Anger issues with Child

Post Reply New Topic

My 10 year old son has Aspergers. His anger is getting increasingly worse. We use a light/sound timer to help him transition from one task to another. We know certain triggers that can set him off and are proactive with preparing him or trying to avoid this triggers. We use problem solvers tools, OT exercises, massage, and help him calm down. However, none of our strategies are working anymore. Lately, he will just explode into an anger mode that lasts a long time, unless we leave him alone. He is exploding over set rules that have been in place for over a year. Exploding over going to gymnastics, which he loved last year. Since I parttime home school him this has become a huge problem. He only attends public school for 2 hours a day because he has such trouble dealing with sensory and the gen pop. (He was orignally pulled out of school last year because of his anger and the people dealing with him did not kow how to handle an Aspergers child) He is with a different group of people, one on one with a teacher (who is trained for Aspergers), the program is desgined specifically for his needs. He is having these anger outbursts at school now too. The littlest thing is making him scream and meltdown. I am at the end of my rope. I don't know how to help him. Does anyone have any insight as to what is going on with him and any ideas how I deal with this?

It sounds like he doesn't have the words to express his frustration, or know how to use his words well when he's upset, so it's escalating. Can you figure out if there is something that occurs prior to the meltdowns, or if there is some underlying issue that could be upseting him?

Exactly.

And he may also be getting an early onset dose of hormonal changes.

I've noticed with my son that things are constantly shifting. The sensory things that bother him change; his moods change. So much, so much can affect it, and I know that solving the puzzle is overwhelming if not impossible. But you have to keep trying.

Ask your son what he thinks would help prevent the outbursts. He doens't want them anymore than you do, and he may have some valuable insight. He may also label the wrong thing; that all takes time and practice to sort out.

It can't be shortcutted, unfortunately. Observe, talk, try, try again.

Thanks for our insight. He has gotten better with expressing with words, but he still does have issues with that. At least he can say to me "I can't find the words". But I am baffled by his suddenly screaming at me about going to gymnastics in October when we are reviewing our daily schedule. Or kids were walking outside near his class window and he started screaming "They are making me mad, they are spying on me". They were just walking by and not even looking in the room. We following a routine schedule, which helps him, but lately he is difiant and challenges the schedule.

He has hit puberty early as well. We started school two weeks ago, he has done so well, adjusted to the schedule, new teacher, partly home schooled. Until this week, everything is an issue. Normal routine things like eating dinner, bedtime, etc.

Is your son on any medications? I'm not suggesting that he should be, but if he is, puberty and growth spurts can wreak havoc on dosage, and he may need an adjustment.

If there is no medication issue, it could "just" be the anxiety from starting school - it may be "normal" schedule stuff to you, but it's a new group of people, and a different schedule from the summer, so your boy has a lot of adjusting to do. It takes time!

If the issues around thinking people are spying on him continue, you might want to seek professional support. It could be a problem with not understanding social cues, or it could be something else. Either way, you may need a professional to help with it so that you can be the "mommy" while someone else can be the therapist.

I thought about hormonal changes when reading your post, I remember my son having prolonged temper tantrums at the age of 12. It was a stage in his life that he eventually grew out of.
Maybe try to work out an activity (with his input) to help him to cope and feel more calm when he begins to feel too much anger.
I also wonder if something is happening at school, is he been hassled at school at all.

You seem to be a very dedicated and loving mother in wanting the best for your son.

middle school years were hellish. angry outbursts, defiance.....yuck!
although everything that's going on with him may seem related, it might not be. his angry outburst might have nothing to do with not wanting to go to gymnastics. it could be related to something that happened earlier in the day.....my son went through this delayed anger response.