A question for parents of aspies

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Hi, new here.

For years, I've been wondering if my son (now 6) has mild asperger's. His "symptoms" seem to intensify in certain situations, but are always there a little bit. He plays obsessively, often with parts of things. He draws house plans over and over again. Draws electrical appliances with cords and circuit boards. Pretends to be an electrical appliance (a fan or airconditioner etc) over and over. Doesn't like to share, nor to lose, nor to listen to anybody else's way of doing things. Gets really upset when out of routine. Cries over small changes. Can't read social cues well: always getting too close. He seems almost naive socially, almost like he's playing at having friends the way some kids play at being adults.

But he's enormously loving and very emotional. His emotions seem out of sync with the world though. Sometimes he'll cry for the dead fish on his dinner plate, but feel no remorse at biting his sister. He has no learning difficulties; in fact, he's very bright and is reading well etc.

We are reluctant to "label" him, but if he needs help we should get it, right? I'm very confused and more than a little sad. The last 2 weeks, to be frank, he's been a nightmare. He gets an idea in his head and it won't budge, and we've been locking horns repeatedly.

All comments welcome.

If you are concerned, have him tested.

He sounds much like me at that age. If he is dealing with Aspergers, you'll be the one who'll need to do the most adapting (initially). You'll have to learn to play the game with his rules, not the usual ones. But it's doable. Your son can grow up to have a good life. At this point, it looks like he'll end up working as a mechanical engineer!

For what it is worth, I have often drawn floor plans. As for drawing appliances, I HAVE imagined pictorals(a precursor to schematics) and schematics. I have drawn schematics for circuitry. If he is doing that kind of thing, and otherwise relatively able, the sky is the limit. Architect, engineer, technical writer, etc...

Welcome!

Your son sound very like my 7 year old boy in many ways. My son has been waiting for a year now to be assessed and during that time some of his traits have intensified and others have emerged. His school and the various professionals who've been working with him while we wait for a diagnosis (Speech and Language Therapist and Educational Psychologist) agree informally that he is Aspie.

If I were you, I'd get him checked out.

My attitude to the whole "label" thing is that is no more than a description and acknowledgement of who my son is. My dearest wish is for my son to achieve his full potential, and he will need more help than others to be able to do that. At a recent meeting with my son's teachers and the ed. psych. they concluded by telling me that my son will go far and achieve great things - he just needs a bit of help along the way.

Think of the process of diagnosis as a positive thing, a journey which will involve your whole family. You will find out more about yourself as well as your son, and you will have a greater understanding of what he does and why. You will learn about him and in turn learn about yourself as you are better able to relate to him, and to each other.

Good luck and stay in touch.

Why would you be reluctant to "label" him? My parents knew something was a bit off with me, but felt the same way you did-- didn't want to label me, and just thought of me as a bit different. So I spent my whole childhood trying to figure out what was wrong with me. By middle school I fell into some bad depression-- I knew something was "wrong" with me but I didn't know what it was. It took until highschool and I was having so many problems I couldn't stay in the school because I didn't have an IEP or anything and I was failing and not attending. The teachers just thought I was lazy and did things that just made everything worse. That was when my mother brought up the possibility of me having Asperger's, but at that point I just refused to listen to her and I'm just now going to get evaluated soon...

Really, I wish I were "labeled" sooner. It would have made things so much easier. I don't understand why someone would "fear" a label.

I can understand the fear of a label, but the reality is that you want what's best for your child- often school systems will not help out your kid without a label.....heck, sometimes it's hard to get the system to help even with a label.
what does his school say about this ?

I think that you should get your son tested. If it does turn out that he's on the spectrum, you should accept your son as he is, because acceptance is the best cure.

It sounds like your son could use a little help with "pragmatic" speech: that is where you learn the concepts of give and take, etc. Speech is one of the major services AS kids get; I would never have thought it, but, then, I hadn't heard of pragmatic speech before it became a qualifier for my son.

It can be hard to tell with a six year old, if there is AS, because 6 year old boys can be quite normal and still be stubborn with underdeveloped social skills. It will depend on how strongly you feel he may need services like speech and also OT (sensory issues; possible motor skills issues). Our hook into getting our son evaluated had more to do with bridging the gap between intelligence and ability to survive at school than any idea we thought he might actually be AS. We just knew there was SOMETHING he needed help with.

Finally, in the modern understanding of AS, emotions and a desire for interaction can be quite common. The issue is one of appropriateness more than desire. My son is hyper-emotional at times, and also so hyper-social that he regularly invades personal space.

Sounds like HFA.

I would get your son tested and not worry about the label. When my son was diagnosed it opened so many doors for me, and gave me direction. I don't "treat" the autism, I "treat" the symptoms that he has difficulties with individually, and I encourage learning as much about what he is good at as possible (his is math). Because of this diagnosis, I have met many people who have given me good advice and information and my son is benefiting from it greatly. The sooner you work through these difficulties the better off he will be. My son sounds almost exactly like yours. He has PDD-NOS.

Definitely get him tested, but make sure you find someone who knows what he or she is doing - an educational psychologist, experienced with AS would be good. Then read everything you can about AS and other related neurological conditions. Raising this child will take every bit of patience and wisdom you can muster, but it will be worth it!! He will need your help to learn to get along in the world, and every day makes a difference.