living with a child with Asperger's has led to discovery

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About a year ago I started dating a woman with a 9 year old child. We talked on the phone every night for weeks. We hit it off on the first night we met in person, and quickly became close.

Right away she told me about her son, and how he was a little "different". She began telling me about some of his little "quirks", and how he was diagnosed with Asperger's. After the first few times we went out, she really wanted me to meet her son. She kept laughing at some of the strange little things I did (that didn't seem so strange to me), and kept saying "I have one of you at home!"

After about a year of dating, they moved in with me. It was a decision that we did not take lightly, and her son's well being was our primary focus.

In the beginning, all I knew of Asperger's was that he was highly intelligent, he had a lot of quirky little habits (making little weird noises, rocking, singing a very repetitive tune, etc), and he stumbled with certain tasks (could not tie his shoes, has trouble with door locks/door knobs).

In order to help him out as much as I could, I began reading everything I could on the subject of Asperger's. As I read more and more, it started to sound eerily familiar.

When I was a child, my parents had my IQ tested because I was not doing well in school, and the results of the test showed an IQ of 149. At first the counselors told them that I wasn't being challenged enough, and I was bored. I was put in a "gifted" program, and it seemed to help, but there were still things I struggled with (such as memorizing a bunch of facts, like states and their capitols). Since I had no problem memorizing other facts (dinosaurs, chemical names, etc), they chalked it up to me being "lazy".

My eyes have always been extremely sensitive to light. Strangely, a wet, cloudy day seems to be the worst, as the glare coming from multiple surfaces at the same time really bothers me. I have always been told that this "sensitivity" was due to my blue eyes.

When I was younger, I had issues with seams on socks, the texture of socks, tags on clothes. Everyone around me just told me I was weird.

I have a few "touch" issues. Foam (like the magic eraser kind) really bothers me. At one point it was almost disabling. I have gotten a lot better. Some times it still freaks me out, but sometimes I can pick it up. Been working on this one for years. I don't like to be touched lightly, like if my girlfriend brushes her fingertips on my back.

When I was young, I had extreme difficulty with any sport that involved a ball. I could not catch one, hit one, kick one... no matter how hard I tried. I also had difficulty running. With all of the other kids, running seemed very natural, very fluid. For me it always felt very awkward, very clumsy.

I loved legos, and still do. Never built any of the stuff on the boxes, but I would create my own designs. When I was about 10 years old, I showed my dad a car that I built that had a steering wheel that really turned the wheels. My dad was amazed as it was a functioning rack and pinion steering.

Due to my troubles in school, I never really went to college (I take a few courses here and there for my own personal enjoyment, but never got a degree). I have always been good with computers, so I obtained a bunch of certifications on my own, and have been working in the IT field for the last 10+ years.

My girlfriends son is now 10 years old, and is doing very well in his new school. He is currently behavior med free (he still takes allergy meds, and melatonin at night). He just bridged over from Webelos to Boy Scouts. He even has a friend on our block that he plays with, and has even slept over (he never really had friends before).

When we met, he had a crippling fear of poison dart frogs. The suggestion of visiting the aquarium (that had a PDF display) sent him into what we call "hold on overload"... where he just starts saying "hold on, hold on, hold on" so fast it sounds like "hun, hun, hun". He and I sat down, and I explained the difference between poisonous and venomous. I also told him that PDFs cannot synthesize their own poison, it comes from what they eat, so they are no longer poisonous in captivity. We are now the proud parents of 4 poison dart frogs that he absolutely loves!

This is a wonderful story and I'm glad you can appreciate the gifts that AS brings.

thanks for sharing this. For what it's worth I can't stand touching a Magic Eraser either and I am not on the spectrum

Well, as of right now, I have never been diagnosed... but a lot of the signs are there, and it would explain a lot in my life.

I do see a lot of myself in her son. Apparently so do a lot of other people, because most people think that I am his biological father, and are shocked to learn that I am not.

A fairy tale ending of living happily ever after!
Most of what you said is me exactly. I sew, and there are so many fabrics that make me cringe!

Yeah, I was like that as a kid in a lot of ways... except the rack and pinion steering. Can't do that. I do get sick of people laughing at things I say that weren't supposed to be funny.


Brilliant but lazy, though... I was treated that way and my daughter fits this description. She is bright, creative, and great with words... spoken only. Precocious at speaking and understanding meanings, terrible at spelling them. There are so many things she doesn't seem to get and she avoids a lot of stuff and has been basically pegged as a smart underachiever because her brother has been diagnosed with AS and she's not as screwed up as he is. He's doing badly socially, very little impulse control, whereas she at 11 is friendly with other kids but defiant to her teachers, and is learning to not jump on people and such like, and does things to fit in so she gets no help, really. You remind me of what it was like to be that age and I think I will have to put more work into helping her because her brother has been acknowledged as having problems and she never will be.

I've found that a lot of parents realize the AS in themselves when their kids are diagnosed, so it shouldn't be surprising to see the effect in an almost step parent, as well.

My husband instantly absorbed that he was AS during our son's diagnosis process. I decided my father was, and that I have traits, but not enough to "be" AS. None of us have pursued diagnosis; we have nothing to gain from it at this point in time, and are quite comfortbale with having acheived some additional personal understanding.

You know, that additional personal understanding can be worth a lot. It has helped me view my father differently, and helped me understand my husband better. Just knowing is such a big piece, in my eyes.

I enjoyed reading your personal story and wish you the best of luck with your girlfriend and her child. We've had several step parents and step parents to be come on here, so I hope you will stay and contribute to the conversations more often.

Great story...and such a gift for him to have found you...his life will be much better, and so will you girlfriend's/wife, by having someone who understands him around...Good luck to you...