Should I go to my company holiday party?

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The company I work for is having the annual party in one month. This is being held at a very nice restaurant, so it's a catered event. Anyway, in addition to the owner and his wife and employees and spouses/partners, there will probably be at least a few of our company's main clients.

Anyway, I don't want to go. A year ago, before our party last year, I was emailing with the the woman who heads up the Asperger organization in our city. (She is NT but a parent of an Aspie kid.) Anyway, I mentioned something about wishing I didn't have to eat lunch at work alone all the time.

She said that as an Aspie, i should never eat lunch, dinner, go for drinks, or otherwise socialize with anyone from work unless it was a strictly required, work-related event (such as a business lunch with a client or vendor). Furthermore, I should even avoid company-sponsored "social" events such as picnics or parties. Any attempts to mix work and social stuff would be disastrous for an Aspie, she implied. At that time I mentioned the upcoming holiday party, and she said I should get out of going, and if I absolutely must go I should volunteer to help with something so that I wouldn't have to talk to anyone. Last year's party was catered too, so there was no way I could offer to help with anything, and I wouldn't be able to do so this year either unless I get a part-time job on the staff of the restaurant and get scheduled to work that night!

Anyway, I did go last year and nothing untoward happened, but it was still uncomfortable for me and I'd rather not go this year. I really am not well liked there and I feel it when I'm with the other employees--they all have their cliques and groups that they go to lunch with, etc. and I'm hardly ever invited except by one person that I work closely with, and I think that's only because she feels sorry for me, because she only invites me to go with her, never with the group she somethings lunches with. And the owner of the company can be intimidating, though he's usually nice at these events.

I talked to someone who has worked there a long time and he said I could do what I wanted but he would advise me to go. I talked to my boss and the co-worker I mentioned above who is friendly to me. My boss has only been with the company 6 months. Anyway, I mentioned about the party and being afraid of the owner, and I then brought up that I probably have AS and was told that as an Aspie I shouldn't go to these things.

They weren't sure what AS was, or had conflicting ideas about it, but thought that it was silly that I was worried about offending someone since I don't usually.

Yet I really would prefer not to, and I know it's probably just due to social anxiety and that I am using AS as an excuse. Even the woman who at first said I shouldn't go, now has reversed herself and said I probably should just go, since I did last year and didn't have a problem.

Does anyone have any opinions or have any of you had any similar situations, and how did you handle it? There are some other factors. 1. I can't call in sick that day, because my attendance hasn't been good. 2. Last year I RSVP'd no, then changed to yes, and I can't do this again. If I say yes it'll have to stay yes, and vice versa. 3. They give out the bonuses at the party. I don't really think they'd not give me a bonus if I didn't go, but with this company you never know. 4. There will be a cocktail hour, then a sit-down dinner--it's not something that I could just drop in on for a little while. 5. It's possible that I might be the only partnerless person there, as well as the only Aspie.

Make an appearance, be nice, say hi to people, then leave. If you never go to functions it could be seen as bad morale or attitude..I think.

yes I know I voted no but....perhaps making an appearance even
for a short time might be a positive.might even be fun.stay sober
stay in control. YOU can leave ANYTIME you like. rich coming from me i've not been to a work turn since 1982.

to be honest nobody else is really going to care if you are there but it is best to go to at least show you are trying to participate in the company and to be there to get the bonus. If they do hand things out and you are not there to collect then that will register negatively with people.
like said above, sip some drinks, examine the patterns in the wallpaper etc, don't expect anyone to be interested in you, don't keep making a fuss with people about should I go etc, no-one cares you will just come across as annoying. don't try forcing conversations with people especially if they are in groups, you may find another single person looking a bit lost you could talk to for a while, eat the meal, stay until all formalities are done and then if it becomes an informal dance etc stay a few minutes then discretely leave, no need to 'anounce' your departure to anyone, no-one cares.

Maybe you could take a book to read if it gets too boring.

