Just found out son has aspergers

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My son (8 years old) has just been diagnosed with Asperger's. After learning about asperger's, I now know why my life has been the way it has been because I have it. It answered alot of questions about my life, but back to my son. He also has ADHD and is on meds for it. He is in a behavioral class at school but on friday he had a meltdown. He was sent out of class to the office for threatening another kid. This kid was making noises and wouldn't stop so he said he was going to break his jaw so he couldn't talk any more. understandable from a brain of aspergers kid I think, but still not appropriate for society. After he was sent to the office everything got out of hand because the secretaries do not know how to handle an aspergers kid. He ended up trying to run away only to be restrained and then he threatened to kill himself and them.

This all happened so fast my wife never had a chance to return their phone calls about him. The DARE officer was called and dispatched to take him to the mental hospital to be evaluated because of what he said. My wife showed up just in time to prevent this and was able to take him to our doctor (behavioral specialist) instead after the officer talked to them. His doctor then handed us the results of the testing he had taken weeks earlier. He has asperger's.

Now some questions -
Do you think it is better to homeschool asperger's kids?
I am guessing now that he has the diagnosis that a better behavioral plan can be put in place on his IEP so this doesn't happen again?
Will I be able to make more demands now such as wearing noise cancellation or music headphones in the class room that he was denied before?
Any other tips or advice?

I plan on contacting a parent advocate and our local CARD to bring to the next IEP meeting which I am going to request.

Thanks Everyone.

What drugs is he on for ADHD? The stimulants can make many aspects of Aspergers, such as repetitive thoughts, OCD, stimming, echolalia and outbursts a lot worse.

I don't think it's better to homeschool kids on the spectrum. Quite the opposite, I have my son in a social skills class in addition to the socialization he normally recieves from school.

If he wears headphones in class, how will he learn from the teacher?

What sort of discipline do you use at home, and can you instruct his teachers to use the same method?

He is in a behavioral class with grades 1 to 3 in it. I think there are 8 kids in the class and they have an aid in the class too. The headphones would only go on when he is working on his work, not when the teacher is teaching him. He does a ton of worksheets and other things by himself in the class. He takes vyvanse and something else to sleep at night. His doctor specializes in Autism spectrum disorders. I have seen at least 10 doctors and this is the only one who has made any progress or any sense.

My discipline at home has been timeout, take tv or game away. When something happens though, brute force is needed to get him under control so he doesn't harm anyone or break anything. I do not have to use force much anymore because he knows what will happen if he does not go to his room and calm down. I am very persistent and do what I say and I think it has finally hit home that i will never let him slide like his mother. He usually goes to his room now without a fight to calm down. Asperger's being just diagnosed though, I will seek alternative solutions on how to deal and help him in different ways.

I would also try to get tot he bottom of why he is having meltdowns.

As they have put him in a class with disruptive kids this can be particularly clawing on the nerves, it doesn't even make sense for the other kids. Some kids may want to go there as a trophy and to cause problems. This is an old style solution aimed at helping those who sit well get on with their work, which is understanble.

Personally I think homeschooling is only as good as the parent’s ability to do it. No offence to most parents, but it is a rare quality to be able to teach everything that well, to be perfectly honest.

I say that even though I hated school with a passion.

I do think the school needs to make some provision in light of his diagnosis though.

Be confident, know your onions, let them know how it aught to be. Otherwise there is a tendency for school to do the bare minimum or treat him as the only problem. When I was at school bullied was overtly considered to be a problem rather then the bullies themselves, and they we even willing to put in writing, charming people.

I think you will find a lot more progress can be made now that you have an accurate diagnosis (well, hopefully accurate ). But it will also depend on how well the school understands Aspergers, how well trained the special education specialists are, etc. Given that my son's school was the first to suggest Aspergers, he had the benefit of a team that truly knew the condition. If your son's school does not, find one that does, or homeschool.

Homeschool is a wonderful option but it isn't the answer for all AS kids. I know it wouldn't be the right answer for my son. He loves being with other kids, he just needs to have certain sensory issues dealt with. And he loves delving into so many things that I have no interest in or knowledge about at all. He really thrived in elementary school and developed a fantastic foundation as a result. Middle School has been another story, but we're working on it, and he knows we are.

At this point I think the best thing to do is get a solid handle on your options and the pros and cons to each. Call another IEP with the school and see what changes can be made as a result of the new information. Start interviewing OTHER schools and see what they would be doing for your child. Etc.

The above poster is right, get to the bottom of the melt downs. There is always a trigger. Deal with the trigger, and you mitigate the meltdowns.

Getting the label was like being handed a key for us. It sounds like it feels the same to you. Use that key.

Last edited by DW_a_mom on 23 Mar 2009, 12:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

oh my.........we had similiar issues arise during middle school for our son.........sending son to a therapeutic school, getting him on the right meds, and changing therapists were what ultimately worked best for us.

I know what the meltdown was from. He was sent to the office for something he didn't think he should have been sent for. Once there, the secretaries who are untrained in anything but secretary work were the ones restraining or forcing him to sit in a chair in the open with other people around while yelling right up in his face. This is something I need the parent advocate and CARD to help me with. A plan that does not involve secretaries who think he is just being a brat and to enforce that plan.

