"I'm BORED!! ! What am I going to do???"

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Perhaps it's easier to say they ARE entitled to video games, but it's only possible right now for them to play with other stuff. I see where everyone is coming from in here now too.


Always be positive. "No" is a negative word.

Phew, you two worked it out!

Violet, you make a very good point emphasizing that with AS kids, reasoning is often the best discipline technique. It certainly has been for my 11 year old son. But that hasn't taken away the need for limits and consequences, just reduced the sorts of things I need to apply that with.

Jim, I think the limits you've discussed here have been quite fair and reasonable. I get the impression you love and understand this child, and are doing your best.

As for conflict ...

Well, I would say it is very AS to understand things in a very specific way. AS can be a very narrow way of thinking, when it comes to life situations, and by necessity that will involve assumptions arising from personal experience. I've had to patiently go round and round with my son more than a few times. And I've had to patiently do the same on these forums at times. It's important for us to understand how it happens, and to learn to communicate more clearly, to resolve it all faster. I put the responsibility for that on us, as the ones who society claims have the communication and social skills (am I allowed to think that way? Or should I rephrase or rethink?), but it really is a learning process for everyone, just as it was for Jim and Violet in this thread.

How are parents supposed to punish their kids then if they can't take anything away?


My mother took my bike away, my Barbie dolls when I was growing up. She also took away computer and video games. What did it teach me? To listen and obey and rules are rules. It also taught me it's what you do to your kids when they don't listen or they disobey you. My mother would threaten to take things away if I didn't do my homework or stop teasing my brothers, etc. They do get their items back when their punishment is up.

I used to take things away from my brothers when they were little because I was punishing them but my mother had to tell me that was her job, not mine. Only parents can do that, not kids. I used to treat my own brothers like my own children instead of brothers because I copied my mother. She had to explain to me what was her job and what wasn't mine.


All parents need to do is explain to their aspie kids what parents can do what kids can't do and that they both have different rules. Just like school has different rules than your own home does. At school you are not allowed to throw snow balls but at home you can, you cannot twist on the swings at school but at home you can (unless your parents also forbid it on your swingset).


Lot of kids figure out on their own parents have different rules than kids so they know what not to do to their siblings because they know it's not their job vs an aspie child thinking you can punish other kids, hit them, slap them, because that is what they learned from their parents but they don't know rules are different for their parents and rules are different for them. So they need an explination so they know. This is from my own experiance.

I see so your desire to teach through parental theivery is a family issue. How about I just say this plan and simple. You are being lazy parents, you are taking shortcuts to actually teaching your son real moral and important lessons about being social. All your son is learning is you are bigger than him, and can bully over him. Feel free to respond, since frankly this is going in circles. I don't find your style of parenting the least bit defensible, however I can see where it would benefit you. So please, stop coming here and playing martyr and acting like your son is unreasonable. He is because you made him that way. You raised him as unfeeling and un-empathetic parents. You don't treat people by making everything they desire a privilage.

You made your own bed, now you have to lie in it. I'm sorry, this wasn't the "Poor little baby, we understand" type of parenting forum you were looking for.

I thought personal attacks weren't allowed on Wrongplanet. Better get the mods over here.

From what I have learned from Jimbeaux's posts here he is acting in a very caring, consistent and responsible way towards his girlfriend's son. All children have to learn that their actions have consequences - positive and negative.

A large part of parenting involves preparing a child for the next stage of their development and ultimately for adulthood. Jimbeaux has demonstrated, to me at least, that he is doing his utmost to ensure that this boy becomes a responsible, thoughtful and caring person who will be able to achieve his potential as an adult. You can't do that by letting a child do exactly what they want, when they want.

Jimbeaux is sensitive to this boy's needs and is also seeking to ensure that the boy has, and understands, limits and boundaries. He is providing a framework within which they can grow and develop as a family and as individuals. And I think he's doing a great job!