How engaging is your child?

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I have several priv evals that go from ASD to Autistic Disorder regarding my 12 yr old. They also show weakness in Dysgraphia (written expression, visual processing disorder, and processing disorder)

The school wouldn't accept these evals and did there own testing and it all comes up in their favor ie he doesn't qualify for an IEP/504.

They agreed for some more testing thru a state center.

The state center so far says he has extreme anxiety (he had a major meltdown on the third day of testing) but they didn't think he was on the spectrum because he was too engaging. They also say they don't see any problems academically so far (UGH!)

I was lucky so that I was in a booth with two way mirrors and could observe him. I did see a problem when the speech therapist pulled out a picture and asked my son to tell a story and he just couldn't do it. I also saw his response to the writing portions of testing and he really really tried to avoid it.

Anyway, I explained that yes he does engage, but he was only engaging with adults and not children. He at one point did move to another child in the waiting room, but it was because he had a psp and thats what drew my son. He didn't talk to the child, he just talked about the psp and how he has one and it's black but the white ones he was told were rare (the father kinda looked at me and said huh? LOL) He did not try to converse with him, it was the psp that he attached himself too.

I do know of some kids on the spectrum that do better than others in this area, but they are still on the spectrum.

This really bugs me.

In fact just this morning my son said he didn't want to go to school because he hates fridays. I asked him why and he says the lines always change on fridays.

I said at lunch? He said yes (I know that they line up in the same line alphabetically everyday which is good for him) but that on fridays they go backwards and he just can't get used to it and it makes him angry and confused.

BTW he won't show the anger at school, he will bottle it up and bring it home instead.

So anyway, I kinda drifted there.... how engaging is your child?

Lainie

my son and daughter are very engaging with adults. adults find their advanced language skills interesting. my kids find that adults are more patient with them than their peers..............my daughter says she has friends, but the reality is: there are "friends from Girl Scouts" ( which she only sees every 2 weeks at Girl Scouts), and then "friends from school" ( which she only sees at school).

daughter and son both tend to be overly bossy when playing with peers. they also get frustrated when their peers don't understand the language they use

My only friends when I was in grade school had white hair. I couldn't stand kids.

My son gets along very well with adults. They think he is so "smart" because of how he speaks (adult words, knows a lot of facts..etc) He doesn't get along with kids his age because they
think he's "odd". He does have 2 friends and one of them comes over to play with him on weekends. (he's 1-1/2yrs younger than him but they are on the same level when it comes to playtime)

My son is very engaging. He tries to connect with other children, he just doesn't know how. Asperger's is still new in the school systems. They don't really understand. Here in Canada I paid for an assessment with a psychologist, and thankfully that meant that the school had to go along with it.

My son fits the mold here too. Social engagement is another one of those stereotypes that "experts" interpret differently than we (the families) do. My son's "obsessions" include social interaction. So, once he learned how to talk, he appears to be very engaging. But he's domineering the conversation, activity and attention. Another misunderstanding is the verbal expression. My son may go up to you, look into your eyes, say polite greetings and "chat" but then unleash a monologue you never invited.

I've done this.... through years of figuring out how to "greet and chat" but it always come back to the monologues.... I don't know whether to laugh or sigh.

and I always got along better with people that were older than I was. I simply don't get my age group, they aren't interesting.

The interested more in the object than the person is one of the big ones I had to overcome, mantra "have to say hello, before asking about cool thing....have to say hello, before asking about cool thing..." lol i still don't get people's names.

oh and obsessions... one of mine is books... well I got an old primer on handwriting when I was 12 or so, which I read through and studied... well if someone were to test my handwriting now, it would look normal, but the amount of effort I had to put into making it so is not the same amount others have to.

I was not engaging at all with other kids, but I was with adults.

Ditto for my son engaging the adults, but not the other children. Adults who meet my son one on one (speech therapist, guidance counsellor, psychologist) usually find him to be "charming", "sweet", "precocious" etc. Adults who see him as part of a group of kids get a completely different impression (withdrawn, grouchy, spaced out, emotional etc.).

