I need to stop worrying about people at work.

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Seriously, every job I've had since I was able to get some help from voc-rehab funding me to go through an employment program thing to well get me into working every one, I have been told I do my work well and they sorta wish I didn't have to go...lol.

Yet everytime I start a new job I am worried I am going to fail and f*ck everything up and no one will like me. So I get super anxious about it. I don't see why I can't remember how well I usually do when I start a new job, and instead worry about all the worse case scenarios that could happen, instead of having a bit more confidence that I do pretty well at most jobs I've had.

I do the same thing.

Been working at my current job, home Depot, Lot Attendant, three years and three months and counting. That's the longest I have ever held a job

The second longest I have held a job: 5 months, cashier, age 18

40 years old

Plenty of jobs had the nerve to make my worthless redundant. "It's not a good match", supervisor told me on the second day. She didn't even tell me, specifically, what I did wrong. More specific: "everyone else typed one hundred words per minute and you only typed three words per minute ". It is not possible to measure the"quality " of a match.
Her statement was too ambiguous and offered zero directions for improvement. Then a different job had the nerve to email me to tell me not to come back. No explanation.

Constantly worried about, if I do this, I get made redundant. Disciplinary action. Meanwhile, Lot Attendant Tattletale tom and lazy boy Steve wastes way too much time loitering around talking on the phone and to other slaves

"At will" employer

Everyone has subconscious biases

Lazy boy Steve told the Front End Supervisor that he wanted to have a baby with her. She answered that she would deduct the baby as a qualifying child. He said that he is Head of Household so he deducts the baby

Home Depot has a policy against Fraternization.

I have been so afraid of getting made redundant. "Pick your battles" is good advice but some precious lil "people" pick *all* the battles

I could not imagine telling anyone at work, customer or slave, that I want to have a baby with them. For fear of getting made redundant.

My worthless corpse doesn't have the legal or moral "right", or physical strength, to prevent two reptiles from having sex. If I tattle on them, I would fear Whistleblower Retaliation. Home Depot hires convicted felons. You don't know which slaves have: felony conversations, psychiatric diagnoses, short fuses, gang affiliations, weapons, what the flying f**k ever s**t. ( Exception: in some situations, if I see two reptiles having sex, I might be able, to squirt them with a garden hose.)

I think you are probably experiencing job related anxiety, Sweetleaf.

That can happen regardless of your job performance.

Did you ever consider just going to work, putting your head down, doing your job, not worrying about or even caring what your co-workers are doing?

Before you say yes, that is what you do, why do you still resent people with whom you haven't worked with in years?

Yes, you do.

"performance anxiety" its the natural outcome of the desire to succeed.

Yeah, I suppose if I was such a crappy worker like my anxiety says, I wouldn't be anxious about not doing well. Guess it shows I care about doing a good job.

There is a sorta wierd show called Bigmouth that I like, and it depicts anxiety as anxiety mosquitoes, so sometimes I try to view my anxiety like that and it helps a bit.

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yes, that is what i have been doing for my entire enslavement @ home depot. three years, three months and counting.

it seems natural for me to "resent" precious lil "people" when i feel or think, correctly or wrongly, that they harmed me through their allegedly wrongful statements or actions.

in Statistics, it is extremely difficult to determine "correlation versus causation". thus, i do not "know" "why" i "still resent people" with whom i "haven't worked with in years". the answer to that question could be subconscious. however, anything could be subconscious.

"logic could be used to justify anything."

also, after those companies had the nerve to make my worthless corpse redundant, from now on, i have to answer "yes" on job applications when it asks "have you ever been made redundant from work?". that, it appears to me, has drastically reduced my already dismal occupational prospects. (however, things are not always the way they appear).

Been there, lived that. Got a zipper in my chest to prove it.

I take a leaf from Hannibal Lector. Over and over, I just keep reminding myself, "There is no lion in the room."

If a job goes South, find another. Try to blunt the behaviors that make people hate me, but accept that I will fail. Seek ways to offer more value than the emotional drain I place on people forced to work with me. Don't act like it's okay. Act like I am aware of the problems and would fix them if I could.

