As son Lies constantly

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This is a very important subject due to the differencies in AS vs "normal disorder syndrome". since we don't learn the subtile distinguitises (?) between right and wrong as easily as others do.

see sadly this is a situation where a spanking on the bum would work
I am not one for that kind of punishment but some kids need that to get in line...I've known some who could have used it

As SuperNanny would say "your rewarding his bad behavour with the attention he craves".

Ignore the lies, reward brutal honesty(even if hes done something bad).

I'd love to reward the honesty if I could find something that he was honest about.

i'm sure there's something he's honest about....you might have to really look for it, but it's there.at the very least, praise him for positive behavior.

I was a compulsive liar when I was little - it's an aspie trait I think... We have great imagination etc...
The lying will stop eventually, when he gets embarrassed or caught out enough.

Stealing is different.

I went through a phase of nicking milk money from my parents. The thing that snapped me out of it was when I heard my parents talking about how we couldn't buy any milk this week etc. They asked me, but didn't blame me and just seemed sad. I felt guilty then.

In your case, it may have gone too far. Perhaps you need to find out what the money is needed for. If your son needs money for a good reason (or wants it for something) perhaps he could do chores or you could encourage him to do jobs (eg: wash people's cars).

Regardless, don't let him get away with it. "Sorry" probably isn't enough - particularly not in the shoplifting cases. I'm inclined to think that you should get him to do some chores to make up for it. If the shopkeeper was up to it, then him putting in some time to pack shelves or something might help.

He obviously doesn't understand and I don't know what else you can do except make sure you keep all your valuables well out of his way.

I used to pinch soft drink bottles to cash in at the store when I was a child. Firstly, I was told to ask the people with them if I could have some but they said "no". I was told if you ask for something nicely, you would be given it so I got angry when I asked nicely and they said "no".

Then some other people made me wait a long time for service in their store so I got angry with them too. Then I needed money for Christmas presents and that's when I took some bottles.

I feel very ashamed about it now but at the time I didn't see it as very wrong.

he broke a crafting tool of mine a few days ago, and when I asked him about it, he owned up to it so I thanked him for being honest

He knows the stealing is wrong, but is so impulsive, he claims he can't control himself. He wanted the money to buy some accessories for his game boy. We have chores every day that give him an opportunity to earn money (making bed, picking up clothes doing dishes) but he doesn't like to work and thinks he should be exempt from working. He's basically a good kid, liked by most who meet him, but suffers from the impulsivity. Mixed a little bit with ADHD. he used to take medicine, but I haven't given it to him for a long time, and that's "a whole 'nother can of worms."

we've offered son numerous ways of earning money.....we've even asked him to help come up with ways to earn money ( thought if he had more say in what he was doing that he'd actually do the chores/work). i haven't really been able to figure out if the reason he doesn't follow through with work/chores is because: he gets too fixated on the job being "perfect" or, if he feels he can't do the job & thinks it will come out bad so he doesn't even try, or that he just doesn't feel he should have to work to earn money.
son reports that poor impulse control is his primary reason for taking things~ he gets really keyed up & doesn't know how to back down. he's come up with some alternate methods of dealing with the anxiety, and for the most part he's been doing pretty well

Well, let's crack open that particuar can...

Are we talking about Ritalin?

Why did he stop taking it? Did he give a reason?

My son (7) is on Ritalin and reports that he feels more in control when he's on it. We're probably going to switch to slow-release so that he only takes it in the morning.

alrighty then

Yes he was on ritalin, but I didn't like the side effects. Sweaty palms. racing heart, decreased appetite, up and down, up and down attention levels, even the extended release didn't do that much for him. I have begun to seek out some other alternatives, and for now he seems to be doing alright. He is being homeschooled this year (not sure about next year). I felt uncomfortable giving him the ritalin, call it mother's intuition for this particular child. Oddly enough he seems to do better without it because he doesn't feel the up and down like a roller coaster. He even told me he liked not taking it. he did take it during school for the last 2 1\2 years or so, so maybe he's at a point where he doesn't need it anymore and other things will suffice

Wow, those are some interesting side-effects.

You're quite right to take him off any medication that produces visible side-effects. We haven't noticed any in our child yet.

Our aim was to have our son on Ritalin until he got old enough to understand his condition and start exercising his own control. Then he could make his own decisions.

I got through school without any medication but my condition was unknown at the time. I was known to be partially deaf though, so I got other forms of support, which ended up being equivalent to the sort of "special education" that aspies receive in school today.

So. In your son's case, medication is obviously not an answer. Neither, I think is "hiding your money" as it will cause him to seek out other sources (shops etc).

Job perfection is a problem with aspies. (see my post: Aspies and Perfection (Life-with-Aspergers)) as is low morale - thinking he won't do a good job.

I hate to say it, but I think you need to get your boy into the workforce asap. If he's working for someone else (other than family), it will be more difficult for him to "not work".

thanks for your opinions and experience. Best wishes to you and to your son. I appreciate being a member of these forums, there aren't any support groups where I am I don't think, and it's helpful to talk to others who have children going through the same things my son is, and also AS adults who have "been there, done that"

Aspies have a real difficulty understanding consequences of their actions even though the more than likely know right from wrong. Next time your son lies as well as taking away his privileges explain to him that when he lies, steals etc it causes a breakdown in trust between you, causes you to feel upset with him etc. This may help him to understand his actions better.

I lied as a defense mechanism when I was school-aged. There was verbal, emotional and some physical abuse involved. The context was school work and grades being to an "acceptable" level to my parents. Unless I got an "A" on something, it wasn't good enough--hence lying about things.

It was mainly based out of fear yet I kept expecting a different outcome each time....like I would finally be able to get away with it or my Mom's reaction wouldn't be as bad as before. I didn't really grow out of it until I moved away from home and made a life of my own. Even now, I must censor what I tell my parents, lest they question the hell out of it and neuter any rightful authority on my part.