So now I have a choice to make...

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Got called into the bosses office today for a quick chat. I wont go into details here except to say that I have tried. I tried to give insight and explain using examples that directly applied to his world, but the seed of understanding simply can't grow if the soil is dead and infertile. He was completely unable to step back from the big picture and see the smaller details. And in this case it is the small details that have built up into one giant small-detailed mess. My job support person counselled me through the emotional reactions to see through to the rational reasoning in the background. Boss says that they want me to stay and that they are trying to give me an opportunity that most businesses would not bother with.

So now I have two choices:

1) Use this as an opportunity to attempt a massive alteration of mind. eg try to ignore/forget/move on from the fact that my employers have given me false information and are incapable of seeing outside the small square that they exist in. And that my co-workers think I am abrasive and are completely unable to spare a thought for anyone but themselves. And that as a result of all of this, I feel like I have been lied to and given a very hard slap on the face. Can I go into that workplace and look at those people while being fully aware of just how little they think of me. They actually almost acused me of challenging the decisions my supervisor makes and said that I am unfocused and in need of direction. Can I go back there while knowing that this has happened once and they are fully capable of doing it again. Prolonged exposure to this environment has resulted in such a level of frustration that I have become suspicious and vindictive. This completely goes against my nature and I hate myself and my lack of self control.

2) Or I can try to reconcile myself with leaving yet another job and going back to unemployment. Given that my last stretch of unemployment lasted over a year and resulted in my becoming terrified of being thrown to the sharks and extremely depressed over the large number of debt collectors nibbling at my feet. This is part of an ongoing pattern where I will get a job, things will be just peachy for a short while, they start to realise what they have hired, either they fire me or I quit before they can, I go through another stretch of depressive unemployment.

I just wish someone would officially declare me disabled or unemployable and put me on a pension so I would not have to stress about the whole job thing. The beauracratic government here says that if I am capable of doing any kind of work even if only for a few hours a week, I am not 'disabled' and have to do jobsearch like all the rest of the dole bludgers out there. never mind that the stress of constant job cycling will eventually lead to either suicide or nervous breakdown. never mind that a year is an abnormally long time to hold down a job or that each loss only makes my state of mind more fragile. lets just ignore that for every year that passes I am less likely to have anything resembling a career, that my working life will be one pointless job after another. I can't even compete with recent generations of teeny bopper school kids for jobs in fast food because I dont have the required enthusiasm and people skills. Who the hell buys fast food based on the child who serves it? And then there are the kids that finish high school with a diploma or partial degree thanks to school based apprenticeships and fast track programs. How am I supposed to pit my few acceptable qualities against a combination of youth, qualifications and experience? I am 26 and already feeling over the hill!

Anyway, was just wondering what other people here would do in this situation? The majority of people (boss included) think I should just suck it up and get back to work because life and business are like that. Like that makes it right or easier. the whole 'life's a b***h' type of stuff.

There also a more pragmatic solution:

Try to keep your job as good as you can for the time being and look around in the same time for something better suited. I can't speak for the situation within Australia, but it would surprise if it wouldn't the same like here, that it easier to switch a job than to go from unemployment into a job. So you are in better position to keep your job till you found something better.

I have to agree with Dussel here. Try to stick in there as long as you can and when you aren't actively working find something better. It looks really good to the perspective employer when you can say "I will need to give my current employer a 2 week notice if at all possible."

Plus, there will not be a considerable gap in your pay checks.

Go in with the mind set of "hey, they are paying me, I'll do my best because that is what I was hired to do." Then just be polite to everyone but remain apart.

I have already done the thing with trying to hang in there and the situation snowballed anyway. Except that when I was doing that, it was not to stall while looking for other work, it was to actually try to keep the existing job.
I have until sunday afternoon (it is thursday am here now) to make clarify my thoughts and email the boss with what I want to do.
I tried to be cheerful and chatty with people while working, they thought I was unfocused and needed direction. I tried to be 'one of the gang', they thought I was bossy and abrasive. I tried to distance myself, they thought I was being cold and up myself. No matter what I did, these people have continued to think ill of me. This would not normally bother me except that boss then tells me that they think I am not being a 'team player' because of my attitude towards my co-workers.

I do not know both sides...


so 1

I don't really have any advice for you but, the same stuff happens to me all the time. Every time I get a job it's the same cycle. I somehow pull off the interview and get hired, I don't speak to anyone without being spoken to for the first 3-6 months I'm there (but if I make it past half a year or so I end up being a goofy Motherf***er), that puts off/freaks out/etc. my bosses and coworkers, I get bitched at/written up/fired, and I end up unemployed or doing BS work for my Dad for months at a time cuz looking for a job freaks me out and generally doesnt work for a long time anyways.

So, anywho, I don't have any advice for you but maybe it'll at least help a little to know you not the only person out there that has a really, really difficult time getting and staying employeed.