Can it be getting harder to deal with NT's at work?

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As I get older, and learn more about myself and my Aspieness, it seems I am noticing more when people are offended by me. I am beginning to get paranoid, and the stress of working in an office full of people is getting to me. When I was younger, and didn't realize how different I was, I let things roll off my back and moved on. It's not that easy anymore.
With promotions and job changes, I am dealing with more and more people every day. Is it going to get any easier with age? I cannot see myself in this job ten years from now if the stress of dealing with NT's doesn't improve. The problem is, at approximately 40, there is no job I know of to crosstrain into that will pay what I make now.
Have any of y'all been here? Did you plateau because of your Aspieness or were you able to work thru it? How do you deal with a family with high expectations of big houses, nice cars, and fancy clothes when in your mind you cannot last many more years without a more friendly environment to work in?

Yes, I have been there. Similar things have happened to me. Iwould like to go back to the time when I wasnt so aware of what was happening around me socially as I am now, even just 3 years ago I was relatively unaware... its like my social awareness has increased but my actual skills are still all over the place and I have no idea anymore who I am supposed to be out there, and how I can stop it from offending others...

I think it is a sort of process we go through and this is one stage of it. I am beginning to think it is a philosophical question, we are critical, intensely thinking minds in an emotional, nuanced world. Some have found success with learning lots and lots of social rules and practising, but my mind is not systems oriented enough for this, I am hoping I can find a different answer for myself.

As for the workplace, well I found a good way to survive at my last workplace was to be as agreeable as possible, and stay out of emotional politics and stuff, and just be friendly when someone talked to me, skirting around conflict when it arose. Emotionally I kept to myself. Perhaps that is not the best approach in some circumstances, but it was the only thing I could do when I was partnered with someone in the office who I didnt get along with.

Anyway I think it was not a permanent solution and now I am looking for a new way of being in the world.

I would like to say working gets better with age, but feel it gets worse as we get more set in our ways. I was in my early 40s when decided like you enough was enough, me and my husband worked long hours in very stressful jobs in central London, gave that up and moved to NZ earn about 1 fifth of what we did before, but so much happier, money brings stress and problems... like city and people do also to us aspies, so if you can change your life style do so... whats the point of working so hard you can not enjoy life... if your not happy, you can be sure the rest of your family aren't. Sometimes it takes big steps and changes to really view the situation... If you not happy now, change as only will get harder as you get older....

Not trying to be the bearer of bad news, want to to think positively about a different better future, if it happens or not better to have those dreams than not at all....

That is what I have been trying, but now the customers are the issue. it never bothered me much in the past if we have a customer get mad occasionally because I make the company so much money I figured a small one here or there didn't matter.
Now that I am so aware I am getting pretty hard on myself and I am noticing when others get upset. In the past I never picked up those "signals".
I am beginning to wonder if I should change to a job with little sales exposure, even though that's what pays good.

It bothers me when family has expectations of someone supporting their addiction to material objects at the cost to that individuals sanity. That is one of the disabilities that seems to effect more NT's then ASers. There is not one thing I could buy that would be worth more to me than my sanity and free time.

That said, changing jobs should be done carefully. As some one who has worked nothing but low paying jobs...they are not necessarily less stressful in ther ways. You are much more expendable, less tolerance for "talking back", more out-sourcing of jobs, less power make decissions=putting up with more stuipid decissions by superiors who haven't a clue about the job being preformed....and you still have to deal with people getting mad abut your social skills


There is no easy answer. When most people complain...they either want someone to fix the problem(squeeky wheel) or have an empathetic ear. Do you feel like your company has been slacking more on the service or product that you are providing and that is causing an increase in unsatisfied customers ? Perhaps there is a pattern that you can see and help them fix ?

No, there isn't any increase in dissatisfied customers. There have been a couple of very vocal, noticeable ones in the last couple months that really bothered me though. Just enough that now that I know I am ASPIE I realize I can irritate NT's without even trying. I never fully realized that before, and was able to dismiss them as "their problem". Now I am unsure. Maybe it's just a phase I am going thru. I have definitely lost some of my confidence in my abilities to function socially.

I think you are correct in assuming that you are just becoming more aware...even hyper-aware and focused on it...(we can get that way at times...especially when in "problem solving mode"). I think that is a case of ..."When you are holding a hammer, everything starts looking like a nail". Noticing something because you are looking for it is a common human trait but our focus can be even more intense. I think this could even make you less able to deal with the situations because hal your focus is on "am I doing something wrong" rather then just focusing on the interaction itself.

You could try and get a book about "how to deal with difficult people" and that may give you some pointers (probably things you had already figured out yourself and were doing with out realizing you were doing it). We may not be born with an innate social skills but we figure a lot ut through logic and practice.

AS your original gestalt was helpful..."to believe that the problem was theirs"...that could be true. Many people have internal stresses in their lives that get projected onto innocent bystanders. Their marriage is falling apart, their kid is a junky, they are dying of cancer...X1,000. I always assume that people who are angry are probably reacting out of more then the current situation...then again, I was a psych major, so this comes pretty natural for me . My personal belief is that most people are insane.....true or not, it helps me get through the day.

Here's the link to the post I mentioned above about writing a letter to coworkers explaining AS: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt68245.html