"Could Your Child Homeschool If S/he Wanted To?"

Post Reply New Topic

ouinon...I am 100% with you on this one. I do homeschool my child and I wouldn't have it any other way at this point.

We were so excited for our son to start school. Our original intent was a private Catholic School or military school, go figure, where we live (most middle class/upper class attend private school here). When we realized his speech was not at the level it should be, we began to worry. Soon we realized that in order to get into a private school, he would have had to start at that private school at the age of 4 and some even 3, or they would not accept him. They also expected all kinds of psychometric/psychological evaluations, IQ tests, etc...this I thought was just a bit over the top for a 3-4 year old. At 5, his speech was very delayed and we found a Sudbury School that was opening that was willing to take him with the speech delay. I was thrilled and the faculty was well aware of his delays. He LOVED his school for about 1 1/2 weeks then became terrified of it. Because of his speech delay, we could not figure out what had happened...finally, after another 2 weeks of trying the school told us there was a little incident and the teacher was fired. They claimed that they just took a pencil away from him and he freaked...Not sure I believe him, but hey, he couldn't speak to us to explain, so we were stuck.

At that point I told my husband I would homeschool for a while until we could figure out what to do next...It has now been 1 1/2 years (almost 2 in August) and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Mind you, it breaks my heart because sometimes he'll mention "go to school" but I believe it's only because he loves talking to people or being around people...and of course, his view of school is distorted because Sudbury was a school on top of a mountain...with over an acre, where you could see the entire city beneath you, trees everywhere, hammocks, etc...Ah, not what he'll get in a public school.

With that said, my plans are to move from where we live back to the US (where we came from 4 years ago) so that I can continue to homeschool him and for socializing he can join YMCA buddy soccer, horseback riding, whatever...Maybe one day when he can tell me "this idiot did this to me or I hate school because of X, Y, Z or I want to try it because of X, Y, Z" I will allow him to go to a regular public school and give it a try, only with the understanding that as soon as he complains about not liking it, I will homeschool him again without thinking twice about it.

I have heard many friends who tell me they can't homeschool and "hide" behind the whole socializing story...Well, fact is that in schools I remember hearing all my life, "you don't come to school to socialize, you come here to learn"...So, not sure what kind of socializing people are talking about...or at least, not any socializing that kids today can't get through other means such as community sports, etc...or even groups of homeschoolers.

At the end, most will admit that they just can't imagine having to be home 24/7 with the kiddos...that they need a break.

Honestly, I have worked for 18+ years at the same company, before that, I started working at the age of 14...I'm 39 and believed I would ALWAYS work...but that was only until I sent my child to daycare and had a not so good experience there...then when the school issue hit, I promised myself to do what was best for him...and therefore, I homeschool.

It's hard giving up the job I have, pays well after 18 years...it will be a HUGE financial hit for us...I'm going from a 400K house to a 2 bedroom 1300USD a month rent apartment, so that we can begin to save money and I can quit my job to dedicate myself to homeschooling our son...and you know, it is worth every penny.

He has learned so much, and everyone comments on how amazing he is...and I know, it's because at home we teach with love...and he knows he's not judged...and not harmed, like he was in school.

our son is unhappy at school. i must be mad posting on this discussion cos i'm setting myself up to be shot down in flames!

we are having a nightmare with him at school. yes i could home school, and there is a chance i could end up doing just that! it's such a huge step, and i'm frightened of making a mistake. i'm sure i'm up to the job, but do worry that he would fall behind on what the other kids are doing at school. i worry that he would get bored at home. yes there are plenty of things to do, learn, etc and places to go. but i'm sure that he would miss his friends. i know he can still go to out of school clubs, but i think he would just feel isolated at home during the day.

if i had family support it would make life easier. it seems most other families can send their kids off to grannies or an auntie for a weekend/week when they need a break. we do not have that support. there would be no respite, and i think i might just go insane!

Although I have had doubts in the past whether we would be able to handle it it was never because of financial reasons more because I have difficulty organising things. I can plan meals see that washing is done have play/reading time with the kids, but much more then that things start to fall apart like forgetting to feed the cat(don't worry he gets food either he makes it clear to me or my husband feeds him he can also open the cupboards and food bag) or other tasks like seeing the rubbish or recycling get put out. Although in ways I am quite intelligent certain things don't make sense to me like combing hair matching clothes or some very normal things.I also need time to be alone and do those things like rocking or spinning or whatever I need to calm down, oddly enough we do fine in summers there is a lot of stress in dealing with the people at school during the school year.My daughter who is described as having autistic behaviours but the doctors would not diagnose her as on the spectrum,they say it is likely her behaviours are learned from her brother,father, and myself does very well in the public school my son not well at all,we are in the process of changing over to homeschooling him. I found that basically at the school if he is sitting still and saying nothing that is a good day to them,I do not always think he is learning so much and as for the socialising there it seemed to have created a terrible fear of children in his age group for his first three years in school he did very well and was happy his third grade teacher took a disliking to him insisting he acted out just to be annoying he would rock his chair and stand up and move about. To think he sometimes needs to pace. That teacher felt to let him go to the relaxing room,a room set aside for the special ed kids with an aid if they become overwhelmed would discourage him to learn important life skills because as an adult you can't do that at a job.He would be having a melt down almost every day.Then then offered to put him in a separate school it seemed very well planned and run ad he did well for the first year then funding was cut and the learning disabled kids were mixed in a class with emotionally disturbed children with behaviour problems( kids who were basically removed from normal school for violence). We spent the next two years trying to get him back to mainstream school and they have refused. So we plan to homeschool although he does go a few days a week till we get legal stuff sorted out.