I have read many stories about schools and how much homeschooling has helped them. He is very isolated and does not like to be around people any way. He has stopped playing with the kids in the neighborhood because they are mean to him. I am trying to find aspi groups around here to maybe help him find friends with the same issues and parents that understand whats going on.

I can understand the noise sensitivity. Some noises just drive me nuts too.

But I'm really not sure about the whole headphones thing. I really don't think it helps in the long run to indulge your son's issues like this. I mean, what is he going to do, wander round wearing headphones for the rest of his life?

Surely, you and the teaching assistants would be better off teaching him coping mechanisms, calming techniques, ways of living in the real world as opposed to trying to shut it out and live in a little bubble of his own?

What state do live in?

Some of these sensitivities are outgrown over time. I've noticed that with my son. If I indulge it during the sensitive periods, he seems to be able to learn to adapt on his own, eventually. After all, no one wants to spend their life in headphones; they know it's temporary. BUT, this is a "know your child" choice. The same approach may not work for all kids.

Maybe you all misunderstood me when I said he could wear headphones. NOT ALL THE TIME. When he is having an off day and can not concentrate because of some noisy kid that is supposed to be quiet I think that would be the best thing for him. I do not trust the school to do anything more than they have too. Why did you all assume that I want my kid to wear headphones all the time?? The kids I know always listen to music when doing their homework as did I when I was in school. Tell me why listening to music while doing schoolwork is so bad?

I'm in the Orlando Area.

Hi, welcome to wrong planet.

I see no reason why your son shouldn't be allowed to wear head phones when he needs them.
If the child was deaf and it was felt that the child would benefit from hearing aides no one would question it! Your child isn't deaf (as you know) he needs the external stimulus turned down not up. I think your ideas are good ones, you know your child best, go with your gut.

Even if he needed to wear them later in life or out in public, who cares! I mean really, so what.
I don't think he will need them later, but if he did it wouldn't need to be obvious.

My son is 10, and spent five years in an unsuportive school-he is now on anti depressants. School doesn't have to be a night mare and it shouldn't be. My son is now in the most fantastic school, that are willing to do what ever it takes to suport him. (I'm in Australia)

I agree with the poster that said, you should start interviewing other schools. Even if you never move him, its good to have a back up plan. home schooling for me would be a last resort, only because your son now doesnt want to interact with the other kids, he may want to later. It could be that its just this bunch of kids that he's not comfortable with. If he isn't feeling safe or listened to I can understand how he wouldn't trust his current situation.

All the best aurea

Hi- I know exactly how you feel. My son is 8 and is getitng his diagnoses of Asperger's tomarrow.

I have to agree, once you have that diagnoses, it's a key, and use that baby until it rusts and falls apart.

I would look for other schools in your area. It sounds like his current school just doesn't want to "deal" with him. I think sticking him in a special class is horrible. If your son is like mine, he is bright and intelligent and just needs some help intergrating with the outside world. I think placing him in a class with children on his level would be alot more benificial that placing him out of the way in the closet.

Unfortunatly as aspies we have to deal with the noises and incompatence and the feeling of always being on the outside looking in. If his school is so reluctant to help him to intergrate and excel.... piss on them. But I feel, just from what you said, that his self imposed issolation stems from years of being laughed at and hurt, not that he wants to be alone.

It's like being on the edge of the world for several months. We are affraid to fall for so long we eventually say " Screw it, I will just jump so the fear will end." That is how I see your son, " the kids are mean, screw them."

If he were mine I'd love him extra at home, find him someone to b freinds with & find him a new school. ( Seriously, doing worksheets all day? BORING!! ! I can't see that making any child happy or being an effective teaching method.)

Anyhow, sorry for my rant.

I wish you both the best of luck.

~dyp~

The single most greatest thing anyone can do for anyone is to take them to a Reiki Master.
I especially like mine.
Carol Hetzer Rodgers.
I became a reiki user myself from her.
I see that reiki can help with anything.
And my reiki master is wise beyond all things.

I looked up Reiki because I had never heard of it. Apparently clinical trails have been done and the method has been shown to be uneffective. If someone enjoys it, that is one thing. But it isn't a cure-all.

I have to agree with DW. Reiki might have been good forever ago, but now it is deluted by every tom dick and harry thinking they are "reiki masters."

Not to dis your Reiki person, mmstick, but Reiki is NOT something I would recommend for a normal 8 year old boy, let alone OKBK's son. It is different for you because you are 15 and can understand more of what is happeneing to and around you, but an 8 year old boy..... with everything coming at him at once.... so much confusion and feeling disconnected, I don't see some strange person invading his "psychic" space and being benificial.

As for the head phones, I must share this. Today I was at school with my 8 year old son, Ari. I was telling the teacher about his DX of Asperger's and how he is distracted by noise and she told me. "How would you feel if I let him where headphones in class during his busy work times to help drown out the noise?" the TEACHER asked ME. Her idea, not mine....

OKBK, look at other schools. The school your son attends obviously just doesn't care enough. Heck, you can always move to Mo.