Does anyone use "time out" for tantrums?

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I use it for my younger NT child, but for my older autistic one (8yo), it won't work unless I isolate him in a room with a timer. But even then, he's supervised from around the corner or right outside his door. Does anyone else try this? Are you successful? But I usually don't have to do this because his tantrumings are tolerable enough to wait out or ignore right then and there. I know others in public are appalled, but I generally just ignore them.

I don't have any children so i can't give you any advice, but i'm glad you don't worry about what everyone else in public might think of you. If ignoring a tantrum in public works for you, then use it, your tantrum slingin' 8 yo might just want attention and getting it by throwing a tantrum is a bad way to reinforce his behavior. I grew up with spankings, and time outs never worked for me when I babysat, I guess I'm not an authority figure when it comes to kids

We use time outs as our primary form of discipline, but melt-downs we don't consider to be in the same category as misbehavior. For melt-downs we usually hug, rock, or swing him around (that may seem weird but it calms him down well). We also try to give him something like orange juice or fruit because a lot of his meltdowns are triggered by low blood sugar.

If it is just a normal-kid tantrum about something like not getting to pick out donuts at the grocery store, we do disciple that the same way as other misbehavior, just a time-out when we get home.

My AS son never really had tantrums; he had meltdowns. Times when expectation and reality failed to meet up, or times when he was overloaded sensory wise, and he just couldn't cope.

While time outs are our primary form of discipline, even before I knew our son was AS, and before I realized the difference between meltdowns and tantrums, I had a tendency to try to get him out of the situation. "Go to your room so you can calm yourself down." "Sit in my lap over here until you can get yourself together." I think the language is important, that the emphasis be on obtaining self-control. And, yes, long run it's been successful. I think - it all gets combined with so many other things and conversations, etc., that you don't always know exactly what the key point has been. Probably all of it - helping our kids grow up is a multi-angled process.

There was a period when we had to holding time outs (although I didn't use that term to him) because he got so destructive when in meltdown. I would sit him on my lap facing forward and pin his arms, telling him that I was going to hold him until he was calm enough that I knew he would be safe. The whole thing made him angrier, but in a way that also accelerated the whole process, getting him into calm faster. It often seemed to me that there just was so much negative energy to get out, and struggling against my hold helped him that. Now, however, he is far too large and far too strong, but has also advanced to where he can divert most meltdowns (he does need the grown ups around him to be a partner in this, not questioning him when he says he needs to leave a situation, for example).

I hope the above makes sense; I seem to be a very rambling mode today.

I kind of do time-outs. We use the couch, or if it is loud around the couch they are put upstairs.

For the no-no things, they sit on the couch for one minute per each year of age (double if it was doing the same thing RIGHT after getting off the couch.)

For boo-boos I do a: "Awww, I bet that hurt, why don't you go sit on the couch until it feels better." You'd be surprised how fast our boo-boos heal. (I do check for blood, but that cry is normally different.)

For the melt-down/shut-downs (my child has somewhat of a more partial shut-down approach) I take him upstairs and put him on his bed. I sit with him a couple of moments, then when I know he'll be okay, I tell him that as soon as he is calm he can come back down stairs and finish (whatever he was doing/ trying to do.) if he wishes.

We have used "time outs" for some time. I did do the one minute per year of age. They only work sometimes for us.

We had a behavioral specialist come to the house. He showed us how to do "new time outs." I take my son to our recliner and place him there. I ask him why he is there, if he does not reply, I tell him why he is there. I explain why his behavior was unacceptable and if it applies, how he should have handled the situation. I make him count to 10 and relax. Once he has calmed down I let him up.

This has worked with both my high functioning autistic boys. They are 8 and 3. Good Luck!!

I hear what most of you are saying...you discriminate between meltdowns and tantrums. But my son's tantrums can easily escalate to meltdowns. The continuous hearing of "no" will do that to him. He's gotten better as he's grown older. In the past, I could repeat myself over and over and my son would still kick and scream on the floor or worse, try get the thing he was fiending for. But now I can use a firm voice without looking at him and just insist that he cannot have whatever it is he wants. Although, he'll still try to hunt for it. I end up having to hide lots of stuff to keep it out of his reach -- fruit snack packs, screwdrivers, batteries. My son has this fixation with electrical toys and gadgets. He has this yearning to open them up, remove and dispose of the batteries.

But I have to admit, confining him to a specific space in a room or his bedroom is almost impossible unless my husband is there. I could tell him to stay in his room, but he'll just run out. We've had to put a chain on the front door just for that reason. But he tries to sneak a chair over there when he thinks I'm not watching. He doesn't hit or strike others when he's mad, but he'll bowl you over if you're standing in his way of something. He won't stop unless there's someone larger than him.

If something ever happened to my husband, I don't know what I'd do to handle my son. He may soon over-power me.

Thanks for your suggestions. For my 2 yo NT daughter the different time out methods will work great. I can still scoop her up with arm. But my 8 yo AS son, he's a work in progress.

