it signals a level of trust that I can get the job done. I'm also willing to take responsibility if I don't. There are times when he doesn't want to give me the password to the main server, but he will do it diplomatically -- like walk over to my laptop and type the password in himself. He doesn't give the password, but it's done in such a way to look like he was willing to help instead of being an obstacle.

Why would you need to do anything now? It sounds like the situation is over and done with? I'd just treat him like nothing had happened - I don't deal with irate people, I just walk away and let them come back on their own terms. He was the one who crossed the line, not you.

But personally, I would have refused to even give it to him, but then, at my company, giving out passwords is a firing offense (military, proprietary, and export control issues). And frankly, if someone had acted like that because I wouldn't give him a password, that's a red flag and he would have been reported to my manager and security in a heartbeat.

The situation isn't over in answer to why would I need to do anything now. The incident is over. There is a small difference.

Some of them being:

1) I'm still incredible upset.
2) I'm very uncomfortable around him now and am honestly unsure what he will do if upset again. Will he get violent?
3) I'm the security guy so no one to report that part to other then myself or manager.
4) Should I talk to HR and report him? If so that gets into the whole damn politics thing that I know that I suck horribly at.

I'm not sure what would be best for you to do with the event that's already over... I would be feeling the same way you are about now. My impulse was to think that you might want to get one of those inconspicuous X10 cameras to put in your office for the future so you can have documentation of an event like that if it happens again. Record on it throughout the day, then have it delete the recordings at the end of the day if you haven't archived them.