Workplace Bullying

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Hello everyone. You've probably seen this topic address before, but I'm new around here. Please forgive me if I'm going over previously covered ground.

I didn't get my official diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome until 2006 at age 44. I hadn't ever heard of Asperger's Syndrome until is was 39. One thing I've been painfully aware of my whole life is workplace bullying. I have been bullied out of three--count 'em, three--different jobs. I believe the bottom line is my job disappeared and my management wanted me to leave empty-handed (no severance package, no unemployment). That being said, I now believe my social awkwardness and problems multitasking--both problems springing from my mild autism--got me singled out for mistreatment.

I'm aware of the BullyingInstitute.org website. In fact, I used the Namies book The Bully at Work to help me understand what had happened to me. But I'm frustrated that I have no realistic legal redress to the mistreatment to which my former employers subjected me. Temple Grandin is right when she says that suing under the American's with Disabilities Act will only gaurantee that you'll never work again. That's life in the Plutocratic States of America, where the Golden Rule means those who have the gold rule.

My problem right now is I'm not working. I'm working on my Master's degree in literary studies while my wife supports the family. But who am I kidding? The truth is, I'm too scared to reenter the workforce. No, I'm not lazy. I'm afraid. Very, very afraid.

The bullying was so horrific that I'm now paralyzed with fear. Many of you are Aspies. I don't need to tell you that we are bully magnets. I don't need to tell you that being an Aspie is like walking around with a target painted on you.

The question I have is, what can I do to get over the fear? My wife can't support me forever, nor should she have to. Also, is there any organization besides the Workplace Bullying and Trauma Institute that is fighting for legal remedies to this under-reported social evil? We need legal protection from workplace hoodlums, and we need it now.

I am an undiagnosed Asby that will probably never be diagnosed. We will see. I have simply compensated for allot of the issues that I have had through a spiritual program and MANY MANY YEARS of therapy. Yet, I too can not keep a Job. Since leaving RIT with a BS in MIS I have gone through at least a dozen jobs, always beign fired in the 3rd month, with little knowledge as to why. There are so many possibilities, but I just have put on blinders on to compensate for my inability to read peoples emotions. During High School I realized I would come up with false and negative reasoning behind peoples actions, and so I shut that down.

I have many symptoms and traits of Asperger's, but I am also diagnosed with ADD, LD, Major Depression Disorder, Anxiety, and a Social Paranoia. Honestly allot of these "diagnosis" have simple symptoms that mimic Aspy's, and its just too coincidental all the situations I relate to when I read about Aspy's (Which isnt easy). For me, it doesnt matter much if they name me with Aspys or LD ADD... I just care about the symptoms. I too am having the impossible job symptom and am on SSI/SSD. I am scared s**tless when it comes to the next job. I dont feel picked on, I just dont want to fail anymore.

Many places have a 90-day probationary or introductory period where they can legally fire you for any or no reason. Perhaps thats why your terminations occur in the 3rd month. Also, many places don't offer benefits until this 90-day introductory period is over, another reason to 'let someone go' who isn't 'working out' in the 3rd month.

I guess my best advice would be is to get to know your supervisor and communicate, communicate, communicate. Are you given a "skills checklist" or "new hire orientation" packet? Most people (NT's) place a low priority on this things, I wouldn't. Let your supervisor know you take this detail seriously and bring it to him/her, properly filled out, before the deadline, which lets them know you take this job very seriously and want to perform to expectations.

Perhaps one month in to a new job, informally schedule some time with your supervisor to see how you are doing. Bring this "skills checklist" or "new hire orientation" packet with you and go over it together. Try to be informal. Remember to SMILE and MAKE EYE CONTACT. Go into the bathroom with nobody looking and do some facial exercises (I do every day) in the mirror. Try to make your expression readable.

Say to him/her something like: "Thanks for meeting with me, I don't want to take up much of your time. I just want to see how I'm doing so far. I really like it here and want to make sure you are OK with my performance so far. Is there anything you've seen so far that I need to improve upon?"

I would never, never reveal to a supervisor anything about AS. I'd only say is something like "by nature I'm very, very, almost painfully, shy -- until you get to know me."

Most people are anxious and afraid of the unknown. So unless you can show them a one-hour documentary about AS, just don't go there. Likewise, until you are "known" by your co-workers, they may say stuff to your supervisors like "I don't know about that guy. There's something.... I don't know.... 'off' ... about him." So reveal something about yourself to your co-workers, talk about some popular TV show, movie, or something. It's important not to take yourself so seriously all the time. Prepare a self-deprecating story, those are priceless. Try to make yourself likeable. Remember, with only 50.1% popularity, you can be President.

Don't suck up to your boss. Find out who, that works around you a lot, is friends with your boss, who has your boss's ear, and suck up to THEM. Make them laugh. Do them some favor. Go that extra mile and complete that extra task whilst they see. Take their side in some lunchroom debate.

Regarding bullying... I don't know. When I was a kid, whenever someone picked on me in school, I would walk over to them and hit them in the face with my fists many, many times. In the middle of class, cafeteria, hallway, didn't matter. By high school, freshman year, not even the seniors would touch me.

I can't really give any advice here, people are just so sue happy. If my son did 1/4 the stuff I did at his age, he'd be in juvenille hall.

Now I'm not recommending anybody do this -- but for example, I've found a "little crazy" goes a long way. If done one-on-one and not in front of a crowd or supervisor.

A few years ago, someone ate my frozen dinner out of the workplace fridge/freezer. When I politely asked the culprit if they did it, the response was: "Hey, no name, fair game." With a shoulder shrug.

I said: "No name fair game? What is this, Kindergarden? Is anyone's name stencilled on those jackets on the wall? Can't I take one home with me? No name fair game? Is YOUR name Marie Callendar? Well Is it? How about Subway? Should I start calling you Subway?? How about this... Tomorrow, I get a new dinner, but before I put it in the fridge, I take it in the bathroom, pull down my pants, and rub my bare ass on it. How about that? You think about that before you take something YOU KNOW isn't yours."

I didn't raise my voice or yell, only pointed my finger at her chest for punctuation. And the next day, I made sure I placed a dinner in the freezer but made very sure several people saw me take it home at the end of the shift, uneaten.

Confidence isn't something you learn, it's something you earn.