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Lunch break rejection and Plan B

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Miyah
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30 Apr 2009, 5:30 pm

I have working at a job for 5 years and get along with everyone alright. However, the owner of the company likes to go out to lunch with the book keeper and the other women of the company. However, I have never once been asked to join she and her little posse. I usually don't mind because I bring my own lunch and eat it at work. Today was a real though, when she and the booker keeper asked a newcomer to join her for lunch. As usual, I got left out and I had to eat lunch by myself. I felt very angry and I wanted to yell at the owner but I didn't.
It's also harder when you don't drive a car so it's harder for me since all the good restaraunts are far away. :x
:idea: As for plan B, I was thinking about taking a bus to lunch and not telling anyone. What does anyone think, because I really feel that if someone treats me like that, then just make my own fun.

I also think this rejection has something to do with her son being low functioning autism and being jealous because I'm high-functioning and going to college.

Could I get some feed back?



alba
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30 Apr 2009, 6:13 pm

The bus idea is good and maybe get the classifieds too. How about spending your lunch break scouting part time jobs for weekend or evenings? That way, if you land one, you'll have something to fall back on should the need arise...and it gives you an important task so you don't obsess during lunch about being left out..



Ichinin
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30 Apr 2009, 6:58 pm

Miyah wrote:
As for plan B, I was thinking about taking a bus to lunch and not telling anyone.


As long as you make it back in time, they are usually ok with that. Most other programmers at my last job used to walk to nearby restaurants. I found those boring and took the subway into town to eat at more interesting places. Sometimes i got back a bit late, but then i never took any coffee breaks like other people so it evens out.


Miyah wrote:
I also think this rejection has something to do with her son being low functioning autism and being jealous because I'm high-functioning and going to college.

Could I get some feed back?


Well, here is a thought; since you say she could be jealous, i assume she knows about your condition (?) and may think that "well, auties just eat the same thing over and over so why bother dragging them along".

Have you asked her why you never have been invited?


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Miyah
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01 May 2009, 6:48 am

Ichinin wrote:
Miyah wrote:
As for plan B, I was thinking about taking a bus to lunch and not telling anyone.


As long as you make it back in time, they are usually ok with that. Most other programmers at my last job used to walk to nearby restaurants. I found those boring and took the subway into town to eat at more interesting places. Sometimes i got back a bit late, but then i never took any coffee breaks like other people so it evens out.


Miyah wrote:
I also think this rejection has something to do with her son being low functioning autism and being jealous because I'm high-functioning and going to college.

Could I get some feed back?


Well, here is a thought; since you say she could be jealous, i assume she knows about your condition (?) and may think that "well, auties just eat the same thing over and over so why bother dragging them along".

Have you asked her why you never have been invited?

Yes, she does know that I have AS and she used to be a lot nicer. However, that was when I
was completeing an online adult high school program. I mean I usually get invited if I'm out with a group eating pizza and that's fine. However, if I ask to do a girl day, there's always some kind of excuse. "We'll be gone for a long time....blah..blah...blah."



paddy26
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15 Jun 2009, 2:17 am

It very likely that they think you prefer eating lunch on your own.



Nim
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16 Jun 2009, 2:02 am

Bus is good, until its late...

Note paddy is more than likely correct.

Also note that yelling at owner in bad economy would be bad.

Also note that considering yelling might mean your coming off as angry which makes them keep their distance...

Also note they aren't going to become jealous - so if you are happy saving money and eating at work - then perhaps you should.

Also note that every once in a while I see this girl coming (could be anyone) who is dressed up with red lipstick on and is walking like she is a alligator... At the moment I see her, I stop, and run the other direction... only to be caught and have to open the door to the store for her or talk to her momentarily to please ask her to let me go without hurting me.... Purely unrelated, yet it has happened to me one or two times over the past few years.



CaptainTrips222
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28 Jun 2009, 7:46 am

paddy26 wrote:
It very likely that they think you prefer eating lunch on your own.


