What to do during a meltdown?

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I need advice on what is the best thing to do during a meltdown. Typically we send my son to his room and let me cry or whatever it out. Right now he can't go to sleep and is upset with everything from his mattress to his sheets. He is running around, yelling, and stomping around. Do I just let leave him alone to work it all out? Any suggestions would be helpful!

I think this is a tough one b/c there is no 1 answer that works best for everyone. For my son who is 8 he just has to calm himself down when he's ready. We try to talk to him and get him to relax and explain whats really the problem. But most of the time he has to do it on his own.

I read this post and since we are new to the AS world officially, I asked my 13y.o son what the best approach is for me to do when he is having a meltdown and in his beautiful words of wisdom this is what he said:

" Fix what you can for me, stop appologising for the things you cant and leave me alone with no talking or checking to see if im ok until after Ive calmed down, sometimes i want to talk about it afterward, sometimes I dont, just ask me and I will tell you."

This is pretty much what I have been doing but now we actually have an awareness of why these meltdowns were occuring, and the more I learn to read the signs of an upcoming meltdown the quicker I can remove the cause and prevent it. I guess in your sons case with the sheets etc, you could change them, if only to reassure him, even if there is nothing really wrong with the sheets. Take away anything dangerous to him physically, (we had bunkbeds and I had to remove them because he would try to pull them down on himself) and then let him know that when he is ready and calm he can talk to you if he wants.

We had to take his toys and hobbies out of his room as well and put them in the family room all bar a few special ones, because he would constantly break and smash anything in his room. Now he just has his desk, with his rocks and crystals (which he loves to collect) and his small tv and dvd for emergencies (incase the big sister takes over the lounge room lol)

I know for years I would make the bed and put all nice sheets and doona's on, tuck them in, fluff his pillows etc because I thought that if he just knew that I loved him and wanted to make things as nice as possible for him he would feel better and wouldnt melt down,.... well that worked to a degree, he knows how much he is loved, but he hates top sheets, he hates being tucked in, and he likes to be surrounded by his pillows not lie on them... once I accepted that it was his bed and his sleep time and he could do what ever he wanted with the bedding, lol things at least with bedtime were pretty much diffused. (now if i could just get the tidy room issue under control lol.. kidding)...

The biggest key is learning the warning signs, my son has only had one meltdown this entire year.... blessed be.... but its a combination of him becoming more aware and us becoming more aware... but when he was 8, I remember it being a weekly nightmare.. I wish I had of known then what we know today..

I hope that helps a little

Lissa

How old is your son? I think different things probably work at different ages, stages, etc. This is what works in my house, your life may vary.

My kid has irrational meltdowns but there is usually something that set it off, like tonight he didn't turn on his night-lite personally. (I did it for him because he said he didn't want to. I was an idiot - I listened to what he was saying instead of sticking to THE PLAN.) If I can back track to whatever that thing was and then fix it to calm him down.

If I can't find the trigger, then I usually need to let him sit in my lap and be angry or upset. I timed him and I found that he calms down faster if I hold him than if I leave him alone. I usually hold him facing out so he's not a complete prisoner. We rock side to side while I count. I'm basically teaching him to stim. As soon as he's halfway rational, I try to get him to tell me what is actually wrong so we can get back on track again. It sometimes takes a few minutes but it is WAY better than hours of screaming, stomping, and throwing things.

Good luck.

Keep out of it, but keep them safe. Tackle each problem separately. After its over if they are verbal ask them what set them off. If the don't know consider things in the environment (you'll get good at this...) Don't take anything personally.

wow, different things for so many different kids. It is hard to answer without knowing what causes the meltdown. Both of my boys have bed tents. This is a little hideaway place for them that they can go to be alone and calm down. My oldest also has a corner in his room that is hidden by his bed and he has a bean bag there that he can calm down on. We also have what is called a PeaPod (www.integrationscatalog.com is where we ordered it from). It has worked great for both of my sons. Both boys have headphones that they can wear on their heads to block out extra noise. With both of them, treating the sensory part of it helps to calm them even if the meltdown is somewhat caused by frustration (like homework for my oldest(7), and my youngest(4) is really into order, and if the order is messed up watch out!! !) sometimes if I can see that the frustration is starting to build up, I take them outside and let them jump on the trampoline for 5-10 minutes! Even in the winter! My youngest one I can hold and rock, he really enjoys this and finds it soothing, my oldest hates it and does not want to be touched, so he really has to be left alone sometimes until he can calm down because he tends to just get more agitated.

I think it all started with a bad homework night. Then when bedtime rolled around he was already frustrated so he couldn't go to sleep although he was tired. Once he gets in that state, everything bothers him. He said his mattress isn't comfortable because he wants to sleep in our bed (we have a new mattress that he loves). I finally gave in and let him fall asleep in our bed and then put him in his when I went to bed. I don't want to make that a habit.

I was thinking about him alot last night. We changed his meds. in Feb. and he was doing great at home and school. The last 2 weeks have been terrible! He's having difficulties at school and homework has been a nightmare. We couldn't figure out what was going on. After thinking about it last night, I realized that it is the start of allergy season here. My daughter has been fussy and had a running nose the last few day. Maybe that's what's up with him. I gave him his allergy med. this morning so we will see how it goes.