I do think it's silly for them to call it a "Holiday Party" when it's actually a Christmas Party - even "end of year party" would be an improvement on "holiday party".

Something I have found myself is that the more time you have to prepare and relax and think about how you will just chill and be yourself at a big social event like this, the more it goes down well, perhaps just because you are prepared for a huge sensory overload and massive social stress, and once you're there you're expecting the worst and "bracing" yourself... and then things turn out not that bad at all.

There is a lot of advice on this thread. I hope you are not more stressed out now... Most important thing is to relax. Trust that the person you are is enough to meet the expectations of the group that will attend. I really hope you decide to go and that you end up having a lovely meal next to a friendly person. I really think you can do it. If at any point you feel those anxieties overwhelm you, just breathe very, very deeply, go for a bathroom break and try to smile, if you can.

I would definitely go. Not doing so would send other - negative - messages.

The only priviso I would make is watch your consumption of alcohol (if you drink) and don't enter into any contentious conversation.

Relax and enjoy!

The company I work for is having the annual party in one month. This is being held at a very nice restaurant, so it's a catered event. Anyway, in addition to the owner and his wife and employees and spouses/partners, there will probably be at least a few of our company's main clients.

Anyway, I don't want to go. A year ago, before our party last year, I was emailing with the the woman who heads up the Asperger organization in our city. (She is NT but a parent of an Aspie kid.) Anyway, I mentioned something about wishing I didn't have to eat lunch at work alone all the time.

She said that as an Aspie, i should never eat lunch, dinner, go for drinks, or otherwise socialize with anyone from work unless it was a strictly required, work-related event (such as a business lunch with a client or vendor). Furthermore, I should even avoid company-sponsored "social" events such as picnics or parties. Any attempts to mix work and social stuff would be disastrous for an Aspie, she implied. At that time I mentioned the upcoming holiday party, and she said I should get out of going, and if I absolutely must go I should volunteer to help with something so that I wouldn't have to talk to anyone. Last year's party was catered too, so there was no way I could offer to help with anything, and I wouldn't be able to do so this year either unless I get a part-time job on the staff of the restaurant and get scheduled to work that night!

Anyway, I did go last year and nothing untoward happened, but it was still uncomfortable for me and I'd rather not go this year. I really am not well liked there and I feel it when I'm with the other employees--they all have their cliques and groups that they go to lunch with, etc. and I'm hardly ever invited except by one person that I work closely with, and I think that's only because she feels sorry for me, because she only invites me to go with her, never with the group she somethings lunches with. And the owner of the company can be intimidating, though he's usually nice at these events.

I talked to someone who has worked there a long time and he said I could do what I wanted but he would advise me to go. I talked to my boss and the co-worker I mentioned above who is friendly to me. My boss has only been with the company 6 months. Anyway, I mentioned about the party and being afraid of the owner, and I then brought up that I probably have AS and was told that as an Aspie I shouldn't go to these things.

They weren't sure what AS was, or had conflicting ideas about it, but thought that it was silly that I was worried about offending someone since I don't usually.

Yet I really would prefer not to, and I know it's probably just due to social anxiety and that I am using AS as an excuse. Even the woman who at first said I shouldn't go, now has reversed herself and said I probably should just go, since I did last year and didn't have a problem.

Does anyone have any opinions or have any of you had any similar situations, and how did you handle it? There are some other factors. 1. I can't call in sick that day, because my attendance hasn't been good. 2. Last year I RSVP'd no, then changed to yes, and I can't do this again. If I say yes it'll have to stay yes, and vice versa. 3. They give out the bonuses at the party. I don't really think they'd not give me a bonus if I didn't go, but with this company you never know. 4. There will be a cocktail hour, then a sit-down dinner--it's not something that I could just drop in on for a little while. 5. It's possible that I might be the only partnerless person there, as well as the only Aspie.

Contentious discussion can be fun though. All the same, I see the reason to steer clear of it as you don't know who could get the wrong idea and use it against you. There should be a way to drink enough to relax you but without getting really sozzled.