Not to be negative, but if they cared, wouldn't they ask?



ww
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29 Jun 2009, 1:25 am

Miyah wrote:
I have working at a job for 5 years and get along with everyone alright. However, the owner of the company likes to go out to lunch with the book keeper and the other women of the company. However, I have never once been asked to join she and her little posse. I usually don't mind because I bring my own lunch and eat it at work. Today was a real though, when she and the booker keeper asked a newcomer to join her for lunch. As usual, I got left out and I had to eat lunch by myself. I felt very angry and I wanted to yell at the owner but I didn't.
It's also harder when you don't drive a car so it's harder for me since all the good restaraunts are far away. :x
:idea: As for plan B, I was thinking about taking a bus to lunch and not telling anyone. What does anyone think, because I really feel that if someone treats me like that, then just make my own fun.

I also think this rejection has something to do with her son being low functioning autism and being jealous because I'm high-functioning and going to college.

Could I get some feed back?



HA! They asked the newcomer to lunch? I am new on the job since last week, and it is a job where boss woman sits in the front of the room, ALL DAY, like a teacher, observing our every move and commenting on it most irritatingly, and she barks ' go to lunch!' all got up, and not ONE person asked me to accompany. I will tell you that I , as the veteran of over 45 jobs (!) can say that many people misintrepret asperger tendencies for conceit or arrogance. We are not arrogant, we are needing to concentrate all our efforts on focusing,. etc. But they see it that way. That could be part of the reason. Or there is some weird 'difference' that they pick up on. I still don't know what this 'difference' is, as I include everyone in lunch, including the nervous guy, the stutterers, the ones with obvious mental problems,. etc.



ww
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29 Jun 2009, 1:32 am

Ichinin wrote:
Miyah wrote:
As for plan B, I was thinking about taking a bus to lunch and not telling anyone.


As long as you make it back in time, they are usually ok with that. Most other programmers at my last job used to walk to nearby restaurants. I found those boring and took the subway into town to eat at more interesting places. Sometimes i got back a bit late, but then i never took any coffee breaks like other people so it evens out.


[quote="Miyah"]

I am really weird this way, I guess. I go to lunch to be left alone! 7-8 hours in one room with a bunch of people is more than enough, and I need to eat alone. So I go off by myself, but make an attempt to still talk to coworkers. They probably think I'm conceited for going off alone, but can't spend all time worrying about what others think. I usually explain to them my need to eat alone. A lot of people relate to needing to be away from noise and lights, etc. The bus thing: Oh, this past week I was out for two hours on buses just to get to work! It was so humid and hot out that it was making me ill.



elderwanda
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29 Jun 2009, 6:06 pm

ww wrote:
Ichinin wrote:
Miyah wrote:
As for plan B, I was thinking about taking a bus to lunch and not telling anyone.


As long as you make it back in time, they are usually ok with that. Most other programmers at my last job used to walk to nearby restaurants. I found those boring and took the subway into town to eat at more interesting places. Sometimes i got back a bit late, but then i never took any coffee breaks like other people so it evens out.


Miyah wrote:

I am really weird this way, I guess. I go to lunch to be left alone! 7-8 hours in one room with a bunch of people is more than enough, and I need to eat alone. So I go off by myself, but make an attempt to still talk to coworkers. They probably think I'm conceited for going off alone, but can't spend all time worrying about what others think. I usually explain to them my need to eat alone. A lot of people relate to needing to be away from noise and lights, etc. The bus thing: Oh, this past week I was out for two hours on buses just to get to work! It was so humid and hot out that it was making me ill.


Yeah, I could never figure out why people would want to have lunch with their coworkers. I need that time to be AWAY from them! That's not necessarily saying that I hate them or anything. It's not personal. I just don't want to have to talk about work at lunchtime, or get into some kind of personal discussion which is going to cause the work environment to be uncomfortable. I realize that extroverts need to socialize to recharge, so it's probably good for them to have lunch together. I need to be left alone.