Whats the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown?

Tantrums or meltdowns?

Meltdowns are in my opinion much more powerful.

Tantrum for example, 'Can I have an ice cream? Answer No! Stamps feet and throws themself on floor cross.

Meltdown is a total physical and emotional snow storm. You can see the difference!! In a meltdown the sufferer is unable to control themselves, they cannot hear, see or feel properly their whole body appears to be shut off from the rest of the world. What appears to be anger or aggression is actually fear unlike a tantrum

Well that is just my perception of it anyway! I would give time out for a tantrum but would never PUNISH a meltdown, it is neurological IN MY OPINION.

For my 3.5yo son,
a tantrum is when he cant have something he wants; he will throw himself on the floor and cry...doesnt last very long.

A meltdown; I can see a difference...Usually because he cant control the environment around him ie different path home, sister crying etc; He is shaking with hands up to his ears, screaming, crying, and nothing you do can get him out of it, until he is ready.

I can definatley see a difference between the both for DS, but I guess they are all different and sometimes hard to read.

Time out never worked for him... this made him very fearful. I could never sit him on a cushion in the same room either, so I stopped doing that pretty quickly.

I've reverted to removing a special toy for a certain period of time ie a full day, sometimes a week depending on how unaceptable his behaviour was, and what the reason was behind it.

Anyways, I've rambled on.... Good luck with it all.

My son is 10 and I send him to his room when he uses bad language or tries to boss me around. He will stay in his room though, even though he hates it. I don't use any physical force to get him in his room or for him to stay there.

When he attempts to leave his room or if he keeps up the offending behavior, I use a bigger threat. I'll ask him, "Do you want to lose your video games for the rest of the day?" That usually works and he'll do the timeout. Sometimes I have to take away the video games and escalate it to some other thing before I get compliance. But, most times, he just does the timeout these days and comes out much calmer after the fact.

I would suggest that you discipline your son if he runs at people. You said he will bowl you over if you are in his way and you aren't bigger than him. That kind of behavior will get him into more trouble than he can handle if he tries to run through the wrong person.

Personally if I ever have to take anything away from my kids, like time out with mates, mobile phone, computer time etc, I ALWAYS give them the opportunity to EARN IT BACK. That way you turn a negative into a postive. No good punishing ALL the time, it doesn't work and just escalates the problem. Earning pocket money back etc is a GOOD feeling and is a win win situation. Well my experience anyway!

I HATE isolating my kids, only if they are at risk of beating each other up do I separate and segregate.
But that is just my way!

We used time outs with moderate success when my sons were little. They do not work at all anymore. My sons will take quiet alone time if they need it, but being forced to go to their room as a punishment leaves them feeling isolated and angry. We find that as they get older we use less and less punishments (beyond natural consequences for bad choices), when we do need to use one we usually take away video game/computer time or dessert.

Big difference between tantrums and meltdowns for my guys too. They haven't had tantrums for years, but when they did it was all about expressing anger and trying to get their own way in a situation. Meltdowns are often triggered by anger, but are a total breakdown in control and not an attempt to manipulate in any way. They are just so overloaded that they explode. I didn't always know the difference between the two when they were little, and I feel bad now that we sometimes punished them when they were melting down.

Jelibean Yes IKWYM about earning it back ... My kids always get their things back once they have shown good behaviour...

I'm extremely fair, and they're only punished with removal of toy for example when they hurt each other... I dont punish for trivial reasons. I always sit my kids down and tell them what is right and wrong and why we dont do certain things... I'm consistent and never let any bad behaviour go unnoticed. Or GOOD behaviour for that matter;I always reward good behaviour verbally or with a treat... "you were kind to your sister today" or "you helped mummy today" or "you listened well today" etc

2PreciousSouls love your style, wish more parents were like you! I always run with the rule............55mins of bad behaviour can be wiped out by 5mins of good behaviour. Praise and positive comments do far more than shouting and punishment. Many of these kids DON'T mean to be bad! They are as cheesed off with it as the adults! They actually are trying their very best to please and love it when they get praised.

Isolation and exclusion is the worst thing to do to these kids when they have had a meltdown! Would you deny a epileptic (my son prefers that term) a bed to sleep after a seizure? So why throw a kid into a room and MAKE them sit there doing something that their bodies and brains are unable to do? Invisible? No it is quite apparent that a meltdown is as uncomfortable to watch as it is to experience. Why do teachers and some parents think it is an enjoyable experience? No kid or adult I have ever spoken to enjoys them? They are actually terrified of them. So let's be gentle eh.

Yes I know what you mean.

DS started pre kindy last week and at the meeting the teachers said that they use time out with bad behaviour for example screaming.... I explained that my son was in the process of diagnosis of asd, and that he screams alot and when he does this it means that he is actually terrified, not naughty...I certainly dont want him punished for being terrified...I couldnt think of anything worse! Its easy for some to assume that the child is being naughty when in fact, its their way of expressing fear etc.