Part of what I worry about is that he will not get any socialising, yes I know groups are available in our area I just can't socialise myself or stand being with many people,school field trips and partys were quite difficult I volunteer to go with with him(otherwise they would not let him go on field trips) and occasionally we have both wandered off because something caught our interest.It's not so good to have one of the mums walk off with her son to examine some rocks or bugs,even though he is learning about them I have a great store of knowledge although I never finished my degree.

I know seeing ones kids do well is a responsibility you take when you have children, I also am aware that my family never expected me to marry much less have children. My mother is a great help when she can be. My father gives us museum memberships as gifts and stuff like that .Part of it is with some people there may actually be a point where improvement in things like social skills plateau, and it might be hard to imagine someone who no one thought could be on there own will live some semblance of a normal life.I know that Both of my children are quite bright, well behaved in public aware of things and learning life skills,most people are surprised at how smart and polite they are,and although they often have tangled hair they are clean, well fed and happy. I think too ,that most parents do the best they can and even NT parents who raise their kids typically with public schooling can have things they don't expect when their kids grow up.

I guess simply, I am worried it may be beyond me, but I will do what needs to be done because I must.

It is a huge step. It is scary. I worried and worried, still do though not half so much now that he can read. There is lots of pressure. I have no support either. My son's papa is away most days in the week, and when he isn't i often wish he were. My own family are all in the UK, and the papa's up north.

I found it all much more frightening when I started because my french was a lot shakier than it is now; i had only just about begun to read full length books in french when my son first tried, and hated, school. It can feel very isolating/dangerously odd. Have to admit that until he learned to read I often felt very insecure about it.

We even moved in order to be near a big group of homeschoolers, but it didn't work out. The internet and being in a small village has actually been better for my son, and me, in terms of social contact, than the big city with several homeschooling families to meet up with , but with whom I felt only snubbed. (as I sadly used to dismiss/snub people in England with poor vocabularies, accents, grammer etc, as I must/do seem like when speaking french. That'll teach me; has already! )

When he was little I too thought I would go insane if he were home all day. But have discovered that in some ways, many ways, it is actually less work, and less stress, this way than if he were at school, and that he is more and more able to do things on his own, on the internet, even, bit by bit, outdoors.

But I know it is scary. It is practically essential to have contact with some homeschooling organisation. That is pretty much what pulled me through; the newsletters every three months, and the support they offer if you "get in trouble". ( in france that usually means with the authorities and inspections, which is why we nominally "follow" a correspondence course, because it exempts us from home visits/check-ups).

Good luck. Courage. It almost seems to get scarier the closer you get to seriously doing it, because only then does it become clear how much 'school" has taken over the bringing up of children, so that many doubt their ability to do it themselves, as parents. Which is kind of weird and shocking, I think.

I totally identify with that. Amongst other things which so many people do so easily but I don't; we had a hamster; never again! Just making sure that his cage got cleaned out often enough etc was a nightmare.
I have issues about some stuff that are supposed to do, but which just never seems important enough, etc. We do the minimum that seems necessary, the real crucial stuff, but other things I only freak myself out about if I try to do them. Deliberately remind myself that many things are recent fashions, nothing sacred about them.

I totally agree about the stress involved in dealing with school. In just 4 weeks of relating to a school I felt as if I had been run over and suffered major surgery. It was anihilating, coming up against their monolithic notions of what everybody should be like, should do, should think.


About the sitting still and keeping quiet; same thing for us. Apparently the way the teacher knew that my son was doing well in school was his almost total immobility and silence.


That's the one most people ask about. But I now firmly believe that small doses of company/activity with others in safe environments are more useful than long stretches in scary/hostile/worrying environments, especially as the social structure at school is very artificial and unfitted for autonomous adult activity, and therefore not really the best kind to learn. ( Best avoided in fact ).

My son goes to Karate and fencing each week, and meet another homeschooling family most weekends. But like you I am not keen on other people in huge quantities, and need lots of time on my own, or at least in very calm environments. I do not think my son is suffering.

Yep, mine too. Good luck.

