Hate work and life.

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I don't usually post on here. I have Aspergers, but I hate identifying myself as a part of a group, including a group of people who also have Aspergers. I am not a "geeky person" by any stretch(I hate stereotypes, so sorry.) I am an amateur bodybuilder/powerlifter. Working out just happens to be one of my autistic compulsions, so I guess I got lucky.

I am also in the Army. I made it through basic training because I'm in pretty good shape and pretty handy with a rifle. However, my Aspergerish problems surfaced badly in Iraq when they required me to actually perform my job and perform as a soldier. Mentally, I just couldn't do it, particularly struggling with gregarious group living and subordination to authority. One thing led to another and soon Army doctors diagnosed me with Aspergers. My whole life leading up to that, I just thought I had a ton of problems and that I was a weirdo. I also hate identifying myself as a soldier and as part of the army. I hate being part of any group or organization, and I can't wait until they get rid of me.

Anyway, now I'm in a medical holdover unit waiting to get medically separated from the army because of Aspergers. I have about 2 months left. Because of DOD(Department of defense) changes, all injured soldiers are required to get administrative assignments/jobs, instead of just sitting around all day, and these are jobs such as working behind a desk or sorting laundry. I am dead set against pointless working.

I dodged getting a job for a little while(about 6 months), but eventually my first sergeant found out that I wasn't working an got me an assignment working behind a desk/janitorial duties at a rec center for 40 hrs a week. I've worked there for a few days now and despise it the way Jews despised hitler. I absolutely dread going there every day. I suck at cleaning, hate my coworkers, hate dealing with the kids that come in there. I am so miserable, I can't find the words almost. My doctors thought they were helping me by getting me out in the workplace. I hate working. I plan to go on full disability and supplement my income with my bodybuilding when I get discharged.

John Kennedy Toole, author of the novel "A Confederacy of Dunces", wrote that he always became quite agitated whenever anyone tried to "help" him move upwards on the social or professional ladder. I have always resisted adamantly whenever anyone tried to ignite my social mobility into the "middle class". I much prefer existing on the fringe of society. My sergeants and doctors think that they are trying to help me by prodding me out into the working world. Actually, they are traumatizing me even more than I already am(I have endured many harrowing experiences in my life, such as USMC boot camp and getting beaten up regularly in middle school.) For me, more social interaction just makes me even more paranoid than I already am.

I've given up trying to exude even a semblance of normality. I called my main doctor/provider and told there that I was going to kill myself if I have to go into that job anymore(i'm bluffing). In my life, I've tried to kill myself about 7 times, and only one was a real attempt. I tried to drop a radio into the bathtub, but I didn't fry for some reason. Hopefully, they tell me I don't have to go in there anymore. I miss having free time. I feel like between this BS job and my working out, I don't have any personal time whatsoever anymore.

D

gee, maybe you could be a bit more humble.

the confederacy of dunces thing - its so long since i read that book i've forgotten it. i know i liked it a lot at the time.

good luck with it all anyway.

it's possible other things are happening. Being in a place where everyone's trying to kill you has to mess with your head some. I have a son over there, who's in something of the same situation (different diagnosis), and hates deskwork just as much. It could also be PTSD, a bunch of different things.

You could probably try for a transfer (my son's getting shipped to Afghanistan right after leave), but there's no telling where they'd send you. I don't know, obviously never having 'seen the elephant', but I'd be hugging life for all it's worth.

Nothing in the Army's ever permanent, even permanence. Hope everything turns out ok.

Its a moot point; I'm getting out in about a month. I just hate BS, There's alot of superficial stuff(look good on paper) around here. Alot of trying to please "important" people, looking good for dog and pony shows.

D

I read about AS were resiliant to getting helped, especially by Authority types.

I understand not wanting to catorgarize yourself. Sometimes when I walk up to someone to ask something I'm already thinking about how my AS will get in the way.

Thats what I figured would happen for me in the military: No matter my physical condition, I can't get along with other people. Being around other people constantly grates on me.

I didn't know I had aspergers when I enlisted. I didn't even know what AS was