Homework

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That appears to be the California State Exit Exam. If you had resided in PA, you wouldn't have had to take any tests to graduate in 2000

oh ok, thanks.

The only thing I can suggest are a set of logical consequences. Set up a framework. Homework not done = this or that. I don't mean necessarily giving him rewards for doing what he should be doing - that only seems to lead to a "if you don't pay me it's not worth my time" sort of mind set, quite often. Homework not done = failing grade. Failing grade = some sort of consequence that he won't like. Something long-term. No TV for the quarter, whatever. And then you have to stick to it like glue. Failing grades because of not doing the work = repeat the grade. That's the breaks, it's real-world.

Sometimes kids just have to learn the hard way, and it's not so much about being Aspie as it is just having to learn self-discipline. If you have worked out an accommodation plan to deal with any specific problems he has with his schooling and he's not performing due to lack of self-discipline, it's time for him to start learning it. You'd want to modify this based on the age of your child, of course, but it's never too young to know that there are causes and effects in the world, and that he has responsibilities to perform and to learn how to manage his life.

This part is critical, in my opinion: He has to learn that there are choices, and that he's responsible for what he does. He also has to learn that in the real world he won't have an IEP. SO, if he has a lousy day or whatever, he needs to learn ways to get around it. He has to find ways to function "outside the box" if he can't function inside it. By getting up early the next morning to get what needs to be done finished. By giving up time doing something else he'd rather be doing to get what needs to be done finished. By modifying the task into a form he can master, and then reforming it back into the expected output. He has to learn to do whatever has to be done, in any way that he has to do it, so that he CAN meet goals and deadlines and have a functional life later on. I hate to have to put it like this, but he may have to work three times as hard to get by simply because he's Aspie. Better to be planning how to do that all along, rather than him having to find that out abruptly when he graduates high school.

Yeah, that's a lot to be hanging on a little kid, but life tends to be like that (no matter how much we'd like to pretend it isn't). It's really hard to watch them learning this the hard way later on if they haven't been raised this way from the very start, I do have to say. It's so much easier to just cave it after a while and say , "Well, you've learned your lesson, so all is ok now". You have to set the guidelines, the framework, and then that has to be it. They stand or fall on their own (adjusted for age). One thing about failure - you can definitely learn from it. So if he does blow out on an assignment, focus on what went wrong, how he can fix those issues, and then move on. Don't dwell on it being a failure, point out how useful it was to learn that information about what doesn't work and then move on.

The lesson to be learned with having to get homework done is not necessarily only the information you put down on the paper.

Good luck!

Last edited by Nan on 15 Apr 2008, 6:10 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Please don't worry excessively about the exit exam if you are in California. My daughter passed it in the 9th grade. It's not bad, it's really not. It's rather basic.

actually i'm not in school anymore i graduated from highschool, they removed the test cause alot of people weren't being taught the material back then. 8-10 yrs ago. actually i really wasn't taught fractions and still do not get fractions or algebra, which was required..

What part of fractions don't you get? The concept part - like if I have a pizza cut into 8 pizzas, each slice is 1/8.

Or the math part. Multiplying fractions is supereasy if you use the fold and color method. It won't work for large fractions but using it for small fractions actually makes it understandable (I never understood how fractions could be multiplied until I learned that method in college)

When my son is having a good day he gets through his homework and hardly complains but when he's having a bad day he'll be at the table for hours. Its hard to push him b/c if we push him too hard then he'll have a meltdown and then we take his video games away b/c thats seems to be the only thing of real value to him. I just feel bad b/c after being at school for all those hours and then have to come home and have even more homework and time just sitting there has to suck. I can tell he needs a break sometimes but his homework load is usually a lot! When the school year is almost over he's so fed up with school he complains daily about it which makes everyday rough in our house.

mostly the multiplying i have trouble with, fractions alone i learned on my own from video games, figure that out.. lol

but multiplying fractions i don't understand at all. don't really need to know it since i'm no longer capable to work.

You know what, though? They would be doing that anyway. That's life. When you work hard, take the more positive but more difficult path, there are always going to be those who crap on you for it. Some are closed minded, some are self-loathing because they didn't do it as well as you, some are just dickheads. You have to stay the course and know that you're doing what you feel is best because you want to do the best job you can. Keep it up and don't let them bring you down to their level of mediocrity.

I did this in high school. I grew up in a crappy household. Somehow I was in a private high school. The homework level was very high - and after walking halfway across town to catch a public bus, riding that to school, having a tough schoolday in a hostile culture, going to (insert sport of the season here) practice, walking home from the next town because practice made me miss the last public bus... I just had nothing left for two hours of homework. I had to sit in my room and (feel free to laugh - this is funny) stare at my Bel Biv Devoe poster for an hour before I could even function. By that time it was often 9-10pm. I ended up learning that in order to have that decompression time I had to do my homework in the middle of the night. I didn't sleep well anyway so I would get up around 3am, spend 90 minutes doing my homework (getting back to sleep is a good motivator), and then catch whatever sleep was left before the alarm went off. It was hell for two years but it was the only way I could get it done and thus move on to the next grade.

I just feel bad for my poor brother - we shared a bedroom and I was constantly waking him up.

We've been struggling with the homework issue for years (son is almost 12).

He WANTS to do the homework. He is not being difficult or non-compliant. He just hits a wall, if he's tired, or bored, or whatever, and he begins to stare off into space. The only way to get the homework accomplished sometimes is to sit right next to him and hover.

It has taken me a long time to fully realize that he does want to finish the homework. He seems to do better earlier in the day when he just comes home from school. If we have other activities, such as scouts or theatre school, the homework gets delayed and it almost always results in a very long night.

Kris

Figuring out the homework thing for my son (who is six) has been painful for us. The only homework he currently has is home reading that he is supposed to do each night. The problem is - he absolutely HATES the books that they send home. I am trying to work out some sort of compromise with him.... any suggestions?

Char

Yeah, I was the same way. I went to a very strict, old-fashioned Catholic school. At least two hours of homework on a good night, and homework over the weekend. (Two hours if I actually worked at it, longer if I dawdled.) It's not pleasant. It's not easy. But life is not easy.

And yeah, it make things unpleasant for the whole household. But that's what families are - they share the burden.

You may have to prioritize - scouts, theatre school, etc., are non-essentials. They're fun. They're rounding. But they're not essential. If he can't handle them and the homework as well, cut them. (Assuming that education is the priority - if the kid is gifted in theatre, that's probably going to be his meal ticket and you might want to make that the priority.) Good luck. - N

I posted about my son's experience of homework on page 1. Here's mine:

I did my homework night after night, week after week for 7 years, from 11 when I went to girls grammar school, till 18/19 on finishing the two years of college after that. ( the primary school i went to was a progressive one, luckily, so no homework, and probably why I was never diagnosed with anything either; it was relatively free style and laid back, in a good region, in the 70's, and even then I wasn't happy there until the last year, after 4 years I at least felt at home and relaxed enough to enjoy some stuff, the art and the reading and story writing mainly.)

I did my homework and I got 10 O-levels, and 3 A-levels, and a university degree. And none of it has been any use to me whatsoever. I have no job, no career, no money. Doing homework every night for years did not, repeat not prepare me for the real world. I might as well have been twiddling my thumbs, for all the good schoolwork has done for me.

Time thrown out of the window. None of it was useful. I learned nothing. I would have been better off weaving baskets for 7-11 years ( if include uni but not primary school ) , at least I would have had a trade at the end of it.

Last edited by ouinon on 16 Apr 2008, 11:08 am, edited 2 times in total.

What is your degree in?