Last edited by ouinon on 27 Mar 2008, 1:13 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I'd make it happen. I'd love expanding on my kid's obsessions and having them do projects on what they learned from it! I think it would be so fun! And introducing them to different subjects and seeing which ones they have an aptitude for, and encouraging them to but not making them do other subjects, and seeing how far they can get into their special subjects! I men, I'm wierd, perhaps I'd have my children taken from me, but I think Star Wars can be educational for a kid who's obsessed. I found Harry Potter and Myst to be very educational or me about human nature and going on the Myst webboards really improved my social skills and it was so awesome and fun. I think video games are good for kids. They improve problem solving skills, hand-eye coordination, reflexes, etc. If they did it all the time, well, that isn't moderation; if he is so understimulated that he needs to be playing video games constantly the kid probably needs Ritalin and then they don't need to playvideo games all the time and can concentrate on other things to be more well-rounded. So I wouldn't totally ban prescription drugs if my kid needed them. I know there are exceptions to even that tho.

I chose yes, with a bit of reorganization. I think that homeschooling is a great option for many families, and my husband and I have seriously considered it.

But having twins adds another layer to the decision. In school they are in separate classes and that gives them a bit of breathing space in their very intense twin relationship...and they really, really need that. It diffuses the competitiveness and fighting, and gives them more of a chance to explore functioning and being treated as individuals.

For us it is all about weighing the pros and cons for our particular family. Right now their school situations are excellent (2 incredible teachers, great policies in our district, understanding administration, nice peer group, no bullying, access to many resources) so that is what we choose. But things can change dramatically from year to year (new teachers, more problems with bullying as they get older)and we will keep assessing the situation and choosing accordingly.

And yes, we do ask them for their input as well. Right now they are pretty ambivalent...some days they hate school and some days they like it.

Some kids like school. Even autistic kids. Just ask my daughter

I was taught at home as a child. Honestly, I don't think I could do it.

It would be one thing to teach my NT child at home. My aspie son can be very oppositional. I don't think that either of us could handle it emotionally.

Right now he's not doing so well at school (he's recovering form pneumonia and that has thrown him off), but usually he does very well. His special ed teacher has her PhD in psychology and she has a teenage son with Asperger's Syndrome. His resource teacher has a brother who is non-verbal Autistic. I feel so fortunate that they have so much experience. The special ed teacher has been the only one who has been able to get him to play outside with other boys his age (without complaining or tantruming).

This is why I find the Parents forum so depressing.

The assumption that I see all over this forum is that children should be NT.

Why should a child "play outside with other boys his age"? I don't see why? Why is it an achievement, why is it laudable, where did this idea come from that children should behave like this?

Last edited by ouinon on 28 Mar 2008, 12:52 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Playing outside is a healthy thing to do, physically. Staying inside and sitting all day are not what our bodies were made for.

School is exactly what the doctor ordered then, all those hours sitting at a desk, at fixed times, unable to move naturally as and when wish to, to let off steam, express emotional excitement, bounce and dance as ideas arrive and things happen.

My ( home-unschooling) son takes natural breaks of movement; he is permanently in harmonious movement; the kind that most schools do not allow, what they call "wriggling" and "fidgetting", and fussing, and "not sitting still". The kind he would get so much flak for, constantly, every school day.

Last edited by ouinon on 28 Mar 2008, 12:54 pm, edited 3 times in total.

If children spend hours on one thing, or don't want to go out, or won't play with most other children, this is apparently a problem. That is what I am like; am I supposed to undergo remedial therapy? Should I be forced to go out, socialise, and change activities every hour like at school?

Why should a child "play outside with other boys his age"? I don't see why? Why is it an achievement, why is it laudable, where did this idea come from that children should behave like this?

This sort of attitude, unquestioned, repeated on thread after thread, reads like a message to all aspies in the area that the way they live is unacceptable, insufficient, inadequate, a half-life, etc. I protest this attitude. I refuse to believe that children should, to be healthy, be running around outside playing with other children of their own age.

I believe that the "oppositional" child is very often just disagreeing with parents/teachers about what they want to do, and that very often there is no real reason why the child shouldn't do what it wants.

Last edited by ouinon on 28 Mar 2008, 12:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Lol, trust you to find the irony in what I said!

But our house does not lend itself to outside play. When we are home, we're inside. Being total lumps.

Staying indoors 24/7... not getting any physical exercise or social interaction is not healthy. I'm not trying to squash his uniqueness as a person with AS. I encourage his interests, but not at the cost of his health and education.

The fact remains that this is a world that requires one to have some form of social interaction to live as an independant adult. He will not have the skills to cope in such a world if he spends the next decade locked in his room playing video games.

I agree.
Healthy body makes a healthy mind... all studies show that excercise releases hormones that reduce stress, and even cure depression. Fidgetting just isn't enough! (Fidgetting could be seen as a symptom of not enough excercise)
(And then there is obesisty, diabetes, artherio schlerosis ect. ect.)

Sunshine likewize is imortant for the brain, mind and mood.

I think it is an old frashioned misconception that ASDies don't need to socialize - sure, they're often not good at it, but that's a different story.

Kids recieve different imput from different people, and we want them to grew up nuanced, not narrow. I believe we should give our children that gift.

Apart from that, we all have to do stuff we don't want to do, and it is utterly unrealistic to think otherwize. It is not a conformist view, it is stating a simple fact.