looking for some help

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This is my first post here. I am the mother of two boys, one is 7 Dx'ed with Autism (but we think it may actually be Aspie because of situations when he was dx'ed), ADD, and clinical depression, the other is a NT 4 year old.

My 7 year old has been in the public school system here since he was 3.5 years old. We went in for a speech diagnosis and we were told that he had no speech delay but was given a tentative dx of PDD-NOS. At almost 5 he was not potty trained or doing any other self care skill and was given the autism dx by a pediatric psychologist.

He is currently in school. He takes reading and math on the 1st grade level in an inclusion class. Then he has science and social studies on the second grade level with an aide in an inclusion class. He shows some signs of disgraphia but we don't know if it becasue he has it or if it is just because his level is low. He doesn't like and is having problems with learning phonetically because words don't sound like the phonics teach him. He whizzes through his math work though. He has an obvious speech delay but according to the speech pathologist at his school, he doesn't.

I have been called into conferences because we don't correct his homework or give him the answers. We want him to know why and be able to think for himself. I am almost certain his aide has been doing work for him, but every time I bring it up it is met with denial. We can't afford private school, and I am a student myself so I am not home enough to home school him. I will take any advice if anyone has some.

First hi and welcome.
Second: IMO homework is awfull - I think kids should have time off when they get home. In a perfect world, they would learn all they had to learn at school, and have no need for homework.
My 9 y.o. HFA doesn't bring homework home, as he goes to a school for AS kids. My 10 y.o. NT does, and I find the time to do it with him... being a full time student, like yourself, it is the last thing I want to do in the middle of making dinner, cleaning ect.
I also think it is important that kids learn to do their own work. But I do have to sit next to my son - actually sometimes it is a nice opportunity to use time with him. If he needs help, I help him, but do it in my own writing so it is clear to the teacher that he needed help. He then does the same work himself, and has hopefully learned a little....

i'd ask for clarification about the homework issues.......how much do they want you to help?

we had difficulty with our daughter surrounding her math homework. she would cry and pitch a fit if we even attempted to help her. she hated it and would complain about how she didn't understand it. we told her teacher this. fortunately for us, the teacher was understanding. our daughter was able to get into a homework club after school ( run by high school volunteers). the volunteers help students who are having difficulty with homework. our daughter is doing much better since she's been in the homework club.

the homework thing was..he would get answers wrong. we would tell him they were wring the first few times, then we started noticing that he was getting the same questions right in his aide classes. so, the next time he had some homework, if he got it wrong and was adamant about it being correct we just left it alone. Then it got resent home the next day telling us to correct his answers. We left it alone so they could see that he was not learning the material. We don't have homework every night. And usually he does what homework he has with his dad right after he gets home from school. He sits with him and only helps now when our son asks for help, because , helping without permission occasionally leads to a meltdown.

>>but according to the speech pathologist at his school, he doesn't.

you have to more involved than you want to be. In our experience the school does the bare minimum to get them out of services or deny them outright. They're as bad as HMO's with medical services. It's backward, irritating and just plain wrong IMO, but you need to set their agenda for them and play hardball (threats of legal action do the trick as a last resport but don't overuse it). A lot of them actually want to help but policy seems to prevent them from volunteering everything from sound advice and opinions to actual services. We learned more in the parking lot than inside the school because it was off school grounds and not subject to policy.

>>I have been called into conferences because we don't correct his homework or give him the answers.

It's not an AS or autism thing but I don't get this. We've had the same experience. back in my day we did our own homework and maybe asked for some help. It seems now they want you to not let your kids turn in homework with any mistakes and it's somehow your fault if they do. Does everyone get stright A's then?!?!?!

Baffling.