Where Do I Go From Here

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How old is you son now aspie dad? How is he doing?

He is 18 now, a senior in high school who has consistently been on the honor roll in school and won several academic awards. He still has severe anxiety issues with any new situation that comes up. He loves routine and structure and does not do ANYTHING spontaneously. He very seldom talks with anyone outside his immediate family, but will answer a question if asked directly. Funny, though - he recently did a presentation in school in his computer class about CD Rom Drives. He says he doesn't mind that or get nervous, because he uses powerpoint presentations to help guide him. We are currently going through difficulties with him and his attitude around the house and with his younger sister. And driving is an issue also - he's not ready to drive - my topic posted the other day.

aspiedad2

Dear Dad:

First, you need professional advice. A psychiatrist. On the good side, if your daughter can be involved in special education, the school system can order the tests (and they have to pay for them....at least in California). This is the route we've gone with my son. On the bad side, believe everything you hear about the teasing. It's brutal. I mean, ordinarily kids are brutal, but the minute they find someone different, they're all over them.

As the parent of an Aspie kid (who is absolutely brilliant....tests that way), who is so tied up by the ridicule that he won't go to school anymore, I can tell you it's rough. However, I can also tell you that he is beginning to grow out of some of it, and there is research to support that it sometimes gets better with age.

A fantastic memory is not all that uncommon. I have that kind of a memory....where I remember what I wish to remember in great detail. I'm diagnosed ADD, but I've had it all my life (which has been a pretty long time), and the memory has always helped me, even though, sometimes I'll say I don't remember something so I don't stand out. But it's not a problem.

Just be there for your daughter, maintain your own sanity (which is often a trick), and get her tested.

Best of luck.
Beentheredonethat
R.E.S

What does your pediatrician say abou the gait? I'm not minimizing anything, but sometimes the gait is a sign of one of several other things, and has nothing to do with Asperger's or any other behavioral disorder....which is not to say that she doesn't have Asperger's but sometimes you've got several problems going on in one body, and some of them can be corrected simply or at least be ruled out as something to worry about.
RES

As far as her gait is concerned. I at first thought that it was 'low self esteem'...or insecurity, she walks very straight, rigid, does not swing her arms, hips, or anything when she walks, and, she walks toe-heel. I've really tried to break this habit...with no success.

Thanks? I'll try my best to take that as a compliment, I'm sure it was meant to be.

Maybe it's a compulsion, but maybe something hurts. It's worth a look.
RES

My son, J, is 9. When J was 6 we took him to his peditrician to discuss possible ADHD. His dr. suggested we see a psychologist because even though he agreed J had ADHD, he also thought something else was going on with him. He referred us to a couple of psychologists and one we saw tested him extensively and dx'd AS.

Our next step was to discuss this with his school. They wanted to to test him as well and did so extensively using different tests than the ones our psychologist used. They determined that J did not have AS, that he was ADHD and emotionally disturbed. It is true that he was having emotional problems. Because of his focusing problems, he was unable to keep up with gened classes and the kids were calling him stupid and wouldn't play with him (mind you this is first grade!).

We also learned the school psych did not like our private psych and, therefore, there was the potential that the school's dx was tainted somehow as some sort of egotistical pay back for something that had happened with another family. Therefore, I demanded an IME which basically meant that J would have to be extensively tested again by an agreed upon impartial third psych (paid for by the school). This time I chose a neuro-psychiatrist who was head of the childrens' hospital in our area. The school agreed with my choice. The neuro-psych was not sure about an AS dx at first because J is very high functioning. However, after testing she thoroughly agreed with our private psych.

What I learned:

1. Even though having a dx might cause a "label" to be placed on your child, your child has probably already been labeled by gened children because they know there is something different about our AS children, and our AS children, at a young age, do not know there is something different and cannot understand why they are being treated poorly.

2. Don't trust the educational system to come up with a correct dx. I say this for various reasons. In our case, the school psych had an issue with our psych. In addition, the principal and the school psych did not want to "tarnish" their record by having a student with this type of dx. Furthermore, AS children are eligible for "extra" services that children with a simple OHI (other health impairment) are not eligible for, and these services are expensive. Lastly, and this is purely my opinion, there is a reason a school psych works for a school...if they were an expert in their field, they would be working in private practice - not the school.

3. Lastly, seek assistance from a neuro-psychiatrist. These people are the best in their field. They know the most about AS and other types of behavioral conditions. They are hard to find and are usually expensive, but in my opinion I believe that our children are worth every penny. In addition, they have access to information to social skill development counseling that other regular psychs may not have access to.

Over the last three years, my son has progressed tremendously. The correct dx got him the services he needed. We ended up changing schools, and I held him back a year because I felt he was not emotionally ready to go on to second grade. So far, all of these things have been the best thing in the world for J. Things aren't perfect, of course, but we just take one day at a time.

Good luck!

We found this book to be useful. It's written by a teen with AS.

Freaks, Geeks and Asperger Syndrome: A User Guide to Adolescence

I agree with Jsmom.......... the neuropsych eval was costly, but worth it. the school district which is supposed to "support my son's educational needs" deemed that the psychological eval that was done a year ago was sufficient enough and that no further testing needed to be done ~ they could plan for his educational needs...............HAH!! !! !! !! !
the original psychological eval specifically stated that further testing needed to be done in one year's time, as son's depression was " masking other symptoms"........... we'd received the entire gamut of diagnoses from a large variety of professionals who wanted to put their two cents in. ultimately, the neuropsych eval was the defining test. the first out of 20 recommendations for my son was to place him out of district in a much smaller educational setting. the diagnoses was much clearer and concise. symptoms and anecdotal history were taken much more into consideration than any other dr had done before.[/list]