I'm scared

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The title sums it up pretty much. I'm in my second year of grad school. This is the year where I graduate and move on to a career, and I'm scared out of my mind.

I'm scared I won't get a job. I'm scared that if I do get a job, I'll just crash and burn horribly. I've had only three jobs ever in my life, and I was fired from two of those simply because I wasn't good enough. I went into a Professional Practicum course last year, and almost failed that one. I know enough about myself and how I handle myself in a professional environment to know I'm heading for distaster.

Above all, I can't get it out of my head that I'm moving on to independence and adulthood. I know I should want that. But the thought intimidates me so much that I don't know if I'm ready for that transition.

I just don't know what I want anymore, or what to do.

Oh no! Congratulations, you are moving on! But it's scary for anyone, so I've heard (from my counselor.) What do you mean you weren't good enough? Like, were there executive functioning problems where you needed a bit of extra support, you didn't fit well with other people, or that you actually couldn't do the job?

Also, is a phd an option? Interesting note, did you know that there is an inverse relationship between people going to school and the strength of the economy... (from what I read and also a comic strip called Piled Higher and Deeper.) yeah i am one of those going back to school, too.

What's your field, anyway, is it library studies?

You are borrowing trouble, thinking too much about the road off in the distance, and imagining the worst.
You have worked hard to be where you are, count up your strengths and blessings, tell yourself that even if you have a hard time at something in the future, you will handle it, because you have handled a hard time in the past.
In short, quit freaking yourself out with the "what ifs".

I failed most of my previous jobs too. But not my last one, which I'd still have if the company hadn't folded.

I only got officially diagnosed (woohoo!) several months ago, so all of my working life has been a little luck and a lot of unluck. But in retrospect, knowing what I know now, and trying to find another job, I realise that the REALITY is that not everything is an optimal option. It's my legal right to work where I want, but it's not realistic to think I'd succeed just anywhere, given the nature of AS as it applies to me.

So I advise for you what I advise for myself: Don't plan to accept JUST ANY JOB that you can find. Read a book or two on AS as it applies to work/careers, identify any traits specific to yourself, focus on jobs that fit those parameters. Know yourself. If you work that way, hopefully you'll be playing to your strengths, you'll be happier in work, and you'll be more attractive to employers.

Hi everyone, I apologize for taking so long to respond.

In regards to your first set of questions...well, one job I was fired from simply because I was slow and inefficient. The other, admittedly, was for a stupid reason (ie I couldn't handle stress well in a high-stress job, and lost my cool more than once).

As for the PhD option...I'll be honest, I never considered it. At all. I guess maybe I should have.

And yes, my field is library studies.



I guess. Maybe it's just the mixture of independence, and the responsibility that looms with it, thats down the road that intimidates me so much. I've always had support in one form or another, so I find myself wondering if I really can rely on myself to work and support myself.



Good thinking. But part of me doesn't want to sit by and wait for the perfect job to come waltzing by. While I don't want to jump and apply to everything I see for fear of digging myself into a ditch, I also don't want to limit myself too much.

Thanks for all the replies. Lately I've been feeling a bit less uneasy about my future, and I think these replies helped.

Glad you are feeling better, even if it is just a little. My understanding of your situation is that you have never had a job. Well, if that is the case, perhaps you have an idealized picture of what others in the workplace are doing.
Fact is, there are complete morons who are bosses, drunks and drug addicts holding down decent jobs, people who are adept at doing little of the actual work and spend their days talking on the phone or playing on the internet abound. There are many great people out there too, I just wanted to point out that if you have some picture in your head that the vast majority of people with jobs are performing well, spend most of their time at work actually working, that "they" all have it more together than you think you do or will, well, that is not the case.
Again, it sounds like you are lacking confidence somewhat, which is very human and widespread, or maybe it is some social anxiety issues, whatever it is, do the positive self talk, do NOT think about things you have not done well, think about things you have done well at. This kind of thinking actually can change the brain. You must be doing well at many many things to even be in graduate school.
As far as support, I doubt it will be like you get a job and instantly have no support system. It will be a process, a process you control and that you can take small steps towards when YOU are ready.
Life is a series of arrivals, not destinations, an ongoing process, and no one thing defines anyone.

I think library studies is the ideal career for an Aspie. My son just finished a BA in history and is really kind of lost right now. I wish you the very best and I'm happy for you that you have a focus. Onward and upward

Oh, I've had jobs before-- four to be exact. Two of those, I was fired from. One of those I held successfully until school resumed, though I'd incurred one warning for inefficiency during that time. One job I managed to successfully hold throughout the summer, but seeing as it was an incredibly monotonous job (re: dishwasher), competence really wasnt much of an issue.



Maybe. I just know from experience that being inefficient does come back to bite you in the ass-- it can hurt to simply not be good enough.



I guess I'll try that. Maybe you're right, maybe I am too much of a pessimist.



I guess thinking of it that way would help somewhat. Thanks, that puts my mind at ease a little.



Hence why I picked it.



Thanks.

When you take your interviews, watch your interviewer closely. If the inverviewer is the type of person who you can get along with, odds are they wouldn't survive (more likely they'd call BS and leave) if it was a horrible company. If you have overbearing inverviewers who seem cracked up at the littlest thing you catch on to - pass on the offer. If they seem sharkish in tone (with or without appearance) - pass on the offer. If its a female and she seems too docile to read - pass on it.

You're going to have to trust your instincts based on who they send out to do the interviewing, as you'll be able to tell a lot about the employer just by how the interviewer talks. If they seem very on-point and in proportion - good sign. If they seem like very 'real' and down to earth people - good sign.

Good advice, I'll keep that in mind during my job search. My long, dreary job search...

...I don't know, I just don't feel ready. Is this normal? I'm finally moving into career searching, and I've gone through the full master's degree, but...I just don't feel prepared. I feel like my world is moving way to quickly now, and I'm barely hanging on by my fingernails. Is it just me, or is this normal for people in my age and situation?

I guess a part of me is also resenting that I'm even going towards a career in the first place. This part of me resents that I didn't really live life to the fullest while I was here at university, and instead just allowed myself to be a boring, introverted student. And now my opportunity to be more adventurous has been wasted. Is this an immature attitude to have?

Don't spend your present regretting the past, there may come a when time the only thing you have to regret, is the time wasted on regret

Even with four years work experience I feel imbalanced, vulnerable, like I could easily get snapped up by the wrong employer and have a heck of a time making it through the first few months without being let go. The fact that anyone could or would do that and that its happened to me in the past gives me chills. I've already have had offers and things didn't fit on paper so I passed on them, waiting to actually find something that will be a step forward and give me more rounded and practical knowledge of the field.