Wondering what's next

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Hi - I just found your site and I am grateful it is here.

My son is almost 4. His preschool teacher just suggested that we get some assistance for his social skills, because he only plays alone at school and has trouble conversing with the other kids (even though he has always been advanced verbally). He tends to repeat the question and not listen to the answer. He makes eye contact and converses with adults, but does not seem inclined to play with other kids. We both work full time, so he does not get that many play dates, and his brother is only 19 months old, so they play together a little, but not that much yet.

When he was a baby he got around in this weird spinning motion before he learned to crawl or walk (I mention that because I read once about unusual locomotion and a connection to autism spectrum disorders). When he was 2, he used to arrange his toys into these massive sculptures and go ballistic if something fell out of place or got put away. He still gets very upset over things like this. Just the other night he became hysterical because he needed us to leave the downstairs lights on when we all went upstairs to bed.

He is an expert on cars, and can identify most makes and models by sight in pictures or on the road. He hardly ever zooms his cars around though; he either lines them up in big straight lines or fashions additional parts for them (spare tires, gas caps, etc.) Now he is interested in musical instruments, and is making detailed models out of clay, complete with keys, valves, etc. He spends most of his time doing things like this.

We filled out the request for assistance forms at school, and will have a meeting with the psychologist after that. I am wondering what to expect next. He is already in public preschool (not the special ed class but the all-day class 2 days a week), so that is why these resources are there. My husband and I just feel a little scared and sad and not sure about what will happen. Do you think we are looking at AS? What is the best thing we, as parents, can do now?

sorry for the long post, and thanks for being there.

Welcome to WrongPlanet! I wish I could have driven when I was four. How many cars does he have?

Thanks for the welcome. This seems like a nice supportive group of people.

He drives only plastic kid-sized cars. He lines up the hundreds of hot wheels and die cast cars that are underfoot in my house. (Did you do that when you were 4?)

Welcome to the Wrong Planet.

Just be supportive to You Son that will be important Him always an all things will be alright. You must care for Your Son very much. Hope the school can help You and Your Son.

I did. We had a multi-colour spiral rug in the living room and I used to line up the Hot Wheels bumper to bumper along the colour bands...

Yeah, but I prefered batteries and blocks to cars. And I still like to line things up. It doesn't matter how messy the surrounding area is, as long as certain objects are in a line with exactly 1.5 inches between them, I am perfectly fine. It drives my mother CRAZY!

it sure sounds like you're looking at aspergers...........make certain that you have a concise record of his developmental milestones ( this will help you fill out some of the forms that the psychologist will have you fill out). also, even if things you want to say about your son seem inconsequential ~ say them.....you'd be surprised how many inconsequential statements ( to us) resulted in our son getting an asperger diagnosis.

[/quote]We both work full time, so he does not get that many play dates, and his brother is only 19 months old, so they play together a little, but not that much yet.

[/quote]

from my own experience, it is very easy to want to downplay the things your son does differently ~ DON'T. even if your son doesn't have that many playdates, if was NT, he would still be VERY interested in playing with you or your husband all of the time....my NT son wanted to play with us all of the time when he was little~ and i thought he was the problem, not my aspie boy who always played quietly by himself

and last but not least, if he is truly aspergers, his difficulty with social skills has nothing to do with your ability to parent. difficulty with social interaction is one of the main features of aspergers. with help things can get better. good luck !

Thank you so much for the replies.

It is funny, because my house is usually extremely messy, which doesn't bother my son - as long as one of us (especially his little brother!) doesn't knock a car out of the lineup. And yeah, his little brother wants our attention all the time, while my older son sometimes just says, "Please go away, mommy. I want to be by myself." Which I totally understand, honestly, as I am an introvert and need down time from people too.

I am glad to know that if he is diagnosed (seems likely?) he will be able to connect with others who share his experience.

Our spiral rug was in the kitchen, I would line them up by color, size, and style.

Hi and welcome!
I have an 18 yr old AS son. Your son is doing many of the things he did. Your first step should be to have him get evaluated by a reputable child psychiatrist or psychologist. Then you will have a diagnosis and can go from there. Your ability to understand your child is half the battle. If he has AS his social needs will be different than other kids. His learning needs will be different too. But as long as he has your love and support he will be OK. My son is now a freshman in college and doing well. He will never be like his peers, but that's OK. He's a wonderful person just as he is.

My AS son is almost 4 and many of the same traits as yours. He loves cars as well and has been able to identify models since he was about 2. I've grown to appreciate his funny quirks even more since the DX. He's also very particular about lights.

Good Luck,

acsdad

Wow, it's interesting to find out someone else's son does the same thing with cars! My 10yo aspie son has done that since he was able to sit up alone. He'd never EVER push them and make Vrooom noises, he'd simply line them up around the edge of our rectangle coffeetable, until it made a complete rectangle. Over the years, he has accumulated hundreds of Hot Wheels and loves them.

Now, he has moved to the dragon/castle playsets - the ones with hundreds of little men, with little swords/shields, etc. Again, he doesn't make them fight, talk, or portray any emotion or action. He just lines them all up, complete with all their accesories.

And just like New2this's son, my son always does his playing in his room, alone. If you pop your head in, he immediately stops his playing and gives you this look like "what do you want? can't you see I am playing alone and having a good time?"....I used to take it personally back when he was younger but have sinced learned that it's nothing personal - my aspie just needs his downtown from other people - unlike me, the social butterfly.

I have come to love the quirks about my son that are aspie traits. At first they could be frusterating (his insistance on taking the exact same meal for lunch EVERYDAY throughout the schoolyear) or his inability to understand metaphors, sarcasm, jokes, etc. But as I have learned more and more about AS (especially through this wonderful website) I have come to see how truly wonderful and blessed my son is and how blessed I am to have him. It's just a matter of learning how to look at the world through their eyes....and this website helps parents who are not Aspies to do that.