hello- i need help 12 yo undiagnosed

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I'll try to condense this, My 12 yo son definately appears on the spectrum My wife is in special ed and lots of SPED folks come in contact with him and make that DX. He is from my first marriage. I see him on weekends. His mom is in denial.

He recently got in a fight at school and that allowed me to get in some dialogue with the right people that may result in him getting tested.

Not sure what my questions are but I have lots.

First is, i'd like to hear from some AS people about how they felt when they first learned of the DX? Relief? Or something else?

Thanks

Dave

Relief, yes - that the difficulties and differences that had gotten me labeled "odd" all my life and made it hopelessly difficult to function in analien society were not personal defects, but simply an atypical brain function - and that there are many others who struggle with the same issues. For someone younger, it might have been discouraging to realize that it's never going to change, but at 49, I'd already come to terms with that.

I was diagnosed at 15 (I’m 16 now), and yes, I felt a lot of relief! Before being diagnosed (and I think this is applicable for many of us), I was often labeled by teachers and even doctors and psychiatrists as “mentally disturbed,” “weird,” “disrespectful” (one teacher kept insisting that I was making faces at her), or “inattentive.” A different teacher told other students to stay away from me because I was a “bad apple.” Being diagnosed gave me (and them) a better explanation, made me feel better about myself, and gave us a chance to improve the circumstances (such as loud noises, close physical contact, vague verbal instructions, etc.) that were causing some of my problems.

I was diagnosed at 12( I'm 23 currently)--and in my experience diagnosis made things alot easier. For one thing, simply being able to name my difficulties made it easier to obtain tools to deal with them--Be it formal services or generating my own ideas for coping strategies. For another, it helped me see that my worth was not attached to the words people used to describe my behavior.

On a side note, the current DSM diagnosis for Autism and Aspergers was developed to evaluate children much younger than 12. (Toddlers, kindergarten age as I recall) So it may be helpful to bear in mind that depending on how your son displays his traits, that may effect what diagnosis he gets and what they do about it. Although, obvious actions such as aggression will definitely draw enough adult attention that he will not fade into the background.

Hope this helps