Worried grandma - Needs advice

Post Reply New Topic

Opinions Please - 4 year old is hitting/help needed Subscribe
From: BarbMrt 11:47 am
To: ALL (1 of 1)

3334.1

I live in Florida and my 4 year old granddaughter lives in NJ. I just got back from a visit and think she could have Asperger's. Before I suggest that my daughter check this out though, I'd like to get some of your opinions. I think since I'm the "far away" grandma, they will not appreciate my input since I don't see my granddaughter that often.

My granddaughter has been a biter/hitter for awhile now. In fact, my daughter told me that she has lost friends over my granddaughter's behavior. Now that she is in preschool 2 days per week, she is having difficulty making friends. She seems to run up to new kids hugging them roughly, etc. Just doesn't seem to know how to act.

My daughter and son in law are well educated, use the many suggested techniques that I've read about to stop bad behavior, but nothing seems to help.

My granddaughter was playing with my 5 year old niece (who she adores)
and right in the middle of happily playing, she went up and kicked her. My daughter interceded with a time out, explained that it hurt my niece, etc.

She still sucks her thumb and twirls her hair and when she does this she seems to tune you out. She hadn't wet her pants for a year and the other night, I watched her in a sleepover situation with my niece.
She awoke at 11:45PM and wet herself. She wouldn't let me hold her and finally I had to put on a video and she sat straight up watching it, ignoring me for the complete video. Would not communicate with me when I tried consoling her, etc...Just stared at the video.

She also tried scratching herself to the point of almost bleeding.

My granddaughter has always been a "handful". When she was an infant, she just cried and cried and had to be walked constantly.

She is also very thin and never seems to relax - always jumping around - more than other children her age. She eats nutritious food - no soda or sweets. She talks decently for her age, but not a big conversationalist as other 4 year old girls are.

Any advice appreciated.

Thanks

Welcome, Grandma.

Its difficult because you are so far away, location wise.

I would not venture a guess as to what is going on with your Granddaughter. It does, however, sound serious.

Have the parents ever considered a complete evaluation at a children's hospital? The quicker everyone gets a handle on things, the better off all will be. What does sorta surprise me though, is that the preschool teachers have not suggested this. (or perhaps they have?) They see so many kids that they know what behavior deserves a closer look.

In any case, my heart goes out to you and your grandchild. Please come back and review your thread periodically. We have posters from all over the world so there is often a time lag before people see new posts.

Also, if you haven't already, you might want to read the thread down two or three spaces. Its about asperger's in girls and how it presents.

BeeBee

I would have the parents look into Sensory Integration Dysfuntion. It sounds a lot like that. My dughter has mild AS and SID. Look into the book The Out of Sync Child. You are welcome to PM me also.

Kelly

Barb,
At your granddaughters age, it could be any number of things. And many of these have overlapping behaviors, so only a professional can give you a diagnosis. As BeBe says, the child could definately benifit from an evaluation.

it's very hard to know just what is going on, living so far away......it definitely sounds like something, but could be just about anything....unless the parents are willing to see that something might be wrong, there's not a whole lot you can do, unfortunately. children are mysterious creatures~ some children react in the ways you've mentioned after being ( sorry to say this) abused. without a consistent sense of what is going on, you really can't know........try to suggest that the parents take her to her pediatrician & discuss frankly with the dr the difficulties your granddaughter is having......sometimes parents believe that their children's problems are due to poor parenting skills, and are loathe to admit they need help. sometimes, their children's problems are due to poor parenting skills. i wish you the best of luck ...hang in there.

What about the behaviors you listed makes you think "Asperger's." I don't understand how those behaviors trigger a notion of autism, when it could simply be that your granddaughter has no boundaries and is not being disciplined in the appropriate social bevaiors. Your children may be educated, but this does not necessarily equal appropriate and firm discipline. After having my daughter, I am continually shocked by how little I know about how to discipline properly, and I am highly educated, as is my husband.

That being said, there are many things, like ADHD that contain the ingredient "oppositional reflex," where the person defying authority and using inappropriate behavior does so when feeling threatened and powerless.

I have Asperger's, as well as many of my friends, and not one of us were biters, nor would we just wet our pants like your granddaughter did.d

What do you think your limited contact, and your conclusions based on those short contacts, have to offer a doctor or her parents?
Tallgirl.