We are autistic; therefore, we are different. Look for a way in your job that your differences become your strength. Leverage that strength for every paycheck it is worth and seek to limit your exposure to circumstances that make you fail.

When you fail anyway, dust yourself off, find another job, provide for your family. Lather, rinse, repeat. Try not to take it personally. People are tribal. We're not members of their tribe, and they make sure we know it.

May I ask why you are unable to stay? I'm unfamiliar with "voc-rehab funding", is it fair to assume some employer may receive a stiped of some sort to support you working there. Does this run out?

sir/Ma'am, you are incredibly hard on yourself. Also the liberal use of the word slaves probably does nothing to help you

I concur, not everything is the ASD, it can be of course. But I think its a natural phenomena when in a new environment. In fact, aren't new jobs reported as one of the top things to cause significant life stress? with divorce and moving home come to think of it.

This experience happening to someone anyway will be somewhat torturous but couple that with ASD and you're on steroids at WWE 1996 Royal Rumble

FWIW I think the anxiety your experiencing is real.

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yes, i am hard on myself. however, that's only because i believe i have a lot of unactualized and unrealized potential.

besides, plenty of precious lil "people" are hard on me.

not all impacts are immediate, visible, physical, or obvious. it is not possible to measure all the impacts of one action or statement. all impacts are "helpful", harmful, both, or neither. it is not possible to measure the quality or morality of something or someone. "actions speak louder than words". not everyone always uses all words according to their dictionary definition. nor are they required to do so.

Spectrum thing for sure. I've done some pretty good things at work for businesses.. problem solving things that come easy to me but others cannot see. Problem solving things that are worth a LOT of money to businesses. Yet I made one fairly significant behavioural mistake in a past role that was the final straw that cost me my job and for the last couple years I've thought I should Never do work like that again because I can't Guarantee my symptoms aren't going to get the better of me sometime.

And that's kinda nuts. Because I am actually better at those sorts of things than MOST of the people paid to do those jobs. Over the last week I've been thinking maybe I Should do those sorts of jobs, but only on a consulting project basis - not as a long term employee. I come in, solve your problems, you pay me for it and I leave. No hanging around to make social blunders. I simply do the thing I'm good at, deliver value, and get paid for it. The added bonus for Me is that it could potentially be very lucrative.. like if someone has a $500k/year problem & we agree that if I solve it for them they'll pay me some % or time period of the value of the solution.. if I solve it quickly, I could potentially earn a large paycheque in a short timeframe. I'd need to discuss with a business consultant friend how to value things and what sort of ROI businesses would expect from paying for consultant's solutions. Whether a % of the savings, or a % of the gains etc.

An accountant friend told me he knows some tax accounting consultants that did a project for a University. They struck a deal that they would get paid 50% of any gains they could find for them from missed government grants. They went through their books for 8 months and fond that the University was due a bunch of tax credits for the heating system upgrades they did to save energy. The government rebates were $20M and they were paid half, so $10M. That's an extremely lucrative example and not in my field of expertise.. but just a true story of someone solving a problem or finding an opportunity and getting paid based on an agreement of the value of the solution vs. hourly billing.

But I've never pursued anything like this Because of my anxiety about ASD related mistakes. Meanwhile there are stupid people working in these jobs and Not solving problems at all because they can't see the solutions.. and then there are slightly smarter people billing them $225+/hr to come up with solutions that are maybe worth it maybe not.. meanwhile I'd be willing to strike a deal where they pay me Nothing unless I solve their problem - and if/when I do; they pay me handsomely for it because it's worth it. If I could rid myself of ASD anxiety & boost my own self confidence over the topic I'd put feelers out into the ether and make a deal with someone to analyse their business and see what I can do for them - which is probably more than others could do for them regardless of my occasional blunders.

Hmmmmmmm

it's hard. i am so worried about what people say behind my back. i say things that are "off color" without any idea that i did. i told them that i don't want to move up the corporate ladder. i see people way less smart than i that are and they are beginning to tell me what to do. they claim stuff that i did as their own. this is scary. i am very afraid. i thought that academia was just as scary. i was convinced that it was. now, though, i find myself being in this terrible place in which it is important to be a climber.