Dreading work

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My dad got me volunteer job at the university he works at three months ago, but lately I've been dreading going in for no reason I can discern. I work in a library, so it's quiet and I rarely have to talk to anyone and I read when we're not busy, yet I usually come home feeling emotionally drained and I lock myself in my room and keep playing music until I calm down or have to go to bed. Fortunately I only volunteer three days a week so I have a day to recover but it usually doesn't help much cause my mom is off work so I have to stay in my room and be quiet or I'll get yelled at. I've already had to leave early because I felt too terrible to continue and I took today off cause I was too scared to even sleep last night and I couldn't even eat breakfast but when I tried to call in sick I got real panicky and ending up hanging up before I finished dialing and hid under my blankie. I'm too scared to tell my parents cause they'll yell.

I have no reason to feel this way. The people I work with are very nice and understanding of my disability, and the work itself is quite enjoyable when I'm not dizzy. I'm already taking medication for my anxiety, so this shouldn't be an issue, but I feel that if things keep going I'll have another nervous breakdown (and I was just feeling like I was getting my life under control.)

time to reflect. Analyze your day. It can't be the whole thing bothering you. What makes you most uncomfortable (frankly, being a Librarian would be heaven for me...if I only had an MLA and could live on the churchmouse salary they collect...?

Do you feel obligated or pressured in some way? someone in particular who bothers you? Could it be that you're anxious? bored? depressed? Sometimes tedium can do that to you.

Maybe you don't feel the reward of volunteering. That's understandable, volunteering once in a while is fun, but if you're working for free on a long-term basis then you probably feel that you're not getting anything back. Even though you're giving your time, people don't appreciate it because they take it for granted. Work is only satisfying if you feel you are accomplishing something, or else if you're making money.
What if you found a paying job, or something more interesting, maybe you would feel better?

You need to analyse your day....

I used to work in a library so I know about the different tasks. Make notes (even mental ones) about how you feel doing the following;

- Shelving
- Checking Books out
- Book Returns
- Covering Books
- Doing Searches/Enquiries for People (adults, kids, oldies)
- Shelf Checking - It's normal to hate this
- General Assistance (photocopiers etc).

Are there things that you hate and things that you love, things that make you feel more tired?

Perhaps your anxiety medication isn't working properly. Can you talk to your doctor about this?

It sounds like anxiety to me. The same thing happened when I was doing supply teaching. In reality, it wasn't that bad once I got there, but the thought of going in made me do stupid things like turning off my phone.

Ironically, I quit and have just got a job in a library.