I fully agree with BeeBee. The challenge is going to be to get the parents to do anything. I know far too many families where the child is clearly having a severe behavioral difficulty of one sort or another, and it is overlooked because their child has to be "perfect."

Good luck, and stay in touch here.

My daughter bites, and occasionally wets her pants (when really stressed). She still wets her pants at night. She doesn't usually successfully bite anyone anymore because we can usually see it coming.
It does sound like there are definitely some sensory issues. We had already read a magazine article describing a boy with AS so when a psychologist whose daughter was in Gymboree with ours approached us we weren't really surprised. She said my daughter either had severe Sensory Integration Dysfunction, Asperger's or both. She also said it was hard to tell at her age (2 1/2) but to take her to an OT for evaluation. We did and they started treating her sensory issues which helped her behavior tremendously. We moved to Alabama and started with a new OT. After a few months, she told us that my daughter wasn't progressing as well as she should be and thought there might be something else and had we heard of Asperger's. We then took her to a psychologist for a formal evaluation.
The Out of Sync Child is a great book on sensory integration disorder. I know its difficult to approach these things. And you're right about how your daughter might take your observations due to the distance. My parents kept telling me that my daughter was perfectly normal and we were just bad parents. I was thinking "How would you know, you've spent a total of 6 hrs with her in the last 2 years," but it sounds like you are much more in touch.
Good Luck. Feel free to PM me if I can help in any way.

Todd

For what its worth, my daughter displayed these behaviors exactly prior to us beginning to address her needs. She still wants a video when she gets really stressed and will sit and stare at it without acknowledging anyone else is in the room.

Sensory Integration Disfunction maybe, but that does not equal Aspergers. My daughter bites too, but she is 15 months old and does when she is very frustrated and has never bit anyone but me, since I am the one who always deals with those situations.

Your granddaughter may have social issues, but those might be incidental to her biting and innapropriate behavior and not because she has AS. I mean, who would want to hang out with a kid that will bite them and wets her pants?

I would recommend Brain Gym and would also recommend that your children see a neuro-educator or a speech pathologist, because they are trained in sensory integration disfunction and can get your granddaughter the referrals she needs.

I use various brain gym excersises every day and they help a lot.

Good luck, but don't be surprised if your children don't listen to you, because a lot of parents rationalize away behavior, because they are worried and don't want anything bad for their children, as I am sure you know. My parents didn't ignore my early warning signs of autism, but they certainly didn't aggresively pursue information or help for me either. They just thought I was different and also chalked up my meltdowns to hypoglycemia and that all meltdowns can be fixed with a peanut butter sandwich and a glass of milk...

Tallgirl.

I would recommend Brain Gym and would also recommend that your children see a neuro-educator or a speech pathologist, because they are trained in sensory integration disfunction and can get your granddaughter the referrals she needs.


An Occupational Therapist is the person who is most likely to diagnosis sensory integration dysfunction. A speech pathologist can help with pragmatics and speech delays. Speech delays can contribute to biting. My son was a biter until we corrected his speech delay. A neuropshycologist can also help but won't neccessarily be able to diagnosis sensory issues either. Technically the diagnosis can't come from an OT but they are the ones who do the testing and then your doctor will officially diagnosis.

Kelly

Interesting...

In my personal experience with a mild-closed head injury and executive functioning issues, I was referred to a speech pathologist, because, while specializing in speech issues, they must have knowledge of how the brain functions, or doesn't in some cases, and how that effects motor skills and behavior. I was studying for the law school exam and I couldn't figure out why I smelled whiskey or urine when I studied...the speech pathologist discovered that my brain processed the test-prep book I was using in an off-way, so I would smell those smells and that is how I was told I had sensory dysfunction issues.

Hence, the reason for recommending a speech pathologist. But to each his own.

Tallgirl.

I was referred to a speech pathologist, because, while specializing in speech issues, they must have knowledge of how the brain functions, or doesn't in some cases, and how that effects motor skills and behavior.


You were fortunate to find a very good pathologist! My daughter's discovered the pragmatics issues with her but when I asked about the sensory dysfunction she had no clue. The OT a friend referred us to discoved the fine and gross motor skill delays, vestibular issues and other sensory issues.