Why does "quiet" equate to "ready to snap&quo

Post Reply New Topic

At work yesterday, a co-worker told another co-worker that if he came to close to me, he was afraid I was punch him. I assume this is because I am always so quiet and keep to myself.
People would make similar statements about me (or to me) in high school. They would say I would be the one to snap and shoot up the school. I've never been a fight before and I am not a violent person by any measure. These allegations were made even more absurd by the fact that the person who DID try to shoot up the school was one of the popular "jocks".
I just don't understand this and I am troubled by it.

Last edited by drowbot0181 on 17 Apr 2009, 10:20 am, edited 1 time in total.

It's like that for me. I'm not violent. But if one of the populars comes to say something to me they start with "don't hit me" or they tell me I seem sinister and I'm probably planning something.

Yes, it is very odd of them... And I just don't get the connection they are making there. What is the reasoning? How do they draw that conclusion? It makes as much sense as "don't get too close, he'll turn you into cheese!"

Love your avatar, btw. Very funny.

Typical people associate being quiet with being disinterested in human relations because it's often depicted in the media, movies and TV as reality. The quiet kid is the outcast, the one who is always bullied, so he gets an ak-47 and shoots up his school. In actuality though, I think people who are generally quiet are afraid of being scrutinized, judged and ridiculed in social settings. When I was younger, I was told many times by family and others that the things I said were rude or inappropriate, or they just made fun of me. That's a major part of the reason why I'm a quiet person.

Well, I actually AM completely disinterested in human relations...

:LOL: I would think that someone disinterested in human relations would consider violence toward humans as being a step backward.

But I dunno why people would react that way to you. For my part, I not only have a perma-frown, but have been avoiding all eye contact. To explain the first, my personal genes have gifted me with the family mouth. When at rest, it frowns. Those doofuses who tell me it takes more muscles to frown than to smile are idiots on so many levels. First off, it takes ME no muscles to frown. Second, for those who do have the gift of an actual neutral expression, I'm pretty sure there are no more muscles tugging the mouth down than up, gravity being what it is. And no amount of muscles will pull those corners up if I don't feel like smiling.

But why they would consider you violent... I can only reckon it out factoring in the violence in society, or in these people individually. Experience is telling them that a certain type of person tends to become violent, whatever that experience may be. And like so many simpletons, they follow their childish whims instead of intelligently investigating for themselves. This is all mob behavior, sheep's thinking, the failure to ask questions, or to ask the right questions.

In brief: they're stupid.

My expression also tends to be neutral or even "frowny". People used to always ask me "what's wrong?" and I was always confused by it.
As far as their jumping to stupid conclusions, maybe they are stuck on that ridiculous half-saying, "It's always the quiet ones...".

From an "office workplace violence" perspective, I can tell you this much.

The man who talks a lot of smack about doing something violent tends to NOT be the one who will actually do it. That's not an absolute rule, because some guys are crazy (lol), but talking about what stresses you is very therapeutic. A person who talks about taking a baseball bat to someone is not likely to do it because talking smack is one way to cope with stress.

I'd still not suggest doing it since there's a lot of people (NT at that) who think that saying something that sounds threatening = intent to carry through.

In contrast, the man who never complains is the dangerous one. The most likely person to walk into the office with a shotgun and kill half the people there is the one who seems content no matter what happens. Never complains, never gets upset, etc. He just buries the stress inside until one day it reaches critical mass and he snaps with extreme acts of violence.

The irony that some places get so worked up about someone talking smack is that it discourages what can be a healthy way to cope with stress and encourages repressing public displays of stress management...creating the very type of situation that can lead to violence in the workplace.

AS people who tend to be quiet and to themselves in the office (especially if they seem to be non-reactive to stressful situations) may seem like the "ticking bomb" waiting to go off because a NT person presumes the AS person is repressing the stress when really the AS person just processes the stress differently and may not show the expected reactions to it.

Interesting perspective. I've actually rather come to enjoy having that effect on people a little bit from time to time. It's my darker side, I guess. I've spent so many years being afraid of people that I sometimes like having them afraid of me. I wouldn't enjoy this if I had actually done something threatening, mind you. It's the thought that I have but to stand there thinking about figs or cuckoos or earning rep with the Undercity and they sidle by quietly lest by drawing my attention they should set me off.

This is invaluable when you're nine months pregnant, I can tell you. Haven't had a single belly pat the last 2 pregnancies, and I assure that such an act would indeed come as close as humanly possible to causing a scene of violence. Such cheek.

And yet if I were to say, "I wouldn't consider being so forward as to grope you below the belt-line, so kindly extend me the same courtesy," they'd think I was the rude one. But I digress.

I'd say that all this concludes that NTs are as much in need of training in social grace as any Aspie.

I would snap if someone just labels me as quiet. I think that's stupid. You can label me as a grumpy gus or just antisocial all you want but labeling me as "quiet" is ret*d. I've had strangers come up to me and the first thing they would say to me is "you know, you're awfully quiet". What kind of conversation starter is that? I can't effin stand it when people insist on teasing me for that for no pathetic reason.

I get that "You're so quiet" all the time and its beyond annoying. My new comeback to that is (very loudly) "Yes, I am!"

I get that. I get things like "you don't say much" I've had 2 people asking me if I talk! although I think it was half teasing

I second basically everything in this thread. When I'm tired-and/or in my own head- I have a tendency to look really ticked off. I have been told that my body language- while natural to me- sometimes looks threatening to others. Most of the time it leads to people asking me what I'm upset about, which upsets me. Sometimes it comes in handy. I almost never get approached by salesmen at stores. They come up to me, to greet me, but when they get close enough for eye contact they get spooked away.
The best job I ever had was working in a call center. I had a reputation as a brooding, but smart, technician who was great with tech support customers. The customers couldn't see my body language, so it didn't matter. My co-workers knew not to be bothered by it and it was okay to come and ask for my expertise. But, I worked their for about a year. In the beginning I got alot of email mail and IM messages or phone calls from ten feet away. Finally they realized I don't bite and they could come up to my desk and talk to me, as long as I wasn't with a customer.
I wouldn't be troubled by it, unless it provents you from doing something or gets you fired or something. People keep telling me I need to see a therapist to work on body language. I don't feel the need to, but if it stopped me from getting a job that would be a problem.

The one that I've always gotten is "smile, it's not so bad." This is typically said by a stranger, when I'm just minding my own business, and going about life, and in a perfectly okay mood. I would NEVER, in a million years, go up to a stranger and say something like that. It's like going up to someone and saying, "Your butt wouldn't look so big if you wore black pants instead of white." It's just rude. And it's aspies that are supposed to lack social skills.

Dear god, I've gotten that just as much as the quiet remark.

I dunno which one will make me snap first!

Now the same co-worker that made the "he'll hit me" comment comes right into my personal bubble and touches my chair every time he drops off a drawing request. I just can't win...

Is there not a happy medium between irrational fear and getting in my personal space?