I think I might have been blacklisted? Help!

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Hi everyone!

I was laid off from what as my dream job at the start of last year, and am extremely worried that I may be blacklisted from ever returning.

I have no idea why I was laid off, I had the highest performance results on my team and when I was moved to a new team just before I was laid off I was told by my leads that I had exceeded all their expectations . I also got on with everyone else on the team pretty well when I left, however the relationship I had with my best friend on the project soured about two or three months after I left and I was wondering how likely you guys think that she has gotten me blacklisted?

We fell out because I ended up blocking her after I confessed my feelings for her and she was refusing to tell me if she felt the same or not, so I told her we needed to take a break from each other for a while and would unblock her again after a few months. I did that and she immediately blocked me afterwards, so I tried to phone her with the hopes we could talk through it and at least be friends again but she didn't respond. I spoke to a mutual friend about it who said he was a safe person to talk to whenever I was down, but he just immediately spoke to her about it and then sent me a reply saying it was wrong of me to not tell her how I felt about her sooner and said trying to phone her after she blocked me was stalker behaviour and said he was disgusted that I tried to get to her through him, even though I just went to him for support as I was severely depressed about what happened.

After she got promoted to team leader I quickly became paranoid that she'd use her position to try to get me blacklisted, however I spoke to two of my old leads and they both said not to worry because personal issues shouldn't factor in to the recruitment process. My therapist called my concerns "catastrophising" and weren't rational assumptions to make, and I didn't really believe him until I got an interview for that same company later last year which gave me some reassurance even though I didn't get the job.

However I'm starting to get really concerned again as this year I've applied for 8 separate jobs for that company and haven't gotten a single interview, while people in my current company with a lot less experience than me are getting jobs there all the time. I'm worried that she heard I was trying to get a job at her company again and so she has told everyone there that I am a stalker to try to prevent me from doing so.

Is this a likely explanation for not getting those interviews, or do you think I am catastrophising again?

Thanks in advance

Why not apply for a position with one of the companies competitors instead?

They don't have any competitors in my country!

They're really famous and every company that does something similar either works directly for that company (which means less pay, worse contracts and less job fulfillment) or is much smaller (which means less people around for me to make friends with, which in the past has left me feeling isolated, and working on lower quality products).

Also I've been a fan of the big company ever since a child and have always wanted to work there.

Ah this is a difficult situation.

If this is a major company with many people wishing to work there, they can afford to be picky about who they employ. So even if you have not been formally "blacklisted", if there is even a hint of any issue with your former employment they may not wish to take a risk on you. Unfortunately, the people hiring are likely to consider both performance at the job AND cultural fit including any problematic relationships with co-workers.

In this situation, the only way to get in is to have such a good resume and glowing reviews that they will want you anyway. Well, that's my take on the situation, I could be wrong. But if I'm right, the only thing you can do is to get work elsewhere first and do a really great job. Probably about 3 years or so to show you are a star performer. Or do your own thing and develop something original which you can sell. After that, you can try again (if you still want to).

I'm sorry you are in this situation, it's unfair, but there might not be much you can do about it except change your plans.

Sounds entirely possible, maybe even likely.

Corporations have to take these sorts of things into consideration when hiring.. and if they've been told there's friction between people/possible "stalker," behaviour then there's decisions become pretty black & white. The Zero Risk decision is to not employ the person that could cause serious HR & legal problems that Could cost them serious time/money/legal fees etc OR employees. (her, other team members that like her etc.)

This social behavioural blunder may in fact have gotten you blacklisted from employment there.

Mistakes you made/things you didn't realize:

1. Her refusing to answer whether she felt the same about you or not WAS an answer, you simply didn't realize it in the moment. She did Not feel the same way but didn't want to say no for whatever reason. People don't like giving bad news so they avoid it. Maybe she didn't want to hurt your feelings, maybe she was fearful you'd react negatively and was concerned for herself. Either way, refusing to respond = NO; I'm don't feel the same way and am not interested.

2. A "cooling off period," is never going to change that. Blocking her for a while, unblocking and asking again was never going to get her to say "Oh yes, I'm super into you, too.. we should be together."

3. Her then blocking you Should have been the social cue for you to accept that her answer was a final "No, I'm not interested in the least bit - do not contact me." And yet you then contacted her via phone and likely freaked her out. That only served to dig your own grave in this situation. I know you didn't MEAN to freak her out and due to your ASD social circuitry misfiring and not intuitively knowing Not to do that thing you were simply phoning to try to communicate with her.. but her perception is that you were being a persistent creep and obsessively stalking her despite her giving what ought to have been Crystal Clear signals that she is Not romantically interested in you. NT's would have Known. But your ASD resulted in you making incorrect moves and now you're suffering the consequences of them.

Sucks that the friend you spoke to went to her instead of just keeping the conversation between you too, but the silver lining in that is that they got back to you and relayed the info that she was disgusted that you "tried to get to her through him," (even though that wasn't your intent nor request) the feedback is valuable as it concretely confirms she wants Nothing to do with you AND is a very strong indicator that due to her position in the company and team and her perception of the situation that you have in fact been blacklisted.


If your job is remote and there are other teams that work on similar things in the company world wide, perhaps apply for positions on other countries' teams and indicate that you are willing to work remote on their schedules or are willing to relocate for the job. Especially if you are Very talented at what you do and are sought after in your field. It might be the only way you work for this company again. But if the other teams have involvement with her and her team, or even the possibility of internal communication.. you may never work for any part of that company again and your closest possibility is via one of their sub-contractors that has worse pay. No company wants to lose their team lead or team over one hire who puts them in a risky HR position because he has a history of overstepping personal boundaries with other employees and makes them feel uncomfortable. It's simply not worth losing staff or getting sued. Even if you bluntly stated that you would NEVER communicate with her, or about her to anyone ever EVER again, it's not a risk a business is likely to take.