my son is regressing

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attacking my spelling is really f*****g mature, i am upset so sorry if i'm not being gramatically correct.
i REALLY was paying attention to everyone in the room, i was there to observe how he is in that situation as i have not seen it before, and i would never, ever call one of his meltdowns, f*****g up, no way dude, thats disrespectful and i respect my son to the fullest.
he is never punished for his outbursts, he is understood and supported.
i'm sorry you had such a bad experience, that must have been awful, but i am here to make sure my son has the best school and childhood experience possible. i'm sorry if this offends you in any way.
also, do you have children??? if not, why in the parents forum??? just cause you are stil angry about your childhood and want to take it out on someone.
i did not come on here to complain about my son but to get advice on how to better handle him. so if you can provide any advice of that nature then i am wide open, if not, then please just go away and vent to someone else, i do not deserve it.

he is not being bullied.
am not ignorant of his surroundings or of anyone that he comes in contact with
i understand life can be difficult for kids like you and my son which is why i'm here asking for advice as well as exploring many other avenues in how to help and understand him.
i could care less, he is not being bullied and if he was i'd do more than care, i'd stamp it out
thanks for your concern

It sounds like to me that he's becoming overwhelmed. While this may be obvious, has there been anything done to help him before he melts down? Does he have a place to time out, or something he can do to calm himself? Do you think the amount of work is demanding or the type of work is difficult?

Sorry, if I ask a lot of questions. I tend to do that because it's the easiest way to see what the actual issue is. I believe you when they say there is no bullying, but do you think he feels pressured by his peers? I had a problem in college with test taking because I felt pressure to go as fast as everyone else in the classroom. No one in the classroom put this pressure on me, but I did to myself. I still have a tendency to put really high standards on myself and those around me.

Just some thoughts. I haven't gotten to this stage with my kids yet, so I'm trying to remember from my own experiences.

yes, his teachers think, and from what i saw yesterday, ii think that his is overwhelmed, not only be the work but also the extra stimulation by class mates. in january we are visiting a school that provides special education classes which are smaller and individually tailored to the child and his needs. also, i think that he is getting to an age that he gets angry for getting frustrated and loosing control and then anger and his loss of control and the realisation that the other children do not do this. i'm just so worried about him.

I have never been a huge fan of inclusion for the sake of inclusion. Sometimes our children really do need a more tailored program. If you feel he would do better in a self contained room, it might be a good idea. On the other hand, if you really feel like he could benefit from staying where he's at, there are things that can be done.

From what I can tell, with the limited knowledge I have of you and your son, it might be worth looking into a way to get him out of the classroom when he gets overwhelmed, but not when he's melting down. Even something as simple as going out to get a drink of water. If this isn't really reasonable, then perhaps, getting him some fidgets, and allowing for him to use a PECS picture to let the teacher and aides know that he needs a small break. This would be something that he wouldn't feel like he stands out as he doesn't have to approach anyone with it. But maybe just putting the PECS on his desk will let the teachers know he's getting overwhelmed.

This is more of an idea from a memory of my own. In 4th grade, I had a terrible time concentrating if the room was a little more "crazy" than normal. We were supposed to each come up with an invention. Mine was the "Sssshhhh machine." It was a way to let the class know that they just needed to be quiet for a few minutes. Of course, I didn't have the electrical understanding I have now, so was laughed at. (And wouldn't you know it, they have these for classrooms now. They just come in a stop light form see here.)

Just some thoughts..

The term 'regressing' posits an assumption that one can outgrow or be cured of autism, which is a naive approach to begin with. If his behavior has remained more calm that it used to be, for some time now, that's great - it simply means his environment has been more stress-free. Personally, the very words "Christmas party" are enough to spiral me into a meltdown. Holidays! Winter darkness! Groups of people! Enforced participation in social ritual! Auuuugh!! !

I would say overwhelmed also.

Was the classroom filled with echo's of the childrens noise? I find a simple thing like the amount of noise reducing materials in the room can make a huge impact on how my daughter reacts. One PreSchool had no carpets and few soft furnishings and she couldn't be in the room for longer than 2 minutes with other children there. Another PreSchool had lots of carpets, bean bags and other soft furnishings around as well as noisy absorbing ceiling tiles and she was very happy to be indoors the entire PreSchool session.

Actually, NO!! The "regression" could be because of diet, or thoughts/pain/discomfort triggered by the area, etc.... In such a case, it is NOT regression. AND, in either case, it has NOTHING to do with your parenting skills.

Last edited by 2ukenkerl on 20 Dec 2008, 4:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Well, it certainly FELT like it, and my ears DID have blood coming out, etc... I constantly turn my head and plug my ears EVEN with the plane's PA system. SO, while they weren't actually needles, it is the only way to get across to some people how it feels. Though my mother remembers my attempt, I never managed to make it clear to her how the alarm at my school, when I was about 6 REALLY hurt me.

BTW Bullys often DON'T let the "authorities" know. There is an unwritten code that you can't let others know. Those that break the code my find they are hurt WORSE! So don't be so quick to believe otherwise.