I know in the past when he has a meltdown there is no reasoning with him so we send him to his room until he's calm and we can talk about it. Sometimes he will destroy his room. I just don't know how far we should let him go without stepping in.

for us, it is impossible to reason with our son once he's in the midst of a meltdown. we ride out the storm-make sure he's safe & that everyone else is safe....post-meltdown, when he's calm, we are usually able to discuss what happened & what we ( or he) could do to make that situation better

Hi everyone, we call everyone on the spectrum jellybeans, neurotypicals marshmallows and meltdowns are tsunamis! That said, this is what we do! Hope it helps.

WHAT STARTS A TSUNAMI?

1. I've asked my kids and their most common trigger is FRUSTRATION. Imagine your child in the classroom trying REALLY hard. If your child has for example Dyslexia, s/he will quite obviously have difficulties in specific areas. With jellybeans you see it may not be as obvious, it may be a particular lesson that's coming up, a break time that proved stressful or just trouble ruling a margin on a page. It can be the smallest of things to trigger the feelings of frustration. Frustration when accompanied with increased stimming is a sure fire way to see the early warning signs.

2. COVER UP. This is also a common reason for a Tsunami, the time your little jellybean HAS done something wrong and is so angry with themselves that the anger is overwhelming and they get so cross that they punish themselves and others. Apologies are hard when your skin is leaking like a colander, your arms are flinging and flanging and your face is screwed up like last week's homework. The Tsunami is in a kind of bizarre apology, a recognition that they know they've done something that they shouldn't have. They are very sensitive and even when they have been a little devil, most know it and do beat themselves up.

3. SENSORY OVERLOAD. This is the most common reason in jellybeans who may have over-sensitive reactions to their surroundings - to light, heat, clothing, sounds, smells. Remember that to these jellybeans it may feel sometimes that every single thing in the room is trying to attack them. Why? Because they actually CAN'T filter anything out. Everything can hits them too hard and too fast, all simultaneously sometimes. They may feel too hot (remember their thermostats can be set far too high), and at the same time they can hear the neon light making a deafening buzz. Someone in the room is chewing a sweet and that sounds in their ears like a whole swarm of bees. Dinner is cooking and your jellybean can smell every ingredient, just as if he had his nose right inside every cooking pot and saucepan. Light is coming through the window and dancing about all over the place like pieces of blinding broken glass. And you're speaking to him and your voice sounds as if it's amplified so loud that it's completely distorted - it's like having his ear next to an amp at a rock concert. Is it any wonder he suddenly starts to scream and shout at everything just to STOP AND SHUT UP AND GET OUT OF HIS FACE?

4. INFORMATION OVERLOAD. This is a particular problem to jellybeans who may not be able to listen for very long. Did you know, some jellybeans actually can't listen and look at the same time? They have to do one or the other, but may not be able to do both simultaneously. So, if you're giving too many instructions too fast and these instructions are complicated and involve shifting between listening and looking, and if there's an emotional edge to what you're saying, too, that puts your jellybean's brain into free fall. It's like a computer crash.

The best way to cope is to deal with them, and trust me they need dealing with. TSUNAMIS are DANGEROUS. It's as though we lose control and although we may be sort of aware of what we're doing we just can't stop. As a parent you really do need to alert everyone to Tsunami-spotting and try to stop it before it runs its full course. It comes on in waves, sometimes out of nowhere, and CAN be halted in the first wave, which lasts about 20 to 30 seconds, but after that it's as if we're drowning under successive storming and crashing waves of panic, fury, frustration. Our brains go down under it all. It's a very scary experience, for us, as well as anyone who may be around, and WE NEED HELP PLEASE!

WHAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP - WITHIN THE FIRST 20 SECONDS

1. Speak to us and tell us firmly and in a single word that we are getting out of control.

2. DON'T TOUCH US!! !! !! Touch puts us into even more overload.

3. Don't give us a lecture - we can't HEAR.

4. Leave us alone, let US have the last word.

5. LET US RUN, if necessary, out of the door, upstairs to the bedroom or to lock ourselves in the bathroom.

6. When we emerge SAY NOTHING about it, ignore us when we reappear, we are probably a bit sulky still so let us be. We will communicate with YOU when we are ready.

WHAT CAN THE TEACHER IN THE CLASSROOM DO?

1 Don't Panic. Speak clearly and firmly - just one word is best.

2 Distract the jellybean with something that they are good at. SUBTLY

3 Remove the jellybean from the classroom with one adult to a quieter more private area.

4 Allow the child to STIM and don't crowd them, just be kind and keep them SAFE.

5 Allow the child to let off steam physically, allow them to RUN and run and run, the playground being preferable to the school car park.

6 Reassure and stay in the background. The child will wind down.

7 Don't threaten with anyone or anything.

Finally on Tsunamis, DON'T TOUCH. Unless you are invited to, try and avoid the temptation of hugging a distressed jellybean, even when you think its safe, it MAY NOT BE!