My son is OVERLY engaging. It's rather like he is a sensory seeker in the way of human contact. While it is misleading to many trying to decide if AS applies, as the school psychologist noticed, once he spent a lot of time with him, is that it isn't "give and take" engagement, it's "suck the life out of the other person" (not his words, mine, lol) engagement. It's very one sided. My son is certainly learning to make it two sided, but it remains an entirely self-centered view. He engages to get, not to give, for the most part. He isn't selfish as this makes it sound; it's really difficult to explain, the distinction is so subtle, but very important to understanding him. His goals are for greater good, but they have to be brought about in a self-focused way, maybe that is closer to explaining it.

My son has long been popular with adults, and has also become really popular among younger children at school. But when you look at it, the way adults interact with children tends to be focused on the child. And the way a younger child will interact with an older child he idolizes is focused on the older child. In both instances, the Aspie child has the luxury of staying on course with what HE wants, without having to engage in true negotiated give and take. In those settings he is free to be his amazing and charming and creative self. He doesn't have the frustration of someone telling him no, we're going to play football now.

same on this end--psych tried to diagnose him with anxiety--another one said no--possibly very aware and manipulative despite his autism label.

He approaches adults, can't remember kids names, talks about his psp (just happened today as a matter of fact).

You're going to find varying viewpoints. Find one that supports his ASD (whatever you have to do) and then stand by this diagnosis no matter what comes along.

We have a new psych for a new school (outside psych) evaluating. Should be interesting. He can say whatever he wants but that autism label sticks. A child does not outgrow autism. I've also explained to the team that I do not agree with medication or numerous labels.

I know my son better than anyone. I see his issues. They are absolutely real--not imagined.

Trust yourself. It is a complex disorder with many different shades.

equinn

Thank you everyone. I also posted this on another board and I'm getting back similar responses.

It's very frustrating for me right now as I really needed this person on my side when it came to the school district so I can get him on an IEP.

As it turns out tho I might be able to do this just because of the melt down he had in front of her but still, I wish it would be more appropriate for his needs.

I just get so mad when every doc you talk to tells you something different ya know?

With the Autism Label, I know my son better than anyone and all I know is it's the only thing that fits for him. It all of a sudden made sense and it was like a door opened explaining his behaviors.

Thank you Equinn for reminding me I need to believe in my gut.

Lainie

DW a mom, you're description of your son sounds exactly like my older Aspie son!!

My 2 Aspie sons are different.

My eldest son is very engaging with adults and younger children. He also holds it together and explodes at home BIG time. I've had lots of difficulties with the school because they don't understand his huge levels of anxiety at home, because he saves his meltdowns for home.

My 2nd second son will chat for a short time with adults, but he's not much of a talker at school. (as opposed to my eldest son who never stops talking).

Unfortunately, the more I read, the more I realise that Asperger's is misunderstood by many 'professionals'.

Helen

You know I just realized....

Doctors are listening too much to other Doctors and not enough people or parents who have kids on the spectrum.

Would you all agree?

Lainie

Hi Lainie,
Your son sounds just like my son. I don't know if you've been following my posts but it has taken a lot of work to finally (just a few days ago) have my sons school realise there might be some merit in what I have been saying.
On another note, when my son and I first went in for evaluation. An evaluation I had'nt intiated, I had in no way suspect an ASD.
One of the first things the pyschologist said to me stuck in my head. She asked me if I thought my child was different if I had any concerns at all. I said yes. She said well professionals need to start listening to the parents, they know their kids and particularly mothers, they tend to have a built in instinct/gut feeling. That is usually right.
My son is 9 and very engaging most of the time. I was just sitting here wondering if its possible that thats because, they have to be inorder to work out whats going on. Just a thought. I don't know if I explained that well, I know what I mean. lol

Yes! Yes! Yes!

That's why I LOVE Tony Attwood. He listens to Aspies! He listens to parents! He is always open to learning.

Helen