Ooops sorry ,I misunderstood you. I took you literally. I thought someone actually did that. You were just making a figure of speech. I do this all the time. I take things to literal.

E & Z, while it's important for parents to understand how things appeared to you as children, you can't assume that your experiences are her child's. I know people here can get very emotional by some points in posts, but it's tough for us parents to take at times, because it usually is misplaced.

Krista, I'm voting for overwhelmed, as well, plus perhaps there is simply difficulty adjusting. Remember that spectrum children don't deal well with change and things that don't go as expected, and there is a lot of both happening to him right now. Another school will be another change, and if you haven't gotten to the bottom of the issue before then, it could make things worse.

It is also common for AS kids to freeze and regress at different developmental stages, so there may be no trigger at all. He may be developing right now in a way that isn't apparent, and diverting inner energies towards that.

I think having various experts do classroom observations is a good idea. They should be looking for subtle signs of conflict with the other kids, possible sensory issues unique to that location, if the teachers are giving adequate instructions for transitions, etc. Is there a set schedule and is it followed? Do things in the classroom environment change frequently? All these can negatively affect an AS child, while seeming inconsequential to us. Is he visually sensitive? Is the room lit differently than preschool, is there more on the walls? And so on. Look at it all, and try to see it from his perspective. For that, E & Z might be able to provide more ideas. After all, it's adults like them that helped me develop the list I've posted.

Sounds like he's overwhelmed and/or has sensory overload. My son was like this at that age and he still gets frustrated and overwhelmed (he is 9, 4th grade, Asperger's).

Being overwhelmed can be from many different factors. It's different for each child.

My son becomes frustrated when certain demands are placed on him, transitioning, schedule change, sensory overload, etc. etc. We need to look at the point BEFORE he becomes frustrated and a coping mechanism or behavior begins. Only then can we begin to help my son navigate through changing his coping mechanism/communication tool to deal with his frustration in a more appropriate manner.

My son has extremely sensitive hearing. He cannot block out regular room noise or background noise. This causes him to get frustrated and not be able to concentrate on his work. He also has Strabismus (a visual defect in which one eye cannot focus with the other on an object because of imbalance of the eye muscles), extremely sensitive to light (he keeps his sunglasses with him all the time), and depth perception difficulties. Certain smells will make him throw up. And he has always had extreme sensory tactile defensiveness.

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Children with Aspergers have difficulty managing their emotions, particularly with recognizing and understanding feelings and expressing their emotions appropriately. AS children usually have intense feelings that often overwhelm them – this is caused by their lack of emotional aptitude.

Neurotypicals have ‘emotional competence’, which allows them to manage their interactions with others more effectively - they find ways to cope and adjust their behavior to better suit the current situation.

Asperger's children are usually impulsive, which deprives them of the ability to think things through and see the consequences of their actions. They do not recognize the physical reactions of emotions such as fear or excitement, as being signs of emotion, and so they miss vital clues that would enable them to regulate their feelings.

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I assume that you have had a full educational evaluation completed through the school??? If so, this must have included an Occupational Therapy eval. Also -- was your son evaluated by a Neuropsychologist to determine specifically where his strengths and weaknesses are?? And to have a better idea of his cognitive functioning?? The school evaluation is just a beginning. A neuropsychologist evaluation will give you much more information.

Our school refused to give Occupational Therapy, so we ended up paying for that out-of-pocket for two years. It was SO worth it. We have also been going to a Behavior Therapist (also out-of-pocket) that specializes working with children on the spectrum. She is working on recognizing emotions in other people as well as himself. And we also take him to two different social skills groups -- which he loves.

I've noticed you've insisted on a couple of threads here that parents treat their children autocratically. That is, step and say, "I'm the parent, you will do what I want!" It seems you are forgetting we're dealing with children who have Asperger's Syndrome. Children who not only will be confused, and upset by having a parent who tyrannizes over them, but children who also will wonder why their parent gets to behave like a spoilt brat, while condemning the same behavior in them.

Also society can find plenty of "faults" in Aspie or Autie children, do they really need to be told they have faults in their own home when they get it from the rest of the world?

Maybe it is because I AM different, but I often wonder if parents just become senile or something, and forget what it was like when they were kids. I DIDN'T! MANY kids had problems like this, not just AS kids. HECK, my mother blamed me for eating cookies that were never even touched! I was accused of not turning in papers that I DID! To punish a person without talking to them is MORONIC, no matter WHAT the relation. I don't care if you are the queen of england, and the other person is your grandchild out of wedlock.

Some that experience it then mirror it. It is the behavior they learn to model, it is the "right" way. :/ It was horrible and miserable but they don't transcend the abuse to break the cycle, they just take their turn dishing it out.

P.S. I really hope, for the sake of his purported GF and her child, that krammer1 is just an internet troll being contrary. While he's close enough to the real deal to send my skin crawling (my oldest son once, at age 2 before he was talking, came back from the house of the ex's then BF with finger shaped bruises from his waist to the back of his knees) there is something a little too cliche, a little too over-the-top. Yeah there are people out there like krammer1, so he could be real. I'm just not convinced of it.