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Hey all,
our daughter: HR, age 17, aspergers dx, in 3 spec ed classes, quiet (at school),11th grd
Ok, heres what happened: Fri HR comes home from school agitated, ranting on that in class a girl taunted and then hit her, kept saying 'go ahead and hit me', HR hit girl. The girls' one on one aid took her out of class to calm down. Girl comes back, calls HR a racial slur, HR outbursts and goes after girl, who is ready to fight. Girl is taken out again. HR doesnt remember too much after that (nothing was done to help HR calm down, she was left in class with a headache from being hit in the head, not really knowing what to do). She was afraid to walk in the halls after class.

We moved here at the start of last years 2nd semester and never heard of the girl before this. HR, her friend in the same class, and our 8th grd son say the girl is mean to people, has a one on one aid with her at all times, and is a 9th grd cheerleader. I planned to contact the principle on mon., no one had called me .

Later we all went to the homecoming game.
Imagine my shock at what happened: The cheerleaders had moved in front of where I was sitting on the 2nd row at the far left end of the bleachers. HR and her friend come walking by. A cheerleader came to the fence and using profanity threatened HR. Yes- it was the same girl- shes a jv cheerleader, allowed to participate even though she had bullied a student, HR, that day.
Completly distraught, I explained the situation, (along with my dismay that a cheerleader, whos supposed to represent the school, would do this kind of thing), 1st to a cheerleader advisor who said only the principal could disipline a cheerleader. 2nd, the principle- said he would talk to girl, I didnt think it was a good idea for him to talk to HR at the time, she was in her 'I dont want to talk right now' mode. 3rd, the teacher. 4th, a police officer- took me to the officer in charge. While talking to the officer in charge, the jv cheerleader advisor, along with the girls' aid and principal came over. Everyone knew the girl. I had the feeling they didnt take the situation seriously, did not understand my thinking the girl should be sat down, if not sent home, and to my absolute surprise, did not seem to believe me! After getting home from the game I wrote down everything.

Mon. I again talked to the principal, got nowhere, he just didnt understand my level of concern (there was not even a referral written, no incident report). On to the superintendent. I gave him copies of incident reports I had written form a form I found online. He called me the next week saying he was satisfied with his investigation. He sent me copies of reports he had asked the principal, teacher, 2 advisers, and aid to write.

Problem. There are huge discrepancies and untruths in the reports. The have me as a angry hostile person who made threats and even grabbed someones arm! And its clear they did not believe me. I am so dismayed and embarrassed. I am a quiet person, not used to this kind of thing -also have anxiety disorder, I am on paxil. We still have 5 yrs with this school, and our son wants to be in band next yr.
What would you do?

hooboy....what a mess...........when the emotions run high, it's amazing what school systems will label you ( the parent).......for whatever reason, it seems they're protecting this bully. I'm not exactly sure what i'd do in your situation........are there any other schools that could accomodate your daughter ?

We live in a small town with one high school. HR has actually made a few friends at school and her teachers like her, her grades are good (except algebra). She fusses if I make her stay home when shes sick. Moving her at this point wouldnt be good, Im afraid she might regress.

She seems over the bullying incident and didnt hesitate to go to school on mon.

well, if she seems like she's doing ok and actually wants to go back to school, i'd let her go........we all at one time or another have to deal with people who are difficult to say the least. I'd definitely keep an eye on things~ what does her teacher have to say about this ?

Too bad somebody couldn't poison this horrible little cheerleader.

In the classroom the teacher was writing on the board, heard the other student yelling, turned around and saw the kid standing in front of HR ready to fight. He yelled at her to back off. Thats when the aide (decided to do her job ) took the kid out.

His written statement was the only one that actually is to the point and not insulting towards me.
The others are obvious 'cover your butt' statements, pointing their fingers at the 'hostile' parent (me ). lol
When teacher and I talked at the game that night, his concern was for HR's wellbeing. He wants her to feel that she can come to him with any problem.

Anyway I am feeling better. All that matters is that HR is fine. I thought of writing a letter in response to their statements and sending a copy to all including the superintendent. I thought it would help them understand my perspective as a parent of an aspie. But now I wonder if I am not just wasting my time. Besides, Im beginning to see the humor in their unprofessionalism. And their impression of me is pretty hysterical too!

We do have a iep meeting on tues. I plan on adding intructions to allow HR to leave the classroom and go to the nurses office to calm down in a quiet private area, when she needs to.

i think i'm being obvious, but just make sure that the teachers have a clear idea of what signals your daughter gives off to tell that she's anxious and needs a break...............we had alot of problems at son's old school with the teachers not believing that son was anxious ~ just believing that son wanted to "get out of class"....

Break her legs? You'd probably get into trouble for that.

You mention a racial slur - I assume you're in a minority? If so, contacting a group such as the NAACP would probably be a good step. The district are legally obliged to take racial harassment seriously and take steps to prevent it. If they're failing in that duty, you need someone with a proverbial big stick to hit them, repeatedly, until they do something about it.
If you're not part of a minority, I'm not sure. The IEP meeting seems like a good place to start, I'd also give your daughter's therapist a call - nodoubt he's dealt with this sort of problem before, and will have a better idea of resources and who to call to get something done. If all else fails, your representative on the town council is a good person to call. Elected representatives know their positions depend on the good favour of the voters, and they wield a disproportionately high amount of power over schools.

If life has taught me anything, it's that finding the right person to represent your concerns is far more effective than doing so yourself (well, life's taught me a lot more than that, but it's the only thing that seems relevant).

Continue to document this cheerleader's bahavior toward your daughter. If the agresssion and racial slurs continue take legal action if necessary. I may not be a minority but I detest bigotry.

HR is not a minority, the other student is. (What she said: 'you white a-- h-!'). I dont feel being racial is tied to your skin color. It should be anytime the color of ones skin is used to intimidate and insult. Definately should not be tolerated at school.

The whole privacy issue prevents the school from telling me what they did to correct the students behavior. I also dont know what her condition is. Why does she need a one-on-one aide all day whos supposed keep her from picking on other students? (should she be in this school?)

I agree about monitering this girls behavior towards HR. I doubt anything will happen as HR doesnt want anything to do with her. And her one-on-one aide seems to be more on top of her, at least in the 2 classes HR has with her. Of course we dont know how long that will last.

Thanks for your help everyone. You all make good points and suggestions, I am writing things down to take to the iep. I learn so much on this website- kat