How and when did you tell your child about Asperger's

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My son, who is 7 and in 2nd grade, has been diognosed since the age of 4. My wife and I would like to explain to him what Asperger's is but aren't sure how to or if he is ready to understand it. We are considering letting him read Can I tell you about Asperger's Syndrome and seeing if it leads to any questions or discussions.

How/When did you have "the talk" with your child?

Last edited by embee63 on 04 Oct 2008, 3:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

my son is 6....he knows him and his daddy "think differently" he was diagnosed when he was 4.

for now thats all he needs to know.

i explain observations and interpretations to him and i have told him we are autistic, but he doesnt seem to care.
he does know we are different.

My son was diagnosed at age 7 so telling him about the condition was done as part of the process. He needed to know why he was taking these tests, etc., and what it all meant. He was already well aware that there was a disconnect between how smart he seemed to be, and well he was doing in school, so that was the launching pad.

We told our son that his brain works differently than the brains of other children, and this has benefits and burdens, and that most of the burdens can be adapted or compensated for. He has always been creative, and we were able to note that this ability to think totally outside of the box was one of the benefits. He was having trouble with motor skills, and we explained that this was one of the burdens. As observations come up, we can sort them into one of the boxes. "Why don't kids like to listen to me talk?" can be answered with an explanation that most kids don't have the same level of interest in things as he does (interest level being a benefit) and give silent signals to let you know what they are and are not interested in, and that not seeing these signals is one of the burdens of having a brain that works differently. After which we'll brainstorm strategies for adapting / compensating. I find I rarely use the word Aspergers with my son, I'm not really sure why, expect that maybe the label isn't really important, it is what it means to life that matters.

I think 7 is a very good age with our children to discuss all this openly, because it is when they aware of being different. The more they can understand there is a positive spin to it, the easier it is likely to be for them to accept the challenges.

Heidi was diagnosed at 2.5yo. We've never made anything big of her diagnosis but neither have we hidden it. Occasionally we read "All Cats Have Aspergers" as part of the girls bedtime story routines. Other autism related books we include in the bedtime stories are "Ians Walk" and "Because We're Friends" the first one is about a big sister taking her autistic little brother to the park, the second is about a boy who is friends with a child with autism. Those two are aimed at my NT older daughter.

And some nights we read Dr Seuss because it is fun

I told my son over a very late breakfast immediately after receiving his diagnosis from the pediatrician. I didn't see any reason to wait. He was about 6.5

I've since updated him as I find out things but we generally focus on the positive aspects and ... how to control/reduce the negatives.

He knows that he's special, just like daddy.

All Cats Have Asperger Syndrome and The Blue Bottle Mystery are two good books about Aspergers.

our son found out after we received his dx- he was 13

My son was diagnosed with HFA this summer (he was previously diagnosed with ADHD, chronic motor tic and dysgraphia). He's almost 9. We sat down and read Because We're Friends and All Cats Have Aspergers. He noticed right away that the Autistic boy in the first book sounded a lot like him, and he also commented on the fact that the cats in the second book sounded like him. Because he could relate so well to both books it really gave us a good starting point to talk about it.

Since then we've rarely talked about Autism in so many words, but now he understands why he is very different from other children and I think that helps.

I have 5 children all diagnosed on the spectrum. The first one was ADHD in 1996, I told him straight away when he was 9. I have since studied the AS since and devised a system of interventions to put into place as EARLY as possible. To understand these remarkable beautiful children is to love them. To love them is to support and take the opportunity of learning what makes them tick.

We take away all the nasty labels, Autism, Aspergers, ADHD, DAMP, ODD etc etc blah blah and we replace it with children friendly terms such as jellybeans! Neurotypicals are marshmallows! My kids have been brought up knowing what their weakness and their strengths are. They have had huge inputs from me and school in social skill training. It works, they are amazing and I am so proud of them. To embrace the spectrum and all its wonderful colours and shades is what we try to do. I am proud to be a jellybean even though I may sometimes overheat and turn a bright red shade! I know who I am and my children through much hard work now know who they are. Together we have been on a journey, hard at times but wouldn't change it for the world.

My advice? For what it is worth, tell them STRAIGHT away, but not in a scary way, make it special, make it interesting and spread the word, it is kool to be a jellybean!

For anyone who wants to know more........www.jelibean.com/

No catches, it is all completely free and very easy to implement. Good luck and remember how lucky you are to have a beautiful jellybean son.

Although I wasn't diagnosed until 16, I was suspected of having it since I was 8. My parents put me on an IEP, had tests done on me, etc. But kept me in the dark about all of it. I didn't even know what an IEP was or that I was on one until I was a freshman in high school.

All I have to say is: DON'T DO THAT!

My Daughter is ten when aspergers was first suggested to me, prior to the initial diagnosis, I realised that it screamed her name, she is a bright intelligent individual and very capable so I made the decision to suggest this may be why she was having the difficulties she was having in social environments and particularly at school.
When we got the official diagnosis we discussed it some more.
It was a huge releif to us both that there was a reason for her strange behaviour and social differences, it made us all feel better, you know your child best, so ultimately you alone can make the decision, but your child NEEDS to know that you are open and honest with them and that they can trust and rely on you, because that is not the way they feel about the rest of the world (possibly?) .
All our children are unique talented and stunning individuals, that should lead when you tell them exactly what this means to them and those around them, but the more they know the less isolated they feel!
I can only say telling them bit by bit in chunks they can handle is what i have done, and I think it helps.

ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR SCOOTER! Well said. The earlier you put interventions in with the child's full understanding the better. BUT Scooter is right to do it in tiny bite size chunks as too much information will overload them and then you get nowhere!

Make it FUN. It is KOOL to be on the spectrum! MANY I know that are not and are marshmallows ( neurotypicals) envy our colour, vibrancy, unpredictability and enthusiasm for specific interests. It is NOT bad to be on the spectrum, it is just different. I wish, oh how I wish that I had not had to wait 40 or so years to discover that for a jellybean ( on the spectrum ) I am actually perfectly 'normal'! The signs were there from a very early age now I look back, but noone picked it up, it was left to me to figure out for myself and even then my family don't understand! Makes sense really as they are on the spectrum too ( not that they would ever admit to it!!)

TELL EM AS YOUNG AS POSS! Let them know WHO they are and why they are so special. For every jellybean there is in the world, there is a diamond lurking inside. You just got to polish it up a bit!

www.jelibean.com/

I am on a two month waiting list to see a specialist. Once I have the date I am going to have to talk to him as to why we are going (will do it a day of two before the appointment).

I have at the ready for after the appointment 'All cats have Aspergers'. I came across it on another site (livejournal) and all the Aspies there had fond memories of it.

A good book for you and your child is Freaks, Geeks and Aspergers, written by Luke Jackson a 13 year old AS. It doesn't get bogged down in the science and is easy to read.

We just got All Cats... today and will be reading it before bed tonight. No discussion is in the works, just reading for now.